Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Phone Phun"

What do you do when a rogue bank calls your house 30 times a day for 6 days demanding that you pay a debt you don't owe?

The 1988 Tim would sit back and take it.

But this is the 2010 Tim!

A certain bank keeps calling here asking for a woman who I don't even know, in an attempt to collect a debt. On Tuesday morning, I sent the bank a letter in which I called them "pigfuckers" and ordered them to stop.

But they are obviously illiterate, because they still keep calling. In fact, they even called at 1 AM today. My phone line is completely useless because of these assholes.

So I'm fighting back. Hard.

True, I may be spending a few dollars to get a cell phone to use instead of the traditional landline. (Remember, I have to keep the landline because that's where I get my Internet. However, I will be disconnecting the phone. Also bear in mind that the phone company could put a stop to the harassing calls at the snap of a finger, but in the 26 years since I started getting calls from school bullies, it has chosen not to.) But I'm not depleting my bank account without a fight. If I have to spend extra bucks, I'm going to HAVE A LITTLE FUN with it. I'm thrifty, so I'm gonna get what I pay for, dammit!

That means responding in kind to the harassers. I do unto them what they done unto me. In other words, I call 'em back! As another example of my Midwestern thrift, I found their toll-free number on the Internet instead of calling them at the countless long-distance numbers in several different states that they call me from.

But let's suppose a cell phone will cost me maybe $8 more a month (not including $30 for the phone itself). That fucking ENTITLES me to do $8 of damage monthly to the business of the assholes who won't stop calling me. Fair is fair.

My latest 'LCQ' episode shows one of the ways I fight back against rogue debt collectors like this bank:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80zn-LuJ394

The duck call has worked with other debt collectors - until now. The bank I'm dealing with now is as thick as a brick, and the Internet is rife with complaints against this bank. They've even called me twice in the half-hour since I finished filming that episode - which of course has already resulted in them being called back.