You don't have to blow bubbles. But you will. Maybe. Possibly. (Bubble Gum Weekend)

It's only Thursday, but you're probably already in the mood to bubble. Economic inequality has pushed people to their breaking point. So why not start this Bubble Gum Weekend a little early?

Bubble Yum was growing fast all over the world back in 1979. The bubbling craze of that era didn't have to make sense. All it had to do was exist. Naturally, Bubble Yum ran a commersh for its brand bippus bustin' new spearmint flavor that was so hilarious that you'll just laugh until your jaw freezes and you can bubble no more...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKXHjyi6s4w

The ad features 3 very dignified men on a train decked out in suits. One of them whips out a pack o' BG and explains why he loves the damn stuff so much. He squeezes the piece of gum - a common theme in Bubble Yum commercials back then.

The real hilarity ensues when a mysterious voice in the man's head implores him to bubble. Because this man always takes orders from mysterious voices in his head, he does precisely that. A big, green bubble emerges from his gaping maw.

Then - even more mysteriously - all 3 of the men bubble at the exact same time.

The slogan: "You don't have to blow bubbles. But you will." We will??? How can they predict the future? It's certainly true that nobody had to blow bubbles. Jimmy Carter had just repealed the Bubbling Act, which removed this legal obligation. But how did they know that every viewer will bubble following the airing of the ad? The ad should have said, "But you might." Or, "But there's a strong probability that you could." Or, "But you will, but only if poo."

It's also unclear what country this commersh was intended for. The accents don't sound American. Then again, they could be attempting to employ that certain aristocratic accent that's supposed to be ambiguous whether it's American or British, like that of William Buckley or Ruth Warrick (who were both American). To me, it sounds British, for I've been told I have a rather strong Midwestern accent. But who knows?