The June ish of The Last Word is now pub, and I have to admit, we can't top the previous few editions. Those were epic.
But you'll love our latest offering anyway! In the latest issue, we discuss...
• Details of my police encounter in Park Hills.
• My attempts to break my leg so I could miss church.
• The electrifying 1970s TV show 'Juvenile Court'.
• The destruction of a Runts dispenser.
• Donald Trump's inability to blow a bubble with bubble gum.
• Chewing bubble gum in church.
• An Illinois town's attempt to land a new prison by making an idiotic rap video.
• People's faces getting farted in.
• And more! It's not sold in any store!
So waste Scribd's bandwidth by pointing your pooper here...
If that doesn't work, waste my bandwidth by pointing it here...
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
The June ish of The Last Word is now pub, and I have to admit, we can't top the previous few editions. Those were epic.
Posted by Bandit at 10:24 PM
The Trump regime went out of its way to propose the most malevolent federal budget it possibly could - and it's so extreme it probably can't even pass.
Among other vital programs, Trump proposes slashing SSDI - the popular Social Security Disability Insurance program that provides benefits to disabled workers. Uh, SSDI is an earned benefit. It's not welfare. Everybody who receives SSDI benefits paid into it while working.
The Hill - which has done nothing but praise Trump lately - falsely said that this budget wouldn't touch Social Security. That's untrue because SSDI is a major part of Social Security that's been around since President Eisenhower established SSDI in 1956.
If the budget does pass, people will die from it. That's certain. It's not like any firms out there are hiring anyone - disabled or not. Working in fast food is not an option for a 50-year-old with a double hip replacement. People didn't go to college just to have Donald Trump steal their money and force them to work in fast food after they become ill or get hurt on the job.
The Senate is only 52 to 48 Republican (if you count the 2 independents as part of the Democratic caucus), so it's hard to see how the GOP can find enough senators who aren't worried about voters' reaction to having their Social Security taken away. But it's hard to say for sure, with the increasing arrogance in the Republican Party.
Posted by Bandit at 12:21 AM
Monday, May 22, 2017
The United States isn't the only place where right-wing mobs attack dissenters. It's happening in Venezuela too.
Much as the CIA helped fund the Tea Party, the CIA is also bankrolling a far-right movement to overthrow Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro. Yesterday, this mob burned a 21-year-old man alive because he declared that he supported the progressive agenda of the late President Hugo Chávez.
Maduro said, "A person was set on fire, beaten up, stabbed. ... They nearly lynched him, just because he shouted out that he was a Chavista." The man was doused in gasoline and set ablaze. Maduro rightly called the assailants "fascist." A video showed another person being beaten up by right-wing demonstrators, and photos showed the mob throwing Molotov cocktails.
They've even launched attacks outside Venezuela. The daughter of a Venezuelan mayor was attacked in Australia by 2 assailants who screamed, "Thanks to your father, people are dying in Venezuela." A similar incident occurred in Florida, where a man was chased out of a bakery.
The Far Right has one thing in common anywhere in the world: their propensity for violence.
Posted by Bandit at 11:38 AM
Sunday, May 21, 2017
I just thought of a few facts about poverty in America that will send the Far Right into a screeching tantrum...
Today, somewhere in America, a poor person smiled, because they were happy.
A poor person listened to music, which entertained them, and made them happy.
A poor person had a snack, which tasted good, and made them happy.
A poor person saw their children, parents, or other relatives, which made them happy.
A poor person bicycled up the street and back, which gave them fresh air, and made them happy.
A poor person saw a beautiful painting, which made them happy.
A poor person spent the day with their relationship partner, which made them happy.
A poor person said something funny, which made them laugh, and made them happy.
A poor person took care of a pet, which made them happy.
A poor person attended religious services today - or on any day in the past week that their faith holds services - and maybe, just maybe, there's a chance it made them happy. (Not my thing, but to each their own.)
