Monday, September 1, 2014

More celeb look-alikes in the Northwest

I keep hearing more stories of celebrity look-alikes being sighted by someone on a vacation in the Northwestern U.S.

At an Idaho restaurant, an Edith Bunker look-alike was seen. A George Clooney look-alike was discovered at Olympic National Park, and an Alan Alda look-alike was sighted at the Seattle airport. On the subsequent flight, there was a sighting of a flight attendant who resembled Kentucky's Senate frontrunner Alison Lundergan Grimes.

I've also been told that a young woman bubbled on the streets of Spokane with extreme dispatch.

The "right-to-work" antidote!

It's Labor Day, but sadly, the Far Right's war against the American worker continues unchecked. The Media lately has been happy to help by spreading outright lies to promote misnamed "right-to-work" laws - which has now become the anti-worker Right's top priority, much as "free trade" was 20 years ago.

As a member of the National Writers Union, I know organized labor is a lifesaver. For me, that's literally true. I'm convinced I'd be dead by now if it wasn't for the benefits unions provide.

With the authoritarian Right chomping at the bit to enact "right-to-work" in Kentucky and other key states, what would be a good antidote? For starts, free bargaining states should extend their labor protections to residents who commute to "right-to-work" states - so that the "right-to-work" law does not apply to them. (Then again, why would a resident of a free state work in a "right-to-work" state? I don't know anyone eager to commute to Indiana these days.) But we also need something bolder.

We should pass a law that automatically unionizes corporations that have more than a certain number of employees. Under my law, workers wouldn't be required to join the union, but they'd at least have the option. And workers who choose to join would at least have union benefits they now lack. If there's no state or federal law to do this, local municipalities should act.

Hitler had the world's first "right-to-work" law. That's what the Tea Party and the Republican Right aspire to. Make no mistake: Union-busting is fascism. There's a good reason why a Kentucky legislative committee recently rejected "right-to-work" by a vote of 15 to 4.

The states targeted by the "right-to-work" Gestapo need to stand strong. Our legislators should move forward with the antidote I've proposed.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Beverage smuggling tradition continues

Know what today was? Sure. Sure you do, boys and girls.

This evening I went to the annual Labor Day fireworks that were part of Riverfest - or Rip-off-fest, as I like to call it. Once again, I smuggled a bottle of soda into the festival in my pants pocket - violating one of the event's most enduring Allowed Clouds.

Just goes to show, I can't be controlled (to use Work-for-Less Jamie's terminology)!

Since the radio soundtrack for the fireworks was supposed to be a salute to the '80s, they should have at least let us bring beverages into the festival without posting military police to try to stop us. Then it would be more like the actual, real '80s, before that arbitrary rule was enacted.

In keeping with the '80s theme, I saw a Geddy Lee look-alike. Also in keeping with the '80s theme, one hapless gent was in such a festive mood that he bubbled.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Pendleton GOP brags about vote buying


Republican leaders in one northern Kentucky county just don't know when to stop bumping their gums.

I've kept an eye on the Facebook page of the Pendleton County Republican Party - where they like to post photos of their meetings that draw all of 9 people and where they needlessly hoard ketchup. But my eyes detected something rather interesting regarding one recent post.

The post featured several photos of local residents who won prizes from a drawing that the GOP conducted at the Pendleton County Youth Fair. The prizes included such newfangled inventions as a TV set and a grill.

Uh, you do know that's a form of vote buying - don't you? And it's illegal.

The county GOP's posting said the prizes were donated by local businesses. But a photo of the TV packaging features a sign that clearly states the TV was donated by the campaign of the Republican candidate for our local Kentucky Senate seat. So the GOP lied about that too. But even if the prizes were donated by businesses, it would still be illegal for a political party to carry out such a drawing.

Whooo, man, is the Pendleton County Republican Party in trouble! Or at least they would be if The Media actually bothered to investigate this story - which they won't. So they'll carry on - embarrassing the county and the state as long as they dare.

