Thursday, October 30, 2014

Right-wing group caught intimidating Kentucky students

I'm convinced Kentucky Republicans can no longer win seriously contested elections without cheating. But nobody stops 'em.

Except this time, now that there's at least a few people who are making an effort to rein in the ongoing election fraud. The Kentucky Attorney General's office says it has received a complaint of voter intimidation in the town of Berea. A right-wing group called Concerned Citizens of Berea has placed a full-page ad in a local newspaper threatening college students if they try to vote.

There's a law that lets students who live on campus vote from their school address. But the ad tells students that their vote is "subject to be challenged" and that they "could face significant penalties" if they try to vote. Kentuckians for the Commonwealth has asked the Attorney General to investigate the ad's threats.

Make no mistake: The Senate election in Kentucky hinges entirely on turnout. Bad turnout means 6 more years of Mr. Elbow Care. To suppress turnout is a form of cheating.


Helpful hint for a local GOPer

I realize that if you're a Republican candidate for public office in Campbell County, you're probably not going to take advice from me, but I'm a fair man, so I'll offer some advice anyway.

Today I received a mailer from a GOP incumbent in a certain elected office in Campbell County. It touted his endorsement from - of all people - my former gym teacher who physically assaulted me and caused me to get expelled from middle school. There were numerous complaints against this teacher over the years by many students and parents. More recently, I've discovered that this man has amassed a criminal record in a nearby county. This instructor is positively one of the most evil individuals I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with. I could drop a fucking bowling ball on his head and be grinning the whole time.

So here's my advice: If you're a political candidate, don't accept endorsements from criminals like my former gym teacher. At minimum, don't send me mail bragging of this endorsement.

Kentucky GOPer drove drunk on expired license

Ohio's Democratic gubernatorial candidate Ed FitzGerald is still being blasted by The Media for having at most a limited driver's license for several years. But to the best of anyone's knowledge, FitzGerald never drove drunk.

Meanwhile, Jeff Jobe - a far-right Republican candidate for Kentucky House - got busted for driving drunk on an expired license. He was convicted and jailed. Months later, Jobe was busted for DUI again!

Of course, there's been no negative press for Jobe over his recklessness. Maybe it's because he owns a newspaper in his district, which he has used to repeatedly make excuses for his careless behavior. In fact, the second arrest occurred after Jobe hemmed and hawed in his paper about how sorry he was for the first incident, so it's clear he didn't learn his lesson the first time like he claimed to. But that doesn't excuse the rest of the media for ignoring the story - after they destroyed FitzGerald for much less.

This is the party that the press wants to have in control of the Kentucky House?

Hey, if it's fair to go after Ed FitzGerald, it's more than fair to go after Jeff Jobe. So tough toilets, GOPstapo.

Electoral vooping in Campbell County

I need to dig up one of my trademark sayings of the late '90s. Ready for it? Here it comes...

Voopvoopavoop WRONG!

I used to do lots of voopings to correct others' misunderstandings or erroneous information, and the redistricting of Kentucky House seats forces me to revive this mothballed saying.

To comply with the redistricted map promulgated by legislators, Campbell County had to form a new voting precinct that - according to census figures - has no residents. The precinct is called Fort Thomas T and stretches for several miles along the Ohio River between Dayton and Silver Grove. But that's not the real problem in this story. The problem is what would occur if someone actually moved to this precinct and tried to vote.

The strip of land in this precinct generally isn't considered habitable, but one could set up a houseboat on the river. The problem is that county officials said that if a person does this, it doesn't count as a real address.

Um, what?

Then what does count as the person's real address? Voting is a duty and a right - not a privilege. If I set up a houseboat there, the first thing I'd do is update my voter registration and find out where my local polling place is - exactly like I did immediately the other 2 times I've relocated.

Where you live is where you vote. There's a few exceptions - for instance, U.S. military personnel who live overseas may vote as a resident of the American locale where they lived most recently. For a civilian who meets all the voting requirements and lives on American soil, there should be little question about where they vote. As with our fighting men and women, there should be no question at all about whether they can vote. I wouldn't want soldiers serving abroad to be denied their right to vote - and the same goes for civilians living on a houseboat.

Even if a person is homeless altogether, they have a right to vote. If I became homeless, I would insist on it and would fight to the bitter end for this right. Some already have: Voter turnout among the homeless is 10%. Voting is as much of a right for the homeless as it is for everyone else, and official sources back me up on this: The state of Colorado, for example, has a website that says a homeless person may use a park or vacant lot as their address when they register to vote. I'd also have no objection to electing a homeless person to public office.