Some of us are happy even in poverty. The Far Right just cannot stand us being happy. It seeps right through everything the classist Right has said and done in recent years. Every public meltdown, every government policy, everything. It shows even in the Trump budget. They don't like it that we manage to hold on to a swatch of dignity - no matter how hard they try to take it away.
They have tried so hard to deprive me and millions of others of joy and freedom - often hiding their intent in a flurry of high-sounding phrases. Considering how hard they've tried, and all the help they've gotten from The Media, the Far Right's failure rate couldn't possibly be any worse.
Money can't always buy happiness. And to paraphrase "Weird Al" Yankovic, we don't always have to rent it. Who is really more miserable in life? In recent months, I've had some of the most amazing experiences, but how much of a wreck must the 1% be to derive satisfaction from bringing everyone else down?
Think about all this for a moment.
They can kill every public program they can think of, but they won't succeed in their goal of killing all of us.
Posted by Bandit at 7:11 PM
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Last night, I had another funny dream.
The dream included a combination toilet/record player. It was a toilet, but it had a record player inside the bowl, and the turntable was below the water level. Someone used it to play 45's of lost '80s hits.
Posted by Bandit at 10:03 AM
Monday, May 15, 2017
Last night I had what may well be the most ridiculous dream I've ever had. Back when I was about 10, I had a dream in which Ronald Reagan was seen in a motel hallway with smoke coming out of his pants, and another in which I watched a cartoon in which Wonder Woman threw a tantrum because her Lasso of Truth broke, but this one is even more preposterous.
In this strange dream last night, I watched a TV show in which Chuck Mangione blew a bubble with bubble gum through his flugelhorn. I swear I am not making this up.
Posted by Bandit at 6:35 PM
As an intelligent person might say: So this happened.
Roseburg, Oregon, is a decent-sized town, but now all of Douglas County is losing its public library system all because the Tea Party town criers opened their shit-caked little mouths.
In recent years, Douglas County has been literally invaded by lazy Tea Party activists moving in from out of town. While they whine about foreign immigration, the Tea Party moves into communities, sells heroin, and contributes absolutely nothing positive. Tea Party voters recently rejected a tax measure that would have cost the owner of a median-priced house only $6 a month. Because of this, the libraries have to shut down.
Six dollars. Matt Bevin's proposed sales tax increase will cost me an estimated $15 a month, and I have far less money than someone with a median-priced home. So the Tea Party needs to shut their fucking mouths.
It's hard to imagine a modern community with no public library, but the Footloosers in the Tea Party decided to play God and decreed that a whole county in Oregon can't have one.
Posted by Bandit at 12:10 AM
Friday, May 12, 2017
Although Wednesday's Roads Scholaring was spoiled by being pulled over by the Park Hills Police, it still yielded 16 brand bubble-bustin' new photos.
You know what you're gonna do? Peep 'em...
Posted by Bandit at 10:09 AM
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
I can't remember any other day on which I saw such a tragedy of official errors that I saw today. Part of it is because I went to Fort Wright, so it should have been expected, but I'm frankly tired of it.
I'm sick of being treated this way. Absolutely sick of it.
I plan to write about today's biggest official error of all in more detail in the June ish of The Last Word, but here's a synopsis. I bicycled to Fort Wright, and went home through Park Hills. I biked the old path of Mount Allen Road, which was almost impassable, but it's a public right-of-way, and there's no law against using it. After I emerged onto Dixie Highway, the Park Hills Police pulled me over. But by that time, I was in Covington.
I was actually interrogated and frisked right there on Pike Street! Apparently, someone in Park Hills didn't like me using "their" roads and cried to the police. I guess somebody was afraid they might catch strabismus.
Clearly, the police were wrong, because they responded to a frivolous complaint. There's no way you could reasonably think I was breaking any law that wasn't completely laughable or was in imminent danger. The cops were just responding to someone's classist temper tantrum - like what's happened to me so many times before.
I really don't feel safe with this level of classism out there.
