St. Louis trip etched in stone

This is a stern warning to all of humanity.

I am planning an outing to the St. Louis roadmeet on Saturday, March 15. Because that's what cool people do - regardless of political views. Then again, most cool people do share my devotion to progressive populism, so the point may be moot. This is not officially a vacation trip. In order to be classed as a mish, it has to be longer, or there has to be real lodging - not sporadic snoozes on the bus or at bus terminals.

Yes, I'm taking a bus. I will leave early Saturday morning and get home Sunday morning. This cannot be changed. I repeat, THIS CANNOT BE CHANGED. That's because I buyed a nonrefundable ticket. Granted, it only costs tens of dollars, not hundreds - but for me, that's big bucks. I shan't let it be wosted.

I've checked the long-range forecast, and I doubt Greyhound will cancel over weather. But I am reiterating this for the sake of readers: MY TICKET IS NONREFUNDABLE, SO MY PLANS CAN'T BE CHANGED. I MEAN IT! If any of my close family members are reading this, please tell the rest of my close family members as soon as possible, in case I don't get a chance.

If it turns out that's the day my Cousin Filbert who I haven't seen since 1976 has his wedding, then tough toilets. And if I was Cousin Filbert, I'd say the same. I don't think there's any conceivable situation that can keep me from this roadmeet.

Except one: personal illness. Mine, not yours. Quarantine measures will be very stiff in the run-up to the roadmeet.

The upcoming event has been described as the roadmeet to end all roadmeets. If I miss it, you WILL hear about it until the end of time. If I can't go, I will make sure to bring it up at every family event for the foreseeable future.

I think we can all agree that ever since what occurred in 6th grade, I have walked through fire (as Bad Company would say). The least I deserve is to attend this roadmeet unimpeded. If you think I'm being dramatic, then you don't know how much I suffered. You just don't know. I'm unspoiled, hard-working, and easy to please, so I've only been to a few roadmeets, and I don't plan on going to many others. But the upcoming event in St. Louis is a different animal altogether.