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Bread"

A school bus monitor once gave a co-worker bread for Christmas, and hilarity ensued...

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Even Oregon has celebrity look-alikes

Celeb doubles are everywhere! Even in states I've never even been to! I've just been informed that a Mitt Romney look-alike was seen at a Super 8 hotel in Roseburg, Oregon.

I've also been told that a Bobby Knight look-alike was sighted at a party - though not in Oregon.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Lawmakers must investigate right-wing media

If you're like me, you dream every day about Brit Hume being grilled and humiliated in front of the whole country by a panel of tough, progressive legislators. I hope that someday soon, members of Congress or a state legislature will have the guts to start a committee to do just that to right-wing media figures far and wide.

Once upon a time, there was something called the House Committee on Un-American Activities. Although the committee's name was quickly tarnished by lawmakers who abused it to advance their own Red-baiting agenda, the committee was actually conceived in 1938 with a noble purpose: to investigate industrialists who supported the Nazis. In fact, it had a predecessor known as the Special Committee on Un-American Activities Authorized to Investigate Nazi Propaganda and Certain Other Propaganda Activities - a name that was a bit long but was less ambiguous about its target.

To avoid being hijacked by the McCarthyist Right, a new legislative committee should have an unambiguous name that identifies it as a tool to investigate right-wing extremism. But one thing is clear: A committee like this must appear somewhere - whether in Congress or in one of the statehouses.

Despite their phony claims to patriotism, the allegiances of the right-wing media are not recognizably American. This has become clearer than ever in recent months, as they've swiftboated Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl and Montana's Sen. John Walsh. America's Far Right also has a long record of supporting foreign dictatorships that hate Americans, like in the Singapore flap of 1994. And why do they support offshoring American jobs and moving corporate headquarters overseas to avoid paying American taxes?

Old Glory is made of tough stuff. But we need legislators and public officials who will stand up for the good ol' U.S. and A. instead of running it down like the right-wing media is so intent on doing.

My idea, incidentally, is not a form of McCarthyism of the left. The committee that I propose would gather facts to fight a real threat - as the House Committee on Un-American Activities was originally intended to do before the paranoid Right ruined it. That committee unfortunately went on to do some unsavory things after it was taken over - but a repeat can be avoided if the name of our new committee more clearly reflects our goals. Make no mistake: The right-wing press is a true menace to our republic - perhaps the most serious threat in modern times.

Don't hold your breath if you want to see the broken U.S. House start a committee to probe right-wing media. But that doesn't mean congressional leaders shouldn't be pestered until it happens.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "H Is For Hydrocortisone"

One Big H deserves another...

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I'm home, I'm home, I'm home!

Earlier I returned home from another trip to St. Louis. This trip was strictly recreational - focusing largely on a baseball game there - and was planned weeks ago. Ongoing events in that area did not affect my plans.

Several celebrity look-alikes were seen during my trip: Elvis Presley, Falco, Moon Zappa, and Katy Perry. Best all, an LAP bunker blast was detected.

Also, during the ball game, I saw 2 spectators who were in such a basebally mood that they bubbled. This includes a young woman who blew a huge bubble with bubble gum that burst all over her face. She spent the next minute or so peeling strands of burst bubble gum off her skin. (We were due for one of these, weren't we?)

Friday, August 15, 2014

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Tim Discovers Mapping Software"

Discover mapping software before mapping software discovers you...

Rick Perry indicted

Recently, I observed that there were at least 4 current Republican governors in the good ol' U.S. and A. nation who were about to be indicted - and I thought there could be 5 or 6. But I didn't think Rick Perry of Texas was among them - as much as I would've liked for him to be among them.

Well, that's all changed, because today Perry was indicted on felony charges of abuse of official capacity and coercion of a public servant - after he carried out a threat to veto funding for prosecution of public corruption. The ultraconservative buffoon is now the first Texas governor in 97 years to be indicted. The first charge carries 5 to 99 years in prison; the second carries 2 to 10.

Naturally, the right-wing armchair commentators are already defending Perry on newspaper websites.

