St. Nowhere

This is the mesmerizing story of the amazing, magical hospital that's never been quite sure what city it's in.

This entry is not a critique of the hospital's quality of medical care. I trust that they know much more about medicine than they do about geography.

But the nickname St. Nowhere is bound to stick, because the hospital won't even confront which city's limits it rests in. Because I was born at this hosp, I take this denial very seriously. The biographical information of anyone born there remains clouded because of this matter.

Recently, the St. Elizabeth and St. Luke hospitals in northern Kentucky merged. They've opted to continue each location under the St. Elizabeth banner - with the city or county name added. Of particular concern is the facility in Campbell County. Long known as St. Luke East, it's now being renamed to St. Elizabeth Fort Thomas.

I take umbrage at that, because only part of the hosp is in Fort Thomas. I checked the city boundaries on Google Earth, and I have confirmed that part of the facility is in Fort Thomas, part of it is in Newport, and part of it is in a tiny unincorporated wedge.

But as far as I know, the hospital has always insisted it's in Fort Thomas - never Newport. I'm about 80% sure this is because Newport is working-class, and Fort Thomas has a reputation of being more affluent. The hospital's new branding carries an unfortunate elitist air.

A similar story unfolded when the nearby Graeter's ice cream shop opened. The entire business is in Newport, but it initially advertised itself as being in Fort Thomas. Newport officials countered this elitist appeal by placing a prominent city limit sign near Graeter's.

Since it's hard to imagine me and Fort Thomas as being in even the same solar system (due to the economic difference), I list my birthplace as Newport. My belief that the hospital's maternity ward in 1973 was not on the Fort Thomas side of the line gives me comfort in knowing I'm right. But for decades, the hospital has lived in denial over the fact that any part of the building is outside Fort Thomas.

If LeftMaps gets around to making maps of either city, you can wager that there's going to be a clear note of the fact that the hospital's new official name is wrong. (The hosp is getting off easy, because LeftMaps never would have recognized the name Cinergy Field at all.)

But the hospital's denial over straddling the city limits has forever earned it the sobriquet St. Nowhere.

(Source: http://www.kypost.com/content/news/859/story/St-E-St-Luke-Hospitals-Announce-New-Name/eq5q5DSqIUS62_ntnnmIsQ.cspx)