Incidentally, here's a little hint: A houseboat in Fort Thomas T would likely have an address of Mary Ingles Highway, 41075. I checked the LinkGIS map. Much of that stretch has no house numbers, but it's still a valid address. (Grove & Jefferson didn't have a number either until recently.)

Voting and serving in public office shouldn't be reserved just for nobility like some folks think it should be or accept that it is.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Florence KKK rally ends in gun arrest

The buffoonish morons of the Ku Klux Klan held a rally in northern Kentucky yesterday, and they wound up looking like buffoonish morons.

According to reports, the event took place on Houston Road in Florence, and the Klanscritters were decked out in their trademark robes. You know there's a Klan presence in Boone County judging by election results there lately. At about 6 PM, the KKK began waving guns at passersby in the parking lot of Steak 'n Shake. They thought they could scare people. Witnesses say one person was arrested.

Guess they were bored because Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day was over.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Right-wing extremist runs for Kentucky Supreme Court

Did you know that there's an election for the Kentucky Supreme Court seat in northern Kentucky coming up on Election Day? Sure. Sure you did, boys and girls.

Incumbent Michelle Keller faces a far-right challenger by the name of Teresa Cunningham. Cunningham - who has no judicial experience - was hand-picked by the Tea Party and shows not even a pretense of supporting an independent judiciary.

Judicial races are supposed to be nonpartisan. But Cunningham has turned this election into a Republican freak show. In addition to her claims to be a "constitutional conservative", another Cunningham talking point is that she's a Republican - as if she's running in a GOP primary instead of a general election. The Boone County Republicans have also gone all in for Cunningham despite this being a supposedly nonpartisan contest.

Even though Cunningham claims to support "limited government", she (with the help of far-right Campbell County Commissioner Brian Painter) keeps attacking Keller for a ruling that actually placed a limit on government overreach. This is just further proof that the Tea Party hasn't outgrown fighting over culture war issues where they're on the losing side of history.

A commenter on a local website even called Cunningham "the scariest judicial candidate I have ever seen."

The average American is moving left, but Teresa Cunningham's Tea Party just pulls our rulers further right. It's a surefire recipe for disaster, and that's why we have to be on guard - and not wuss out like the appeasers do. Meanwhile, a candidate who claims God speaks through Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson is about to become Lieutenant Governor of Texas. Somehow, we don't think that's what the Founding Fathers had in mind.

No third parties mean no choice but to vote Democratic

The Democrats have disappointed me before - even when there was no political or moral justification for them to do so. But, with Kentucky's credible third parties missing in action during this election cycle, some of the state's Democrats have taken some baby steps to reclaim the mantle of progress, and we have more confidence in their policies than at any other time in years. The Tea Party jailbreak of 2010 flushed out much of the Third Way dead weight that had been holding the Democrats back, and nobody here misses it. The current election has become an uphill climb, thanks to The Media doubling down on their Republican bias after Occupy scorched them in 2012, but that doesn't put a diaper on our voter enthusiasm.

The Democratic candidates could be much better, of course. Only a fool would deny this. But what do you expect when we have a media that has spent decades inching the center of debate to the right? In 2014, a vote for the Democrats is a vote against an arrogant right-wing media that thinks it has a right to set the agenda.

We will vote for Alison Lundergan Grimes for U.S. Senate - thanks to her support for labor and a higher minimum wage. We'll also vote Democratic for Kentucky Senate and even for Campbell County races. Democratic candidates for Campbell County Fiscal Court have helped moved the party from the right back to the center with a unified stance against the regressive 911 tax that was enacted by the court's Tea Party Republicans. In doing so, the Democrats have also proven that the Tea Party doesn't get to monopolize anti-tax sentiment. Meanwhile, Joe Fischer - far-right Republican state representative for southern and central Campbell County - continues to endorse increasing the sales tax.

As more proof that the Tea Party's claims to support limited government ring hollow, local Republicans have doubled down in their support for unconstitutional "right-to-work" laws that require workers to subsidize nonunion labor and infringe on the right to freely bargain. "Right-to-work" laws are modeled after laws passed in Nazi Germany and supported by the KKK. Tea Party Republicans are even trying to repeal Kentucky's popular 2011 correction reforms that have helped reduce crime and ease the region's longstanding heroin epidemic.