Perry isn't running again, but is this a game changer for the upcoming midterms? If poo. If a Democrat had been indicted for the same thing, you know it would likely cost the Democrats the Senate - and yes, even the closely watched Kentucky House. Maybe even a Campbell County Fiscal Court seat. But the Republicans are of course held to a lower standard.


Sunday, August 10, 2014

Have no fear, the August ish is here!

Did you know that the August edition of The Last Word - our long-running fanzine of freedom - is now pub? Indeedaroony!

The latest ish discusses these important topics...

• My newest battle with bad computer speakers.

• The uproarious rise of mapping software.

• Kings Island ridiculousness.

• Another funny poo-poo story.

So point your proboscis here...

Friday, August 8, 2014

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "From Paducah Down To Natchez, People Praise Mr. Patches"

Tim talks about a character on 'The Uncle Al Show' who adapted an Eastern mantra for Western viewing tastes...

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Cincinnati mayor backs voting amendment

For a city with such a conservative reputation 20 years ago, it's surprising that it would take a progressive step like endorsing a new voting rights amendment.

Cincinnati Mayor John Cranley has become America's first mayor to publicly support a proposed amendment to the U.S. Constitution safeguarding the right to vote.

Doesn't the Constitution already protect the right to vote? By any real legal theory, yes. But this right has been chipped away at by right-wing lawmakers and activist judges. The Federalist Society terrorists on the Supreme Court even gutted the Voting Rights Act of 1965!

The new amendment should be passed - quickly. But with the toilet-like miasma of obstructionism looming over Congress and state legislatures, don't count on it.

Right-wing media attacks candidate for disability?

Shame on the Columbus Dispatch, Cincinnati Enquirer, and Associated Press. Shame, shame, shame!

My optimism about the upcoming midterm elections just sank like a rock because of The Media pawing around for a scandal where none seems to exist. The big "scandal" according to Ohio's right-wing press in recent days is the discovery that Democratic gubernatorial candidate Ed FitzGerald lacked a full driver's license for 4 years of his adult life.


So that's a "scandal"? What if he didn't drive in that timeframe? If he lives along a transit line or has a family member drive for him, why drive? If you don't drive, why get a license?

What if Ed FitzGerald had active epilepsy and was therefore barred from getting a license? In some jurisdictions, if you've had even one seizure in your entire life, you can't get a license - even if the seizures have been under control ever since.

What if FitzGerald had neuropathic nerve damage? I have neuropathic nerve damage. Is that a "scandal" now?

I don't know Ed FitzGerald's medical history, but isn't it at least possible that he couldn't drive due to a disability?

The Media is like the bully in school who beat up the kid in the wheelchair.

It turns out FitzGerald did have a limited license during at least some of that timeframe. If he was "seen driving" on a valid license, who the hell cares?!

Is it possible there's more to the story? Anything is possible, since it's hard to disprove a negative. But it's no more possible than it would be if it was any other politician.

FitzGerald - a Democrat - should be held to the same standard as any Republican. If the need arises, I will. But FitzGerald isn't on the verge of being indicted for any felonies - unlike at least 4 current Republican governors across the nation.

From this story, we know The Media is intent on doubling down for the next 3 months to "elect" Republicans. Brace yourselves.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

When Tim went to Sedamsville

I almost forgot to warn the world that I've posted last month's Roads Scholaring photos for the whole wide world to see. There's 22 items, and you can bip 'em all right here...

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Weird Al takes on the Tea Party?

I've got a new favorite song, everyone! If I had a personal weekly top 10 chart, this track would be #1 this week!

"Weird Al" Yankovic is back with a new album, and among its many instant classics is an original tune titled "First World Problems." This hilarious song lampoons a spoiled rich guy who complains about minor nuisances, such as his mansion being too big for wi-fi to cover it all.

The video is even funnier...

When I was in college, I had repeated altercations with a thug who I knew only as Helmethead. I called him that because of his hairstyle. He kept harassing me in the downstairs food court at NKU. In the above video, Weird Al strongly resembles ol' Helmethead. In fact, he looks just like him!!! Which is suitable because the song reflects Helmethead's spoiled outlook on life.