Posted by Bandit at 5:24 PM
Lovely. Some nobody from Answers in Genesis is suing the Grand Canyon in an effort to prove the world is less than 10,000 years old. I swear I am not making this up.
The Kentucky geologist has filed a lawsuit against Grand Canyon National Park and the Department of the Interior, claiming that the park wouldn't let him take rocks to try to prove his thesis. Even if the rocks are less than 10,000 years old, it still doesn't prove he's right.
He claims he's a victim of religious discrimination, and he has enlisted the help of the far-right Alliance Defending Freedom - which the SPLC classifies as a hate group - for his frivolous lawsuit.
When are the courts going to drop the hammer on Alliance Defending Freedom? These legal terrorists have filed so many absolutely idiotic lawsuits, and I can't think of a single damn one that isn't completely frivolous.
I'm tired of Answers in Genesis screaming about discrimination, when they discriminate against everybody else - and use taxpayer money to do it.
Posted by Bandit at 4:38 PM
I can't believe I'm writing this in 2017.
The unincorporated town of Piner in Kenton County is dry: No alcohol may be sold there. Yesterday, there was an election in that precinct on whether to finally repeal prohibition. Piner voted 55% to 45% to remain dry.
In 2016, Donald Trump won Piner by a 5-to-1 margin. How can a community that votes for a man who has been a champion of excess deny personal choices to its citizenry? How can a village that votes for Tea Party candidates - who claim to be for "limited government" - vote to ban alcohol?
The hypocrisy of many of those who claim to support "limited government" is mind-blowing.
Posted by Bandit at 10:41 AM
Thursday, May 4, 2017
The latest Campbell County Tea Party scandal expands, as Tim Nolan is now also facing charges of rape, witness tampering, and prostitution - plus more charges of human trafficking and giving alcohol or drugs to a minor. Nolan was indicted on the new charges today. The indictment says Nolan tried to induce a possible witness to either not testify or change their testimony.
If convicted, the Tea Party politician faces a maximum sentence of over 100 years in prison.
Posted by Bandit at 4:59 PM
Today we devoured lunchage at the combination Subway/Burger King in Bellevue, and a ridiculous spectacle ensued.
A clearly intoxicated man was sitting at the table behind us, reading the much-ridiculed Cincinnati Enquirer. When he was leaving, he tried imposing the shredded tabloid upon us, but we didn't want it, so he spread it on another table. Then he started giving a speech about Donald Trump.
"Trump," he started out.
Is that a question, a factual statement, an opinion, or what?
Then he yelled some vague pro-Trump sentiment and stomped out of the restaurant. Snickers were heard from other customers.
A few minutes later, in a separate incident, a man lamented the miserable quality of his Burger King meal as he tossed it in the trash can. "I'm gonna call corporate!" he exclaimed.
Posted by Bandit at 1:30 PM
Kentucky State Rep. C. Wesley Morgan (R-Richmond) is one of those far, far, far right-wing whack-a-doodles narrowly "elected" in 2016.
Now the Tea Party legislator has been charged with transporting liquor in a vehicle that doesn't have a state-approved transporter's license. He has tried to change this law - but failed.
I guess that means I can break laws I don't like. Thanks a billion, Wes.
It turns out that back in 2015, Morgan faced a similar charge. This was conveniently ignored by the right-wing media.
Posted by Bandit at 12:54 PM
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
The fascist Right complains that the rich pay too much in taxes, but their lame whinings are out of line for at least several reasons: 1) the rich pay a smaller percentage than the poor; 2) it would likely be unconstitutional to make the poor pay more.
As so-called Gov. Matt Bevin plans to expand Kentucky's sales tax to cover all food purchases, one big quandary seems to be missing from the debate. Not a surprise, because The Media supports everything the little criminal does - even firing their own pollster that showed him losing the election handily. The issue is this: How is it constitutional or fair to protect the money and property of the rich to a greater extent than that of the poor? What about the concerns over taxation without representation?