All the Republican candidates for Campbell County Fiscal Court are backers of the authoritarian Tea Party. Most notably, GOP candidate Charlie Coleman is a key plaintiff in the Tea Party's frivolous lawsuit to shut down local libraries. Local Republicans provide no solutions - just extremist garbage. The Democrats at least have a plan to pay for a new library without hiking taxes. Coleman has also stated that you should be required to own real property to be able to vote - a requirement that would be unconstitutional.

The Republican Right is also responsible for the scandal enveloping the airport board. Plus, they've gutted a popular domestic violence bill in the state legislature. They want to repeal prevailing wage laws and pass an ALEC-backed bill that would allow phone companies to stop offering landline service (even in areas where cell phone coverage is weak). They want to make Kentucky the first state to repeal Medicaid expansion since the Affordable Care Act passed. And local Republicans have been cavorting with a convicted sex offender and have accepted his support. (That criminal proudly posts pictures of himself with GOP bigwigs on his Facebook page.)

We're not going full Hillary for 2016, because the former First Lady is much too far to the right. Thankfully, despite some flaws, local Democrats in 2014 are not Hillary.

We reiterate: Because of right-wing media bias, this cycle is an uphill battle. Just as important as this election is the militancy we must show afterward in fighting against right-wing extremism. We must be prepared to take America back the hard way. Otherwise, decent Americans just don't stand a chance against the 1%.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Religious Right group opposes Ebola vaccine

The Ebola epidemic has seen enough blood on the hands of the conservative movement to create all the red ink for all of their lie-filled campaign mailings. First, they defunded federal health agencies - agencies that would have produced an Ebola vaccination by now if it wasn't for this defunding. Now they want the government to stop new efforts to make Ebola vaccines - because these efforts involve stem cell research.

A Religious Right group called Children of God for Life accuses the Obama administration of being "completely irresponsible" for approving and fast-tracking these projects. This group is urging its Tea Party followers to bombard the government with demands that it halt work on this program.

I don't care to hear another word ever again accusing us of being "anti-vaxxers" for opposing dangerous chemicals in vaccines, when the Far Right is trying to stop vaccines altogether. If Team Tyranny forces this project to be scuttled, and the Ebola outbreak worsens because of it, there ought to be murder charges against Children of God for Life.

How conservatism violates Jesus's teachings

"Give back to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's."

Those are Jesus's words (Matthew 22:21). The Republican Right and the Tea Party claim to be messengers of God, but the conservative movement contradicts what Jesus taught.

The above saying refers to separation of church and state, and the necessity of taxation. Jesus also said that "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God" (Matthew 19:24). Taken together, these well-known sayings show the rectitude of a progressive tax system - which the Far Right opposes. (Similar translations of these sayings appear in other gospels.)

To "give back to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's" limits some aspects of government while expanding others. The problem for the conservative movement is that it limits the parts they want expanded - while expanding the parts they want limited. Jesus's phrase is more or less diametrically opposed to the Far Right's agenda.

Have the self-anointed holy sentinels of the right wing even read anything that's in the Bible? Perhaps, but they just don't care what it says. It's just like how I'm sure their legislators have read the Constitution - because anyone who's taken 7th grade civics has - but they don't care about it.

Christians really are being persecuted - but by the Right, not the Left.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Great Royal Tim returns from mish!

Today I returned from a 9-day-long road trip across this fine land - centered largely on Guadalupe Mountains National Park in Texas. I also visited a couple of official presidential museums on the way home.

I saw many ruined restrooms on this trip - including at least one plopping! I also detected a couple of bunker blasts. But the only celebrity look-alikes I saw were Judge Mills Lane and Madeline Kahn. Spoiled food was devoured too! Details loom in the next ish of The Last Word.

Also, a young woman who worked at a Pizza Hut in Kermit, Texas, was seen bubbling. It is also rumored that a visitor of the Harry Truman museum in Missouri bubbled, but I did not witness this timeless act.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Have no fear, the October ish is here!

My mish plans, the looming election, and my other work activities brang an abbreviated edition of The Last Word this month, but it's still enough to peep and weep.

This ish talks about TV shows evading the censors, the world's dumbest crime-fighting technique, toilet lid covers, and other stuff about toilets and farting.

So read The Last Word before The Last Word reads you...