Is Mr. Yankovic actually singing about the Tea Party? All the Tea Party does is bellyache about how life is so unfair because the rich have to pay taxes just like working people do. Remember when the Tea Party held a convention in Washington, D.C., and demanded that the city add a special subway route just for them? That's the sort of crybaby that Weird Al seems to be singing about.

Weird Al is fighting the Evil Empire!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Another bunker blast hovers

Today at an important family gathering, the unmistakable audio of an LAP air biscuit was detected. It was as uproarious as you might imagine. This conduct was likened to that of a 12-year-old.

I laughed.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Speakers Of The House"

Brand new computer speakers mysteriously appear...

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Mr. Elbow Care thinks Israel has a dome

Mitch McConnell - who now trails in most polls - lives in an 8-year-old's sci-fi fantasy world of domed countries and currency made out of bubble gum.

The Iron Dome is the name of Israel's air defense system. It isn't literally a dome. It consists largely of missile launchers on the ground. During a recent interview, McConnell's Democratic opponent Alison Lundergan Grimes condemned Israeli attacks on Gaza civilians - but also said the Iron Dome had helped prevent attacks on Israel.

McConnell immediately went into gaffe mode and said it couldn't possibly be true that a dome could protect Israel from Hamas building tunnels to enter the country.

Uh, Mitch, do you even know what the Iron Dome is? It's not a dome, you idiot. This ranks right up there with Sarah Palin thinking Africa was a country.

Hilariously, the Republican Party of Kentucky doubled down and repeated McConnell's gaffe on its Facebook page.

Now that's a winning party!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Jer-ry, Jer-ry, Jer-ry...

Today I goed to Kroger, and on the way there, I saw a Jerry Springer look-alike.

Principal suspended for drinking beer

Gasp! Somebody drank beer! What is this world coming to?!

Recently, the principal of Henry Clay High School in Lexington, Kentucky, was suspended without pay for 2 days because he drank one beer at dinner with his wife. The headmaster's imbibement of alcohol took place on a trip for a cheerleading competition - but not in the presence of any students.

The principal issued a statement apologizing for having beer at dinner - as if he was involved in some serious scandal. "I deeply regret my actions and assure everyone in our school community that it will never happen again," he said.

I chewed bubble gum once. I deeply regret my actions and assure everyone in my school community that it will never happen again. Unless there's another war I want to prevent and need to use up all the rubber so there's none left for the war effort.

America's schools have been rendered a stale husk by the Far Right, and we're supposed to be worried about a principal drinking a beer with dinner?


Right-wing Kentucky lawmaker indicted for felony

The party that thinks it's owed control of the Kentucky legislature is now seeing yet another of its legislators indicted for a felony.

State Rep. Forrest Waide (or Ben as he calls himself), a far-right Madisonville Republican, has now been indicted by a grand jury for felony campaign finance violations. Waide is accused of accepting campaign money from a corporation and misspending campaign dough. Each charge carries up to 5 years in prison and a $10,000 fine.

A lawsuit also claims Waide diverted money from his business to pay for campaign expenses and legislative trips - even though he gets a legislative allowance.

Luckily for the GOPstapo, Waide isn't running for the Kentucky House again this year. But unluckily for them, he is running for Hopkins County Judge-Executive.

Remember this indictment the next time you hear some hack babbling about it's the Republicans' "turn" to take the Kentucky House - even though everything else the Republicans have touched in the past 35 years has turned to shit.


Friday, July 25, 2014

Tea Party tries to start race war in Queens

This story is reason #45,583,270,213,011,501,394,001 why the Tea Party needs to keep its snout out of where it doesn't belong.

New York City's popular Mayor Bill de Blasio has vowed to make fighting homelessness a priority. The de Blasio administration has reportedly proposed new affordable housing and instituting rent assistance for homeless families. But when the city converted an old hotel in Queens into a shelter for the homeless - most of whom have jobs - a far-right group called COMET (Communities of Maspeth & Elmhurst Together) went ballistic.