Taxation itself is not unconstitutional. Progressive taxation is a condign mandate by the people. But wouldn't it be a violation of due process to tax the poor more just for its own sake? Why should the government protect the rich but not the poor?
How many poor people actually serve in our legislatures? Isn't this also an issue of taxation without representation? It's fair to tax the rich simply on this principle, since there are more poor than rich. But what's the average income of our lawmakers compared to the general public?
It's bad enough that The Media and other elites actively try to suppress economic class consciousness. Fortunately, working-class Americans who vote for more progressive candidates do still exist, and we're a gallant crowd. The rumors are true: Left-wing populism is still honored by many Americans. The right-wing elites can't murder an idea - not even pride in one's economic class. But why are the complaints of the Far Right even still taken seriously after they've been debunked again and again?
Posted by Bandit at 3:23 PM
Since Kentucky passed an unconstitutional right-to-scab law early this year, the state now has the weakest jobs outlook in modern times.
The Kentucky economy has been weakened so much that the state's General Fund - which pays for most public services - is expected to have a shortfall of $113.2 million when the fiscal year ends on June 30.
So what's in store for Kentuckians? A sales tax increase - of course. And more budget cuts - of course. State officials won't do anything smart like repeal right-to-scab, or eliminate handouts for corporations and Answers in Genesis.
Out-of-touch right-wing extremists like State Rep. Steven Rudy seem to be generating lots of laughs directed at their own visages. Rudy declared, "I think the people would say they prefer a more consumption-based tax system to one that taxes incomes."
But - under one-party Republican rule - that's what we're likely to get. The scandal-tarred Matt Bevin plans to expand Kentucky's 6% sales tax to cover all food items. As states like Idaho are on the brink of repealing food taxes - progress in Idaho was blocked only by a right-wing governor's veto - Kentucky revs up in reverse.
It's a Republican tradition. They mismanaged the state budget and passed laws that kill jobs - and now they're leaving the people on the hook to pay for this greed and incompetence. Oh well, nothing new.
Posted by Bandit at 10:33 AM
Sunday, April 30, 2017
People wasted gum and didn't think it was funny.
You can read all about it in the latest ish of The Last Word! (Where else?) This ish also talks about a Trumpthug's public meltdown on Fountain Square, not to mention these other important stories...
• A dumb tobacco ad.
• People trying to flush their eyeglasses down the toilet.
• Buying ruined books off Amazon.
• C-3PO's genitalia.
• A racist politician impersonating someone of the opposite sex.
• A giant gumball invading my old high school.
• A tribute to WCLU.
• Chuck E. Cheese's butchering song lyrics.
• YouTube's revival of 'Electric Company' music.
• And more!
This ish has a good gum-to-noise ratio too! So point your pooper here to read the latest edition of The Last Word...
If that doesn't work, peep here...
Posted by Bandit at 12:59 AM
Friday, April 28, 2017
Nineteen-year-old Mitchell Adkins of Cincinnati went on a stabbing rampage today at a coffee shop at Transylvania University in Lexington, Kentucky. But he spared one group: Republicans.
The machete-wielding maniac yelled something about a "day of reckoning" and asked customers about their political leanings. Upon discovering that a customer was a Republican, Adkins assured her, "You are safe."
Adkins has now been charged with assault and wanton endangerment for his politically motivated attack against anyone who is not a Republican.
As it turns out, Adkins is a former Transylvania student who once wrote an article whining about the university "discriminating" against him for being conservative. He claimed that having to hear views different from his own caused him to drop out of this school and landed him in a mental institution.
Posted by Bandit at 4:02 PM
I get it. Free speech. I know city officials in Pikeville, Kentucky, can't legally stop a white supremacist group from Michigan from stampeding into town to hold a rally tomorrow.