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


Ba-de-ya, folks! Ba-de-ya!

Several days ago, I posted a batch of new Roads Scholaring photos - focusing primarily on September's Peace Bike Scholaring in Newport.

So do what millions have already done, by pointing your pooper here...

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Tea Party group caught red-handed committing election fraud

This is the third negative story in a row about the Tea Party that I've found necessary to post. After all, they're the Tea Party. It's not like they've ever contributed anything positive.

Now, Americans for Prosperity - one of the country's leading Tea Party groups - has been caught up in an election fraud scandal in North Carolina, which has become one of the most politically competitive states. AFP was caught red-handed sending out a mailing to hundreds of thousands of voters designed to suppress voting. The mailings gave the wrong deadline for registering to vote, the wrong address for registration questions, the wrong zip code for turning in registration forms, and the wrong information on how voters will be informed of what precinct they're in.

Plus, many mailings were addressed to dead people, cats, and other ineligible voters.

AFP just committed a felony. And I don't give a shit if AFP knows I said this about their precious little club. I know they're monitoring me, after they added me to one of their social networking accounts, and I don't care.

Officials with North Carolina's State Board of Elections say they've been fielding nonstop phone calls from angry voters complaining about the mailings.

May the Tea Party's faces fall off in public.


Monday, September 29, 2014

Tea Party sends anti-Jewish hate mail to former IRS official

The Tea Party doesn't take it well when their lies get debunked in front of the whole nation.

This right-wing hate group played up last year's IRS "scandal" in which they claimed the agency was unfairly singling them out. But it turned out the IRS was actually much tougher on Occupy groups.

After Lois Lerner - director of the IRS's Exempt Organizations Unit - stepped down in the wake of the Tea Party's manufactured controversy, the Tea Party continued to target her. For starts, disgraced Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas) filed a bill that would order Capitol police to arrest Lerner. Now Lerner has reported receiving Tea Party hate mail calling her a "dirty Jew" (in the Tea Party's words). Federal agents have had to guard her home due to death threats.

But Lois Lerner doesn't hide from the Tea Party criminals who want her dead. She told Politico, "I'm proud of my career and the job I did for this country."

After Lerner revealed the bigotry and threats she suffered, right-wing websites ridiculed her for her interview. That's because the Far Right overall is just as bigoted as the hate mail suggests.

I do not follow any religion, but I'm acquainted with good people from a variety of religious backgrounds. An offense to some should be considered an offense to all. If you support the Tea Party, you're supporting anti-Semitism. At all the Occupy events I've been to, I've never heard any Occupy participants utter anything that was an expression of prejudice against any group of people.

Think of the worst bigots you know. Notice they've joined the Tea Party, not Occupy.

The Media is just as guilty for supporting the Tea Party. Not surprising, considering the press's long list of prejudices. For example, The Media displayed their bias against gays by promoting the preposterous Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day in 2012 after that fast food chain donated to an antigay hate group.

Be careful who you hate. It could be someone you pretended you loved.


Sunday, September 28, 2014

Appeasers within Occupy find new way to lose

The Occupy coalition should have sliced off its right wing long ago, and nobody can say I didn't provide fair warning. The atmosphere of unconditional appeasement that has plagued Occupy lately is one of the reasons - along with unchecked media bias - I've acquired such a pessimistic mood about the midterms in the past few weeks.

Occupy in its earlier stages never would have surrendered like it does now, but these days, that's all they ever do. Half the Occupy pages on Facebook now are indistinguishable from the Tea Party droid sites that became ubiquitous before Occupy. Take the site for Occupy Victoria in British Columbia, for example. Despite the recent climate change march in New York that drew 500,000 (which the right-wing media ignored), Occupy Victoria's page is primarily a climate change denier site now, and they even post propaganda to that effect from Tea Party websites. The site for Occupy Aspen in Colorado long ago became a lost cause. (John Denver is dancing with the mountains in his grave.)

Fact of the matter is, our side should be significantly ahead in the polls right now. One of the reasons it isn't - again, in addition to media bias - is Occupy's unconditional surrender.

The mere fact that the Tea Party has picked a small-time Miss Cleo to run in a school board election should make November a slam-dunk for us. But it isn't. The fact that Steven Maynard has become one of the leaders of the Kentucky GOP should make things as easy as shooting oranges in a barrel. But it hasn't. Mitch McConnell saying Israel has a dome and Sarah Palin saying the White House is at 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue should send us cruising to victory. But it hasn't. A Tea Party candidate for Campbell County Commissioner filing a frivolous lawsuit against the library should give our side an almost automatic win. But it hasn't.

