Wouldn't you like to have a Close'N Play to play your favorite songs and stories?

Well, wouldn't you?

I don't know about you, but judging by what folks have said about the Close'N Play, I'm afraid my answer is not in the affirmative.

Since this is a weekend, I thought I'd take a break from serious political entries and focus again on some hilarious nostalgia!

For years, I've heard rumblings that there was a brand of record player in the '70s marketed to kids called the Lift 'n' Spin. According to legend, all you needed to do to play a record was lift the lid of the Lift 'n' Spin and the turntable would start moving.

Well, I've found a nifty old commercial from 1972 for a record player that did the exact opposite: It played records when you closed the lid. It was the Close'N Play, made by Kenner:



The original version of the Close'N Play was so small that it only fit singles, not albums. But if what people say is true, the Close'N Play had far worse problems than that.

According to owners of this brand of phonograph, the action of closing the lid scratched up valuable 45's to the point of ruinment. The needle was on the inside of the lid, so the lid must have put too much weight on it. Also, you were lucky if this player lasted even a year.

You'd expect such mediocre quality from audiovisual equipment made in later years, but goods made in the '70s could usually withstand some pretty strong g forces. Then again, one YouPube commenter said they regularly threw their Close'N Play if they didn't like the song that was playing. On the other hand, other commenters report the Close'N Play broke with no abuse whatsoever.

In college, I found what I think is the grownup version of the Close'N Play. I buyed a Panasonic stereo that seemed to give 45's a scratchy sound as it played them. On this stereo it was also nearly impossible to pick up Channel Z even in Highland Heights. So that lemon went right back to the appliance store.

Come to think of it, what was the advantage of the Close'N Play? I guess it appealed to children because its method of playing records looked neat. But closing the lid was actually no easier to do and no more efficient than pressing a button or turning a knob like many turntables let you do.

If you don't want to give record collectors a bad case of the bunks, you might want to avoid mentioning Close'N Plays or Panasonic stereos in their presence.