Yet - strangely - free speech doesn't seem to apply to antiracists who oppose the rally's message. The city has just passed an emergency ordinance banning the wearing of masks. The law is targeted at antiracists who often wear masks while rallying against right-wing events.
Pikeville officials fell over themselves to show what First Amendment champions they are by allowing the rally - yet they won't allow counterprotesters to wear masks? The Lexington Herald-Leader reports there's "a concern in Pikeville because there has been information circulating on social media that anti-racists will protest the white nationalist rally." Shouldn't the concern be the trouble started by the racists, not their opponents? Indeed, a group called Anti-Racist Action reports that their members wear masks because racists had been photographing them so they could later hunt them down and attack them.
This is a classic case of "free speech for me, not for thee", but I'm shocked that city officials would be so flagrant about favoring organizations that are openly racist.
Posted by Bandit at 12:44 PM
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Even for the Far Right, crime doesn't always pay.
Back in 2015, Allen Scarsella of Bloomington, Minnesota - a man known for sending out racist text messages - opened fire on a Black Lives Matter event in Minneapolis. The shooting wounded 5 men. This terrorist attack was largely ignored by the right-wing media.
Now Scarsella has been sentenced to 15 years and 2 months in prison for assault and riot charges stemming from the attack. Prosecutors wanted 20 years, but we all know right-wing terrorists are almost never punished that severely - seeing how they're special and privileged. If he serves all 15 years, he'll be younger when he gets released than I am now.
There's no doubt that he intended to murder as many Black Lives Matter activists as possible. He should have been charged with attempted murder - not mere assault.
Posted by Bandit at 5:09 PM
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
I've never been to Scotland, but I'm missing a lot of hilarious stuff!
I've just been told that an Ann Coulter look-alike was sighted at Edinburgh Castle. Meanwhile, a boy who was about 8 years old ripped an LAP bunker blast! Later, some woman bubbled on the Royal Mile.
Posted by Bandit at 4:49 PM
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Right-wing legislators in Kentucky are trying to legalize hate crimes and wage theft - yet Kentucky communities are allowed to overregulate everything else.
The city of Richmond, Kentucky, is trying to fine the owner of a house because there's 4 university students living there as roommates. You see, Richmond has an ordinance banning more than 2 unrelated people from sharing a home in areas zoned as single-family residential.
With housing costs going through the roof, the city actually enforces this prohibition?
Interesting how the Tea Party types screaming about excessive regulation fall suspiciously silent about cases like this.
Posted by Bandit at 12:00 PM
Monday, April 24, 2017
Some of you may know that the fascist Tom Price's old U.S. House seat in Georgia is being seriously contested in a June runoff - and it may even be a likely Democratic pick-up. But there's no doubt that progress in this area north of Atlanta has been gunked up by the politics that gave it one of the strangest municipalities in America of any significant size.
In terms of administration, Sandy Springs, Georgia, has one of the most unusual features of any city: privatization of almost all public services. The now-defunct nearby city of Chattahoochee Plantation though was just as weird.
Usually, right-wingers try to block people from banding together for a positive purpose. For instance, they're militantly opposed to labor unions. Incorporating a city is sort of like the people's union. But right-wingers support incorporating cities as long as it's for unliberal purposes. Texas, for example, even specifically encourages cities to incorporate for such reasons. Georgia allowed Chattahoochee Plantation to incorporate back in 1961. The only reason was to block Atlanta from expanding into Cobb County.
Why were some people so fearful of being annexed by Atlanta? Let's be honest here. The Incorporation of Chattahoochee Plantation was motivated by racism. It's not the only city to incorporate to block annexation by another city because of racism - I believe a small suburb in my area incorporated for the same reason - but what's unusual in this case was the town's layout. The so-called city was 30 miles long - but only 10 feet wide. Hardly anyone actually lived within the city's limits, since it was too narrow for a house. The city wasn't formed by its own residents - since there were hardly any - but by other folks in Cobb County who just wanted to box Atlanta in.
Chattahoochee Plantation never actually formed a government. It was just a line on a map - though it was so narrow that I can't find it on USGS maps of that era.
This brings us to the story of Sandy Springs. By the 1980s, Sandy Springs - an unincorporated suburban area in Fulton County - was home to tens of thousands of people. This area was also hostile to annexation by Atlanta. So people there tried to be annexed by Chattahoochee Plantation instead.
That effort fell apart, and Chattahoochee Plantation was later forced to give up its incorporation. But lo! Sandy Springs was finally able to incorporate in 2005, when it had 90,000 people and its own skyscrapers. One of the reasons for this incorporation was so the rich could have their own city - for the county had been rightly using revenues from this area to fund poorer areas. Although incorporation would adversely affect the rest of the county, voters in those areas were not allowed to vote on the incorporation referendum.
What makes Sandy Springs so unusual is its failed model of privatizing pretty much everything. Some cities farm out certain services like garbage collection, but in Sandy Springs, practically the whole city government is privately run. In other words, it's not even a city. It's a corporation.
The City Hall is in an industrial park, and very few of its employees are on the public payroll. If you apply for a business license, you have to talk to people from a foreign company - not City Hall. The 911 dispatch center is run out of a private firm in New Jersey. Even the city's court is mostly privatized. Local officials call it "the model." Kind of like "the leader." It's not just a corporation, but a mind control program.
Sandy Springs has exported this greed-driven system to a few other places - such as Dana Plato's hometown of Maywood, California, which fired all municipal workers. One Maywood city official says this actually drove up the cost of running the city - and ruined the quality of public services.
But a lot of public officials just won't learn, I guess.
Meanwhile, Fulton County's poorest areas are being robbed to pad the coffers of businesses hired by Sandy Springs.
Posted by Bandit at 10:08 PM
Sunday, April 23, 2017
After last month's discomforts, I don't intend on flying a commercial airliner ever again, but people e-mail me saying they see celebrity look-alikes on flights that they take.
I've just been informed that on an international flight from Detroit to Amsterdam, a flight attendant resembling Carlton Banks, the conservative Ivy Leaguer on The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, was sighted.
On this same flight, someone wafted a foul SBD bunker blast.
Posted by Bandit at 4:56 PM
Friday, April 21, 2017
Remember Tim Nolan?
Nolan is a former Campbell County judge who later disgraced himself by joining the Tea Party and becoming one of its most active members. He filed a frivolous lawsuit trying to close the Newport courthouse. This past November, he managed to get elected to the Campbell County school board - to the delight of those who long for the days when the school system was the area's laughingstock. GOPFacts.org accuses Nolan of being "one of Campbell County's most vehement racists" - resulting in Nolan suing the website. He also headed Donald Trump's Campbell County campaign.
Now Nolan has been charged with human trafficking and unlawful transaction with a minor. Authorities say Nolan, 70, induced a minor into illicit sexual activity and gave alcohol to the minor.
If the allegations are true, this continues a long string of serious crime by the local Tea Party, which also includes the Tea Party's drug dealing.
Posted by Bandit at 6:51 PM
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Sunday, April 16, 2017
I grew up on the mean streets of Highland Heights, Kentucky, and I know the '90s were the low point in the history of the Campbell County Schools. Among other problems, the school district engaged in a pattern of closing and consolidating schools - forcing most students to travel miles further each day to receive the education they were entitled to.
Now the school system finally realizes it was a mistake to merge its 2 middle schools back then. I knew firsthand that one of them was already too crowded. But school officials are finally admitting that the merged middle school is "aging" (as it occupies the old high school building).
Couldn't they see this coming 25 years ago?
Now the school system needs 2 new middle schools - which it already had before they gunked everything up. They want to build one of them in the northern end of the district - which has most of the population, but is now furthest from any schools.
At least the Campbell County Schools are finally coming to their senses about this. It's a shame they have such baggage left behind by the Footloosers.
Posted by Bandit at 10:22 AM