It's bad enough to keep having to fight this battle every 6 to 8 years, so who in Occupy thought it was a good idea to make us fight it every 2 years? I hope the appeasers within Occupy enjoy our new right-wing Senate - because that's exactly what we're gonna end up with because of them. I know voter turnout is important, but you always have to assume our side has much lighter turnout - in addition to suffering vote suppression. Why make it worse by allowing Occupy to be taken over by the Far Right?

When the GOP wins Senate seats in places like Colorado and Iowa that shouldn't even be close, how will Occupy react? Will a new movement emerge a few months later like Occupy did after the last midterm - only to be gutted in another 3 years?

You don't play nice with fascists. The looming electoral disaster is a perfect illustration of why. Don't cry to me on the morning after the election, because I warned Occupy about this danger right from the giddy-up.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Microsoft kills 'LCQ'

In the wacky world of Windows, the modus operandi is usually one step forward and a billion steps back, and the way Microsoft has mishandled its Windows Movie Maker application is a perfect example of this.

For years, I've used this program - which once had a reliable version included with Windows - for my 'Lawn Chair Quarterback' vignettes and other projects. The computer I buyed 3 years ago - the one I just retired because a mandatory Windows 7 update all but hosed it - didn't include it, so I had to download it when I got that machine. Later, I had to download a newer version, because the old version stopped working properly.

My new computer includes a brand new version of Windows Movie Maker, but it bears no resemblance to the old version that I knew how to use, so I downloaded an old version. But the old edition doesn't work on the new computer. Of course. So I had to teach myself how to use the new version.

That might have been the end of it, except now I can't figure out how to cut and paste audio from the same video. The 'LCQ' I had planned for this week needed this feature - and there's to be no arguing about it. So I asked around on Twitter and Facebook where I could find this feature in the new version. I needed the answer by 9 PM tonight, or 'LCQ' gets it.

I never got an answer. That's because the self-styled technological wizards at Windows got rid of this feature in the new version.

So no more 'LCQ'. All because Windows can't get its poop in a group. Cut and paste of audio is one of the most simple features a video editing program in 2014 should have, and the new Movie Maker doesn't even have it.

Maybe someday, Windows will come out with a Collector's Edition of Windows Movie Maker that has all 16.4.3528.0331 versions of this program on a deluxe set of 20 CD's. Then 'LCQ' may come back, and you'll laugh again.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

St. Louiseein' still St. Louisbelievin' after all these years

I amassed 98 Roads Scholaring photos during last month's St. Louis trip. And that's not even an "if poo." That's an "if certainty."

As usual, you're gonna peep 'em and weep 'em...

Sunday, September 21, 2014

People plopped stuff at Ploptoberfest

Sometimes you really can have too much of a good thing - even ploppings.

I went to the Saturday installment of Cincinnati's Oktoberfest - which I call Ploptoberfest, as you know. I call it that because people always put things in the toilets in the portable outhouses. It's been going on for years.

This time, we got more than we bargained for. Early in the day, I noticed someone had put a pair of underpants in a toilet. It's unclear whether they were poopy. Later, I noticed someone had thrown a stick of underarm antiperspirant in a toilet. People actually talked about that plopping. I heard a man mention it while emerging from that outhouse. Later still, I saw that someone had put what looked like part of a broken toy squirt gun in a toilet.

All these ploppings were hilarious, of course, but the resulting messes in the portable restrooms forced me to leave Ploptoberfest early. The restrooms were filthy, and this was the most crowded Ploptoberfest I've ever seen - so the lines for the restrooms became way too long. I think some of the outhouses had to be taken out of service due to ploppings. And I really had to go. I'm talking about a deuce, folks. There was no way in hell I was going to use a restroom that was in such disrepair for that - especially with the line that would expand outside. So I decided to embark (arf arf!) on the 20-minute ride home just so I could enjoy a clean johndola. In brief (ahem), the ploppings were apparently so pervasive that they caused the huge restroom lines that defined the festival.

There was other mischief too. To the surprise of nobody, I saw some guy stealing one of the life-sized cardboard cutouts of the Samuel Adams beer man. He was seen walking away from Fountain Square carrying the cutout.

The only celebrity look-alike I saw was one of the most uproarious I've seen in a while. I saw a Phil Collins look-alike who was wearing a Payne Stewart hat just like Phil Collins used to do.

Also, I saw 2 people who were in such a festive mood that they bubbled.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Big Bird Special"

Another snappy answer to a stupid question...

Tea Party threatening voters (again)

Ooh! Threats!

Up in Wisconsin, the Tea Party has now formed its own "militia" to intimidate voters at the polls. They call theirselves the Wisconsin Poll Watcher Militia. I seem to recall True the Vote doing something like this a few years back (while all their voter fraud complaints were being discredited), but the tough talk isn't scaring anyone.

The Wisconsin Poll Watcher Militia's main targets are folks who signed the petition to support the recall election against fascist Gov. Scott Walker 2 years ago. On their Facebook page, this "militia" posted a message declaring, "Wisconsin Poll Watcher Militia is a force that is armed. Do not approach our members by engaging in a physical hostile act because you are going to get put down like a rabid dog."

If I lived in Wisconsin, my message would be this: I dare you. They lay a finger on me, they get a bloody face. I wonder if they even carry weapons, because they're probably such wusses that they're afraid of scissors and paper airplanes.

These right-wing thugs plan to conduct "militia training" tomorrow where they will hand out "watch lists" of voters to harass.

Voter intimidation is a crime.

Bill would gag workers exposing freeloaders

The First Amendment is under attack in Michigan.

After the Wolverine State passed its hated "right-to-work" law, the Far Right still hasn't gotten its class hatred out of their system. They never do. The draconian welfare "reform" law of 1996 wasn't enough for them, and "right-to-work" isn't either. So now Tea Party State Rep. Kevin Daley has introduced a bill that would make it illegal for workers to publicize the names of scabs who refuse to pay union fees for the benefits they receive.

This bill is an unconstitutional attack on free speech. Period. Full stop. If someone won't pay their union fees, why is it wrong for someone else to point this out? This is like when "baseball" tried to silence Joe Nuxhall for pointing out that an umpire who started a fight with Pete Rose was a strikebreaker.

And so, the party of "limited government" attacks again.


Thursday, September 18, 2014

Don't have a Dow, man

I believe it was Sunday that the latest mandatory round of Windows 7 updates more or less fried my old computer. One of few things I could do with my old machine after that was use it to order a new one.

So I did, and the delivery bloke brang it yesterday. Although Windows 8.1 looks like it was written for people who weren't even born yet when this blog started, I haven't had any major problems with it yet.

But one thing about Windows 8.1 just bakes my gizzard. The default desktop has an assortment of shiny apps built in, which appear automatically - and one of them is, of all things, the latest Dow Jones stock report.

I was 14 when the 1987 stock market crash occurred, and because I was young and foolish, I thought at the time that market crashes were a bad thing. But actually, Reagan had already gutted the economy. The crash was just a correction. As much as we hear that the 1929 crash kicked off the Great Depression, my grandparents were always talking about how poor they were even before the crash. Wikipedia says the 1920s before the crash "was a time of wealth and excess." Not true. They should have asked my grandparents how much wealth there was.

The 1990s and 2000s saw unprecedented growth in the stock market. But where did I fit in on this imaginary economic boom? Why didn't I see any of that prosperity that the right-wing media was always beating its chest about? This was more proof that the market is antithetical to real prosperity.

It was also around 1987 that I overheard 2 men at a Reds game complaining that the scoreboard kept showing the latest Dow Jones numbers instead of something baseball-related. These were hard-working guys who couldn't have cared less about the Dow. That's how I feel about Windows 8.1 automatically showing the Dow numbers. Windows should instead show something more useful like polling data for the upcoming election or how many pounds of shit have been produced today by animals at the zoo.

There might be a way to shut off this feature, but I don't know yet.

In 2014, having stock reports automatically appear on your computer interests very few people besides wealthy investors. In the 1990s and 2000s, Americans were much more likely to vote with their boss. That was a historic aberration. Hopefully we won't return to those bad old days.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "I Believe I Can Fly"

Tim tries to fly to Denver by flapping his arms...

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Senate majority supports corporate personhood amendment

Something happened today that hadn't happened yet since a rogue Supreme Court issued the unconstitutional Citizens United ruling almost 5 years ago.

Today, the Senate voted on a proposed constitutional amendment to restore America's campaign finance laws and bring down the hammer on corporate personhood. The vote was 54 in favor and 42 opposed. It was a perfect party line vote, with Democrats voting yes and Republicans voting no.

But it didn't meet the two-thirds necessary to actually approve the amendment - or the 60 votes needed to break a Tea Party filibuster.

Nonetheless, with a majority now clearly in favor of the amendment, this is a clarion call for Congress to create a statutory remedy for Citizens United - and for the President to exercise his power to issue executive orders.

This story also highlights Republican obstructionism just in time for the midterms.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Have no fear, our September ish is here!

It was tough, but this year's Back-to-School edition of The Last Word is pub!

Our schools haven't been very funny lately - with all the racism and violent crime exposed in this issue - so I'm in a rather humorless mood. Nonetheless, there are a few amusing reminisces about my high school years in the latest edition.

So point your pooper here...

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

ACLU swings to far right

I am done with the ACLU.

The American Civil Liberties Union was founded as a defender of constitutional liberties - and lived up to this goal for decades. But now its founders must be spinning in their graves.

Right now, the Senate is debating a much-needed constitutional amendment that would restore campaign finance laws and prohibit corporations from financing political campaigns. Surveys show that over 80% of the public supports the amendment.

I'd expect the amendment to be blocked by the usual suspects like the fascist Heritage Foundation - but not by the ACLU. Nonetheless, the ACLU has written a letter to senators to oppose the amendment. The ACLU says the amendment would gut the First Amendment and "censor" political speech.

Aw, how cute, the ACLU now thinks keeping corporations from buying elections is "censorship."

This is the biggest issue in American law so far in the 21st century, and the ACLU is unabashedly on the wrong side.


Friday, September 5, 2014

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Tim Takes Apart Computer"

Tim takes apart an old, broken computer he's hoarded for 3 years since he replaced it...

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Bob McDonnell convicted

Another rising Tea Party star disgraced for life.

Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell and his wife Maureen have now both been found guilty of public corruption. The former governor was convicted on 11 of 13 counts; his wife was convicted of 9 of 13. They both cried like big babies when the court clerk read the verdict. They face up to 20 years in prison for each count.

(And yes, Bob McDonnell's physical resemblance to singer Glen Campbell has been noted.)

Baseball caves to police state

Major League Baseball isn't quite as bad as the NFL yet in the way it treats its fans - but it's getting there.

Many Americans agree that there's few things quite as exciting as a good, competitive ballgame, but league officials are doing their worst to put a diaper on America's national pastime. The Cincinnati Reds have announced that - starting tomorrow - they plan to implement walk-through metal detectors at their stadium. This is an effort to comply with a mandate from "baseball" requiring all 30 big league teams to do the same.

Major League Baseball's diktat results from its collaboration with the Department of Homeland Stupidity, a relic that was designed as the thuggish Bush regime's personal plaything.

All I know is this: In my day, we didn't have metal detectors at baseball games, and we survived. If "baseball" can't grasp that, that's their problem.

Since the Reds' ballpark is taxpayer-funded, the county needs to tell the Reds they can't install metal detectors. Plus, the government needs to revoke baseball's antitrust exemption.

Like I said, this isn't as bad as the NFL, which literally fondles spectators at each game. The NFL treats its fans more shittily than any other sporting league I know of, so I've boycotted the NFL for years. I hope this story isn't part of a trend that forces me to do the same to Major League Baseball. That's why our public officials need to step up to the plate and prevent it.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Record Man endorses voter fraud

It's nice to know that advocating voter fraud is the Republicans' new electoral strategy.

After Tea Party favorite Scott "Records" Brown was defeated by Elizabeth Warren in his bid for reelection as a senator from Massachusetts in 2012 - when Brown ran the worst race-baiting campaign of the year - Brown moved to New Hampshire so he could now run for senator there. He's trailing badly.

But no bother! Who really cares when you can just rely on out-of-state supporters to visit your state to vote for ya? Brown is now encouraging folks in other states who support him to visit New Hampshire on Election Day to vote for him.

This is illegal, of course, but laws don't stop Republicans. This is the party that committed wire fraud earlier this year by setting up fake websites that appeared to be fundraising sites for opponents - though the money raised by the sites went straight to GOP coffers.

After Tea Party buses were seen hauling supporters to multiple polling places in our area, I have little doubt they'll take Record Man's recommendation.