COMET was Tea Party years before the Tea Party thought they were cool. VOMET was like New York's version of Citizens for Community Values. Lately, these hapless losers have been conducting repeated protests against the new shelter. They've been surrounding the building and harassing the residents. And they've been coordinating with Republican officials.

Without a shred of evidence, COMET and the Tea Party blamed residents for minor crimes like shoplifting and public urination that have afflicted the neighborhood. They said the neighborhood had no crime before, but that's a lie. For instance, the precinct reported 434 burglaries just in one year - before the shelter was founded. One speaker at the protest said the homeless are "garbage."

This isn't only class warfare. It's becoming a race war too. All incited by the Tea Party.

It's gotten so bad that the city has had to send out buses to take the residents away during the protests.

Luckily, the neighborhood does have good people who are highly suspicious of Team Tyranny's protests - which leads me to believe that most of the protesters are from out of town. Folks have expressed disgust at the nasty tone of the rallies. But it may not matter since America is allowed to be ruled by a heckler's veto.

GOP legislator registered to vote in multiple states

The Republicans were right: There really is a lot of voter fraud. But it's all committed by Republicans.

Washington State Rep. Mike Hope - a Republican - has now been forced to resign after it was discovered that he was registered to vote in both Washington state and Ohio.

The details of this scandal are sketchy. Maybe he was on one of those Tea Party buses that were reportedly seen around here on Election Day schlepping people around to vote at multiple polling locations.


Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Mr. Peanut Is Cool"

Tim talks about another hilarious advertising mascot...

NBC stovepipes TheBlaze lies

That's an interesting urban legend the right-wing media is spreading about President Obama's motorcade blocking a pregnant woman from getting to the hospital. As it turns out, it didn't quite happen the way the press says it did.

The incident was reported by KNBC-TV in Los Angeles - owned by NBC, which in turn is owned by the right-wing Comcast syndicate. Instead of using a credible source, they picked up an alleged witness's statements from TheBlaze, a fascist network and website founded by Glenn Beck.

Shame on you, NBC. You lied and got away with it.

The FCC and our legislators need to open an official investigation into The Media for coordinating with the Republican Party.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Fort Wayne GOPstapo overrides "right-to-work" veto

Yes, there is a major American city that's more conservative than Cincinnati.

Remember last week when the mayor of Fort Wayne, Indiana, vetoed a misnamed "right-to-work" bill? Well, yesterday the right-wing City Council voted along party lines to override his veto.

It takes real arrogance to override a mayor on something like this and go completely against the will of the people - but it's not unprecedented.

Tim fights the Far Right with Northeast photos

To satisfy the forces of roadliness, I've publicly posted 327 photos and videos from last month's trek to the Northeastern U.S. They're divided into 11 parts.

Know what you're gonna do? Read 'em. Know what else you're gonna do? Peep.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Activist judges nearly wreck Obamacare

It never ends with these right-wing clowns, does it?

Today, there have been 2 rather significant court rulings on a frivolous lawsuit that attempts to gut the Affordable Care Act by saying you can't get insurance subsidies unless you live in one of the few states that has its own exchange. While the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit upheld this key Obamacare provision, a panel of judges for the D.C. Circuit did the opposite - which threatens the very core of health care reform.

For starts, there's nothing in the Affordable Care Act that says subsidies are limited to just the states with their own exchanges. The lawsuit was based on a supposedly ambiguous line in the law - but the rest of the law is perfectly clear.

Also, with the right-wing brain trust complaining that Obamacare makes health insurance costlier, why did they sue to halt a provision that provides subsidies to make it cheaper? You can't complain that the law drives up insurance costs, while filing a lawsuit against a part of the law that lowers the costs.

If that ruling stands, what is the reaction going to be by all the people who will receive a letter saying they won't get their subsidy anymore? In a big state like Florida, that's about 900,000 households.

Will it stand? If poo.