Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Phone Company Hires Charlie Brown's Teacher"

"Chug-chug-chuggity-chug-chug-a-chug-chug..." Cue the CBS "SPECIAL" bumper from the '70s that used to air before Peanuts specials!

Yesterday, when I was forced to flush $20 down the portable poopot on a series of calls to the phone company in an attempt to get them to repair my Internet, frustration mounted. One of the reasons for this frustration is that one of the support techs who I spoke with seemed incapable of talking above a mumble.

Now, this is not an impeachment of his technical knowhow, since eventually the problem was fixed after talking to these guys for 80 minutes (including the half-hour that they put me on hold). But mumble he did. It was like the horn sound that represents the voice of Charlie Brown's teacher or that strange tone at the end of 'The Electric Company' when they said, "Tune in next time when Crank says..."

It made a struggle of the entire evening and wasted my hard-earned dough.

Our latest 'LCQ' attempts to reenact the phone company stumblebum's mumbledom: