Friday, December 31, 2010

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Go To Dover, Grover!"

Go to Dover, Delaware, Grover. And do it now. It's for your own good!

I just arrived home from a trip to the Delmarva Peninsula, after leaving Dover this morning. I had enough time to throw together a brand spang-new 'Lawn Chair Quarterback' describing the trip's doings - including almost accidentally driving onto an Air Force base.

Ya know, the government really needs to sign its military bases better.

So peep our latest 'LCQ':

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

More pharmacy fascism

As if today wasn't fascist enough, it's gettin' plumb worser!

Now the city of Peoria, Arizona, is trying to pass an ordinance to fingerprint everybody who picks up perfectly legal prescription drugs at the pharmacy.

The ACLU has already cited privacy concerns in opposing the measure.

Where's the teagaggers in opposing this?

Meth labs soar in Mississippi because of pseudoephedrine law

Oops. (Slaps head.) Didn't think this would happen, did ya? (Yeah, right.)

This year, Mississippi became the second state to require a prescription for over-the-counter pseudoephedrine allergy drugs. The law was signed by white supremacist Gov. Haley Barbour. And - as in Oregon - passage of this law was promptly followed by a sharp spike in meth labs.

One county alone has seen over 100 meth labs this year, including almost 30 just in the month after the law took effect.

Meanwhile, Mississippians who try to buy over-the-counter pseudoephedrine in neighboring states are illegally turned away by drugstores. As if that wasn't enough, a computerized system then alerts Mississippi authorities, who then set up unconstitutional roadblocks to bust these allergy sufferers when they try reentering the Magnolia State.

Gee, thanks, Haley Barbour, you idiot. As long as you're governor, I don't think the other states have to worry about being ranked #51 at many things. Still, that's no excuse, and it's time we fight the teabaggers who got this law passed.

Science chair doesn't believe in science

Any time the right-wing brain trust controls a legislative body, America learns anew the ravages of right-wing thought policing.

Congressional Republicans are installing Rep. Ralph Hall of Texas as the chairperson of the House's science committee. But Hall wouldn't recognize science if it jumped out of his TV screen during '3-2-1 Contact' and slimed him. He wants to subpoena climate change scientists because their findings contradict his ideology.

Nothing like putting discredited politics ahead of science, eh, Ralph?

Hall also praised BP for its recent oil spill and explosion that killed 11 people, injured many more, and polluted the Gulf of Mexico. Hall gushed, "As we saw that thing bubbling out, blossoming out – all that energy, every minute of every hour of every day of every week – that was tremendous to me."

Eleven oil workers were dead, survivors were barely clinging to life as they crawled through the wreckage of the rig, and Ralph Hall was acting like he'd seen the greatest porn website ever. Of course, Hall has received thousands of dollars in campaign dough from BP.

The Republican thought police doesn't care any more about social science than it does about physical science. This is a party that literally holds small-r republicanism in contempt. They don't deal with disagreements using the republican process. They scream, cry, bully, and bury all dissent in a sewage-filled chasm of elitist nonsense.

In 2011, our New Year's resolution is going to be to deliver the knockout punch the GOP has earned many times over. I've never broken a New Year's resolution, and I don't plan to start now. And I plan to take the DLC down with the Republican drug kingpins. The only reason I didn't do it yet is that I'm letting WikiLeaks work its magic. Trust me: We're getting more out of it this way.


Friday, December 24, 2010

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "It's Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas"

Farts. Bunker blasts. Trouser sneezes. Air biscuits. Letting the frippins out.

Christmasy all!

Every holiday season, people always rip SBD bunkeroos at family gatherings. I'm talking about passing gas here, folks. You know, the funny act.

It's how we celebrate the season. Well, not me personally, since I'm not the one who releases these air muffins. But somebody always does. After all the years - actually decades - that this has been going on, nobody can agree on who it is.

So I need to put on my Sherlock Hemlock hat and figure out who's filling the air with this hilarity. I've narrowed it down to the human members of the family. Dogs can express feelings of joy, but I don't think they realize that bunker blasts are what brings such laughter. Possible, but unlikely.

It can't be somebody on TV either, because it happens even when the TV is off.

Our latest 'LCQ' celebrates the holidays by exploring the phenomenon of Christmastime flatulence:

Happy Holidays from everybody here at the 'Pail! And may all your bunker blasts hover hilariously!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Radio? What's that? ('Sesame Street' Wednesday)

Remember when there used to be something called radio?

If you're an old dude like me, you might recall this invention. It was a device that let you hear talk and music through the air. Why, cars had radios. They still do. It's that little thing with numbers on it that nobody uses anymore.

What's radio? It's that thing that interferes with your computer speakers. That's what radio is.

But radio used to be quite influential. Americans my age were raised on this medium. It was often the arbiter of what music would become popular. Twenty years ago, station personnel even accepted payola (in the form of money and drugs) from record labels to play their music. That's why so much bad music became popular at the time. Even if the labels didn't own so many stations now, they wouldn't bother with this today, because nobody listens to radio anymore.

'Sesame Street' taught about radio during the show's very first season 41 years ago:

Reportedly, that segment was voiced by Casey Kasem - one of radio's most legendary broadcasters of modern times. However, it sounds nothing like him, so I can't be too sure.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Census brings GOP disappointment

We know to quake with fright every 10 years when the census numbers come out. It seems like Republican states always gain a stunningly high number of congressional seats with each decennial reapportionment, and that's a crying shame.

Now the 2010 results are rolling out, and the GOP is having a hard time hiding their chagrin that their net gains aren't as much as they hoped. ("Depressing," lamented one Freeper.) I doubt it's even close to what they gained in 1990 or 2000, when the 2 most inaccurate censuses in the country's history meant that the amount of seats a state gained was almost directly proportional to the state's Republican leanings.

With the right-wing base gone rural, Republican states should have cleaned up this time - since it's the rural areas that have room to grow. What inner city has room for new houses? But Republican states' growth is now proving to be anemic.

The Republican thought police takes comfort in Texas gaining 4 seats. But these will be in the state's most Democratic areas, so it won't help the GOP's congressional power.

The new census figures reinforce several important points. First, they confirm that the Republicans did indeed intentionally rig the census in 1990 and 2000. It's just too much of a coincidence that most solidly Republican states gained seats in those years while most reliably Democratic states lost seats.

Secondly, the new numbers prove that folks don't want to live in fascism-blighted regions even when they have room to grow. People would rather squeeze into a big city than live with the teabaggers' failed policies in the countryside. For years, I've always heard people talk about how they want to move to liberal areas. I've hardly ever heard anybody say they wanted to move to a conservative area.

If folks wanted to be governed based on the Tea Party model, why aren't we seeing a continuation of the trends of the previous 2 censuses? If conservative areas didn't have so much room, they wouldn't have grown at all. Just think of the waterworks we'd get to enjoy then. (Freepers are already accusing the Census Bureau of denying North Carolina an extra seat for being too Republican.)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Call it the Crazy Amendment

I know you've been on the edge of your chair waiting to see how low the Tea Party thought police could possibly sink. But I think now the suspense has finally ended.

I call it the Crazy Amendment, and the teabaggers want to ram it through like the rest of their goofy-ass ideas. This proposal is a planned amendment to the U.S. Constitution that would let the legislatures of two-thirds of the states declare federal laws unconstitutional and overturn them. It has already been introduced in Congress by right-wing lawmakers.

This is loopy on so many levels. For starts, it defies the principles of federalism. It also guts separation of powers by giving lawmakers powers reserved for the other branches of government. It gives corrupt state political machines too much sway over national policy. And it lets blocs of small states run roughshod over the public's will: Remember, it would let two-thirds of the state legislatures repeal federal laws - not two-thirds of the public.

If the teagaggers are so up in arms about bossy federal laws, why don't they take it to the people instead of to the crooked state machines? There's a reason why our system splits federal and state powers, folks. And there's also a reason why our system has 3 branches of government.

This would be laughable if it wasn't such an utter mockery of our constitutional republic.

Meanwhile, they let the amendment against corporate personhood languish.


Saturday, December 18, 2010

GOP blocks bill against child marriage


On Thursday, the House voted on a bill to combat child marriages as a human rights violation. You'd think nobody would oppose this bill - but with the modern Republican Party around, guess again.

The bill failed to pass because almost all Republicans voted against it.

Nice to know the Republicans support child marriages. Then again, is it surprising? It's been obvious for 20 years that their party leadership thinks children are property, and I think they even touched on their hostility to children's interests in the '92 campaign.


"Don't ask, don't tell" repeal saves tax dollars

All American taxpayers should be breathing a sigh of joy today, as the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy has now just been repealed by Congress.

This will save tax dollars. Just think how much money the military wasted on the process of expelling gay personnel.

Of course, because the Republicans hate gays, the GOP tried blocking the policy's repeal. To them, their desire to ruin the careers of gay soldiers is more important than military readiness or saving the taxpayers' money. (After the Republicans just foisted a tax deal upon the country that will add almost $1,000,000,000,000 to the deficit, it's already clear they don't care about saving money.)

Oh well. The Republicans hate everybody. Let's not care what they think.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "The War On The Cities"

There's a war out there!

It's a war of suburban aggression - carried out by the Republican Party, which has controlled America's purse strings for most of the past 30 years.

These days - because of this war - residents of poor central cities pay a disproportionate amount of taxes, while wealthy exurbs get more than their share of the benefits. Call it reverse redistribution. Indeed, the cities are now about to have (in comparison with their size) less representation in Congress and state legislatures than at any other time since the '60s when a series of "one person, one vote" rulings was established.

Make no mistake: If you're a rich suburbanite, your vote counts more than that of a working-class city dweller. "One person, one vote"? That's not what we have these days.

Frankly, I'm sick of hearing the teagaggers whine about how "oppressed" they are out there in exurbia.

In a nutshell, our money is going to those who would deny us basic liberties.

'LCQ' to the rescue! Our latest 'Lawn Chair Quarterback' explores this phenomenon in hairy detail:

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Outrage at the polls in Tennessee

Lately, the Tea Party freaks have been trying to spread their bullshit opinion that only people who own real property should be allowed to vote. Some of them have even said that only folks who pay income taxes should be able to vote - thus excluding people who don't make enough money to have to pay this tax. That would violate the Constitution's ban on poll taxes, but who expects the teagaggers to actually give a shit what the Constitution says?

Turns out though that Tennessee seems to have come very close to quietly reinstating the property requirement - and hardly anybody has noticed. The only difference is that instead of denying somebody the right to vote if they don't own property, Tennessee now lets folks cast extra votes if they do own property.

Under this law, cities and towns are required to allow nonresidents to vote in citywide elections if they own property within city limits. School districts may do the same.

Er. What ever happened to the days of "one person, one vote"? Now large landowners in Tennessee can cast one vote in each city where they own property. In fact, they don't even have to live in Tennessee - or even the United States!

I don't know of anywhere else in America that's had a law like this in modern times. Now we know one of the reasons why elections in the Volunteer State have such fucked-up results these days.

This is reminiscent of some right-wing whack-a-doodle some years back who wrote a book expressing his fantasy of letting folks cast one vote for each dollar they had. That's exactly what this is like - and the courts need to throw this law out at once. In a democratic republic, the limit's one vote per customer, folks.

Think I'm making this up? Here's a website that describes Tennessee's goofy-ass law that gives voting rights to property:

Stop denying the poor the voting strength that rich landowners have.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Lawmaker wants to censor media outlets that support WikiLeaks

Congressman-select Allen West (R-Florida) - who is a nutcase and war criminal who pleaded guilty to assaulting a prisoner in Iraq - doesn't just want to censor WikiLeaks. He also wants to censor anybody who supports WikiLeaks.

In an Internet broadcast, West declared that the government "should be censoring" news outlets that are "applauding" the WikiLeaks release of damning documents.

So if some newspaper or blog somewhere runs an editorial praising WikiLeaks, it should be censored? You're an idiot, Allen.

I will praise WikiLeaks, because this is America, I am an American, and praising WikiLeaks is constitutionally protected speech. A war criminal like Allen West will not deprive me of this right.

On the other hand, who's ever seen the pop-up media praise WikiLeaks? In fact, the dinosaur press has barely reported on the WikiLeaks documents at all. The Citizens United ruling means the media can now be bribed not to report it, and that's exactly what's happening.

This comes on the heels of Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee trying to solicit the murder of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange. Palin said Assange should be "hunted down" and killed. Tom Flanagan, a senior adviser to Canada's right-wing dictator Stephen Harper, said, "I think Assange should be assassinated actually."

Transparency and freedom of the press really scare the other side, don't they?


You're an aardvark... ('Sesame Street' Wednesday)

Are you an aardvark? Sure! Sure you are!

Anybody who's ever gotten detention in school knows about aardvarks. That's because 'aardvark' was always one of the first words in the dictionary you had to copy down.

Just because 'aardvark' is near the beginning of the dictionary, I learned at an early age how important aardvarks are. It's sort of like how I thought Alabama was a really big state because it's first in alphabetical order.

But seriously, aardvarks are vital to our fragile ecosystem. Aardvarks really are very beautiful and unique animals. They've got big, pointy ears and nice, long snouts.

'Sesame Street' did a live-action sketch about aardvarks in the '70s that portrays this great mammal as defiant in the face of all adversity:

The late Joe Raposo - the legendary 'Sesame Street' songwriter - sings on that sketch. (In addition to the 'Sesame Street' theme and many of the show's songs, Raposo also wrote the 'Three's Company' theme.)

A segment like this these days would probably depict the aardvark as meek and subservient instead of defiant and proud. Nowadays, the media has a fetish for teaching people not to fight back. Unlike in the '70s, we're now raising a generation of wimps.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

In most countries, people fight back

This is what needs to happen in America. Has to. If not, brace for another Lost Decade.

After Italy's right-wing dictator Silvio Berlusconi (pictured here) survived a no-confidence vote by Parliament, people didn't just uselessly stew about it in private. They took action.

Following the vote, Rome has seen some of the biggest public demonstrations in decades.

This is what the day after Election Day should have looked like in the good ol' U.S. and A. Not just in 2010 but also 2004, 2002, 2000, 1998, 1996, 1994, 1988...

I know you expect me to do it all by myself, but I'm only one man. The most I can do by myself is pee on an abandoned railroad track and run over a John Kasich campaign sign. There's strength in numbers, folks. You have to do your part too.

If the Tea Party authoritarians can get their 3 followers to show up at complain-a-thons at Goebel Park, think what our side can do. Here's a hint: A poll shows that 60% of Americans are dissatisfied with the recent "election" results. So we outnumber the teagaggers by at least 1½ to 1.


Monday, December 13, 2010

Such idiots

I knew the Republicans weren't too bright, and this only drives the point home more (though it's not as if the DLC is exactly Mensa material either).

After right-wing officials sued over the new health care law - citing the insurance mandate - a federal judge ruled today that the mandate is unconstitutional. Not the entire law - just that part of it.

See, the Republicans actually thought that suing over that part of the law would get the entire law struck down. They really are that dumb.

But nope. Instead the court struck down the only major provision that the Republicans had supported. (They favored the insurance mandate before it became part of this bill.) It's mighty hilarious that - by suing over the health care law - they accomplished the exact opposite of what they truly wanted.

Even better, doesn't this mean mandatory car insurance is unconstitutional now too? I sure as shit hope so, because auto insurance is as much of a rip-off as health insurance is. Like health insurance, it's another product that costs us so much but brings us next to nothing in return.

The fact that the only way they thought they could get the health care law struck down was to sue over the only part of it they had supported is proof they have absolutely nothing to go on to get the rest of it struck down.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Tim The Computer Programmer"

"My little program, my little program..." (Sung to the tune of "My Little Pony.")

Tim's a damn good FreeBASIC programmer. Naysayers laugh at any mention of BASIC or any derivative of it, but the BASIC family of programming languages can do wonders. I don't know Fortran or Cobol or any of those other newfangled languages that our economic gatekeepers expect you to know these days. But I'm quite fluent in BASIC.

So I wrote a little progie-wogie!

It's called LeftMaps Router, and I released the first version of it several months ago. I Make Money from it, don't ya know. However, it's free to download and use (since my revenues come from website ads, such a businessman I am).

LeftMaps Router maps out bicycling routes in much of the Cincinnati metropolitan region. Recently, I added complete terrain data, and my next release shall include updated road info. (Such as it were. The data I downloaded from the Census Bureau still thinks half of Pete Rose Way hasn't been torn down. Welcome to 1995, Census Bureau.)

Our latest 'LCQ' demonstrates how my program works:

Who ever thought BASIC would let you write such advanced programs?

LeftMaps Router can be downloaded here:

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Gag on a turd, Repubs

Republicans in Congress have just defeated a bill to award elderly Social Security recipients an extra $250 next year - after recipients were robbed of their cost-of-living increase 2 years in a row.

The GOP's excuse for defeating this bill? They said the country couldn't afford it.

It could afford a useless war and bailouts to big banks, but it can't afford this?

Congressional Republicans are hereby ordered to stand on the National Mall, disembowel themselves, and swallow their own intestines. They are to fucking do as I say, because I am paying their salaries.

'Sesame Street' has balls ('Sesame Street' Wednesday)

Plop Day is over for another year, but the memories will last a lifetime!

Plop Day - November 18 - is the anniversary of a lecture delivered by my high school principal back in 1988 regarding the toilets at school getting repeatedly clogged with objects like scissors and books. (Many of the cloggings were a protest against the outcome of the '88 election.) Coincidentally, World Toilet Day was later established as November 19.

But a segment on 'Sesame Street' that aired in the '70s may have foreshadowed Plop Day by many a year.

In this skit, 3 balls of different sizes try to fit into their proper slots. This teaches the proper way to clog a toilet. If an object is too small, it'll just flush right down. But if it's too big, that's no fun either, because it won't fit in the drain.

If you're gonna stop up a johnnypot, you need to go for the gusto by using an object that's of just the right size! And the ol' Ses will show ya how...

I don't think I've seen that segment since about 1976, but it's finally been revived for the whole wide world to ogle (beep)!

The biggest ball sounds like the low-pitched groans generated by trying to play a 78 RPM record at 33 RPM. The smallest ball sounds a bit like Boomhauer of 'King Of The Hill' babbling. It is believed by some that the smallest ball was voiced by Jim Boyd, who played Crank on 'The Electric Company' - but this has not been confirmed.

'Sesame Street' teaches many useful skills.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Friday, December 3, 2010

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Tuna Salad"

Our latest 'LCQ' episode shows the ingredients that go into making a mean tuna salad.

But the most important ingredient is a healthy dose of progressive populism, and this segment lives up to expectations. I also describe arguing with fascists on Facebook, as they display their complete ignorance of the Tenth Amendment.

The Tenth Amendment is supposed to safeguard state autonomy. Lately, right-wingers have been spluttering that this means the Tenth should keep a state's citizenry from benefiting from federal programs. But that's not what the Tenth means. The Tenth Amendment is actually supposed to keep the feds from running roughshod over individual liberties and rights. It has nothing to do with benefits programs.

So if a state legalizes marijuana, the federal government has no right to say it can't. Yet some right-wingers on Facebook - which is about the only place outside of Free Republic and Congress where people still support expanding the failed War on Drugs - insist that rogue federal drug war diktats reign supreme over the states.

Um, I thought conservatives we're supposed to be the ones who are for states' rights? Or is this yet another example of "states' rights for me, not for thee"?

Well, so right-wingers don't understand the Constitution. Or maybe they do but just don't care. So what else is new? In any event, here's the latest 'LCQ':

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Hooper's hangover ('Sesame Street' Wednesday)

That Mr. Hooper was one cool peep!

He was all business, that Mr. Looper was. But he ruled! So he's entitled - ENTITLED, dammit! - to get drunk every now and then.

In one segment back in 1976, Mr. Hooper seemed to oversleep one morning and ended up opening his store later than usual. He claimed it was because he was up too late studying for his GED:

Come on, Hoops! We know what really happened here. It's a hangover, obviously!

Mr. Hooper had it made by this point in his life. Why suffer the torture of going back to high school when you've got your golden years ahead of you? Mr. Hooper couldn't possibly be that much of a glutton for punishment, could he?

Nah. It's a hangover.

Lieberman the big bully

Is it too late for Al Gore to find a better running mate?

As the influence of WikiLeaks expands, Joe Lieberman now wants it shut down altogether. And he's bullying companies that host WikiLeaks into shutting it off. After Amazon apparently stopped hosting WikiLeaks, Lieberman has released a statement declaring in part: "I call on any other company or organization that is hosting Wikileaks to immediately terminate its relationship with them."

What's a matter, Joe? Can't stand the dinosaur media not getting all the glory? Tough shit.

Meanwhile, I'm still able to access WikiLeaks, so Lieberman's attempt at government censorship failed like everything else he does. What is it with you and failure, Joe?


Creationist theme park wants bailout

If your jaw hasn't hit the floor yet over some of the entries on this blog, I think the wait may finally be over.

A "young Earth" creationist museum in northern Kentucky founded by the right-wing Answers in Genesis cult has become a local laughingstock. (Then again, it's not in my county, so I can take comfort in the fact that it's other counties' turn to be embarrassed by elitist cults.)

Now Answers in Genesis is teaming up with Ark Encounters LLC - a for-profit firm - to build an 800-acre theme park. In doing so, Answers in Genesis may become the second AIG to get a government bailout: It may receive a $37,500,000 tax break from the state to build this park.

As a Kentuckian, that's my money. I'm paying sales and other taxes just to give Answers in Genesis a bailout?

The pretext for this handout is that the theme park will create jobs in a region that's been economically depressed for a quarter-century. I'm all for jobs. But doesn't giving taxpayer money to a creationist group violate the separation of church and state? Breaching the establishment clause in this manner is actually a form of cheap elitism.

An equally important point is that this cult is peddling its nonsense to children. I'd prefer not to have it in the area, even if it hires me as the theme park's CEO. You don't mess with our area's children - EVER!


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Kentucky meth labs reach record high

It's another record!

No, I don't mean the Scott Brown kind of record.

Kentucky is now reporting yet another record-breaking year for meth labs. In October alone, Kentucky cops found 111 labs - breaking the monthly record. This brings this year's total to 919, which already shatters the yearly record of 741 that was set last year.

This happened because of newer state and federal restrictions that punish law-abiding citizens who do something as simple as buy Sudafed. It didn't happen in spite of these restrictions. It happened because of them.

I knew this would happen when the restrictions were enacted. Nobody in power listened - because they just didn't care. Laws like this keep the drug warriors in business. In fact, drug agents are making meth themselves. If they got out of the illicit drug biz, America wouldn't have a major drug problem. Period.

Now that we know restrictions against the law-abiding don't work, the drug warriors want - you guessed it! - more restrictions. They've prefiled a bill in the Kentucky legislature that would make Sudafed a prescription drug - thus illegally overriding a federal law that makes it over-the-counter.

After WikiLeaks burst the dam of government cover-ups, I have absolutely zero faith in the Democrats, and I have even less in the Republicans. They'll spend an entire legislative session on shit like their Sudafed bill, but they won't lift a finger to help anybody. Health care reform? Minimum wage increase? Education reform? Civil liberties protections? With the current crop of criminals in our legislature, forget about it.

If the drug warriors want a war so badly, it's time we bring it home to our public squares. They started it, and it's going to be finished.


Fox runs made-up War on Christmas story

While WikiLeaks is reinventing journalism for the better, it still has to vie for influence against the dinosaur media's yellow journalism.

'Fox & Friends' has reported that a public school in central Florida has banned red and green from classroom decorations because they happen to be Christmas colors. Big problem with this story? It's a lie. It turns out that the story was made up out of whole cloth by right-wing agitators, and Fox News chose to run with it - knowing it was false.

Faux News did almost the exact same thing in 2005 when Bill O'Reilly falsely claimed that a Texas school had banned red and green. This has become pretty much a boilerplate story in the pop-up media.

The FCC used to take it very seriously when stations intentionally distorted the news. Read about the WLBT case sometime. (It was one of the first things we learned about when I took broadcasting in college.) I'd think that Fox lying about the news outright would certainly fall under the category of distortion.

Fox runs phony stories about schools banning decorations with Christmas colors, but it ignores real stories about public schools establishing unconstitutional uniform policies that punish kids for wearing almost any color.

The right-wing media is engaging in a War on the Holidays. To these malcontents, the season is about bringing horror to all.


Monday, November 29, 2010

Don't laugh at this Jester

I've been saying for weeks that everything is going to crash down for the Republicans, and now it is, thanks to the WikiLeaks story. As an added bonus, the Republicans are taking the DLC down with them.

But while WikiLeaks is exposing damning government documents, some individuals just can't handle it. Like the Jester, for instance. That's the self-awarded nickname of an anonymous hacker who has claimed responsibility for knocking WikiLeaks offline yesterday in retaliation for WikiLeaks lifting the curtain on the culture of corruption.

The Jester's reasoning for his own criminal behavior is that he claims WikiLeaks was "attempting to endanger the lives of our troops, 'other assets' & foreign relations." This excuse is just that: an excuse. And a flimsy, dishonest one. Lying about something like this is a perfect illustration of the Jester's authoritarian personality. This is exactly how Bush cultists talked during the last decade.

The Jester's totalitarianism can be more clearly defined when you contrast it against how more reasoned souls behave. When our side loses an election, we rally to rebuild our power. But when the Jester or other right-wingers lose - or even when they don't - they trash websites and throw fits.

While the WikiLeaks documents show that the government has been spying on important diplomats, how much surveillance do you think this Jester idiot has undergone?

We'll see how far the WikiLeaks story takes us over the next few weeks, and we'll decide whether we need to spend the time and resources to take up the slack to bring the other side to its knees. Either way, this isn't going to end well for the Evil Empire. If we can take down Pathway Family Center and 2 school administrators, and scare the Tea Party movement out of the county, think what we can do to an already discredited political party.

Then we'll see who has the last laugh.


Friday, November 26, 2010

Poll investigated for being too accurate

Sometimes, you can't write stupider fiction than the facts, folks.

In Minnesota's recent election for governor, polls reached a consensus that Democrat Mark Dayton was leading his nearest rival, right-wing Republican Tom Emmer, by 5 to 15 percentage points. But in the "official" results (which used to be called an election), Dayton won by less than 0.5%.

A Democrat winning at all made the media red with rage. Why, according to them, the Republicans are ENTITLED to win, dammit! They're Republicans, so it's their birthright, don't ya know.

In addition to suing to overturn the results, they're also demanding an investigation into pollsters.

It'd seem to me like when almost all the pollsters show somebody winning by 5 to 15%, but the election has him winning by only 0.5%, it's not the pollsters who are wrong. It's especially true in this case because Minnesota Republicans have a history of corrupt political bosses who rig elections, and because the pollsters were known to actually have a bias in favor of Republicans. Much of this is the cell phone effect: They underpolled households that have only a cell phone. (Cell phones used to be the province of the privileged, but now many poor households have ditched their landlines.) Plus, the polls are weighted to reflect past elections that the Republicans rigged. Furthermore, pollsters were hired by the media to build a narrative favoring the GOP.

That's 3 strikes right there that show the polls have a Republican tilt. You know Dayton actually would have won by a lot more than 5 to 15%, except the election was rigged.

In almost every other country, when something like this happens, the polls are used to show whether the election is honest. But in the upside-down world of modern American fascism, a rigged election is being used to show whether the pollsters were honest.

Now, right-wing Hitlers have demanded that Minnesota Public Radio and the University of Minnesota's Humphrey Institute investigate their own poll that showed Dayton leading by 12%. Naturally, MPR and the university are complying with these shrill demands without a fight.

They've announced an "independent" review of their poll by Gallup's Frank Newport. The once-respected Gallup may now be the most inaccurate poll of all, and Gallup may have been the only major pollster to show the Republicans doing significantly better in this cycle than they actually did.

They call that an "independent" audit?

Let's look at how silly this is: A pollster that's relatively accurate gets attacked by a losing party. So this pollster hires another pollster - which is laughably inaccurate - to review its numbers.

Calling this an "independent" review is like how they said Ken Starr was an "independent" prosecutor even though he had worked for Republican administrations.

It's actually yellow journalism, a manufactured story pumped up by right-wing extremists. And MPR and the University of Minnesota fell for it hook, line, and stinker. There's only one word for that, folks: stupid.

It gets sillier. Now the wingnutosphere is claiming that cell-only homes were underpolled in an effort to favor the Democrats - even though it's been proven that the cell phone effect actually makes polls appear more Republican.

Pollsters should be investigated - not for favoring Democrats but for favoring Republicans. Media outlets should be investigated for hiring them to produce these results. (Citizens United has enabled corporations to pay off the media for coverage favoring the GOP.)

And - just as urgently - elections should be investigated.

It's about to crash down regardless, and the sooner we get the ball rolling, the easier this will be.

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Casserole"

Casserole is a colossal culinary mystery.

It always seems like casserole consists of ingredients that are great on their own - but nobody likes them when they're together and prepared in casserole form.

In other words, what's the point of casserole?

It's like how those old books that taught foreign languages translated sentences like, "Beer is good to drink. Coffee is good to drink. Beer mixed with coffee is not good to drink." Many of you adore both beer and coffee, but do you really want them mixed together?

I don't get you, casserole.

To celebrate Thanksgiving weekend, our latest 'Lawn Chair Quarterback' episode explores this phenomenon:

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

DeLay convicted of money laundering and conspiracy

Remember Tom DeLay?

DeLay is a fascist who was a leader in congressional Republicans' still-ongoing culture of corruption - before he was forced out of office in disgrace.

After DeLay was prosecuted for his corruption, Republicans moaned that it was all a political witch hunt. But today, DeLay was finally found guilty of money laundering and conspiracy for illegally funneling $190,000 in corporate campaign donations to GOP candidates for the Texas legislature.

In addition to fines, DeLay faces 5 to 99 years for the money laundering conviction and 2 to 20 years for conspiracy. He better serve at least some time. Prison isn't supposed to be just for the little people, you know.

Tom DeLay is a piece of shit who personifies political arrogance and abuse of power. He considers himself a messenger of God whose duty is to make life a hell on earth for anybody who crosses him.

I sincerely hope prison is a hell on earth for him. If he gets his ass kicked every single day that he's behind bars, he will have deserved every bit of it.

I hate you, Tom DeLay. Go pour milk on your ulcer.

Big Bird goes Roads Scholaring ('Sesame Street' Wednesday)

In case you're still not looking fiveward to stuffing, basting, and tasting that juicy bird tomorrow, we're going to get you in the mood by featuring a 'Sesame Street' segment that includes everybody's favorite flightless avian: Sharron Angle! Just joking!

Actually, this skit features your ol' pal Big Bird explaining the diff betwixt sidewalks and streets. The Birdmeister raves almost drunkenly about this important distinction:

I remember seeing that sketch sometime around 1978. It was cool. That's because Big Bird is cool. And funny.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Local Tea Party founder loses election

It took a couple weeks to count all the votes, but now it's final: In suburban Cincinnati, a Republican candidate for Ohio House who was the founder of the Cincinnati area Tea Party lost to a Democrat. (The GOP candidate is the same guy who falsely accused me of deleting his comments here.)

If the Tea Parties are that toxic in the Cincinnati suburbs, they couldn't have possibly helped Republicans elsewhere - despite what it seems. (Also, a heavily hyped Tea Party referendum lost handily in Campbell County.) Clearly, the Tea Party label hurt when voters actually identified a candidate as a teabagger.

Of course, during the vote count in that Ohio House election, the Republicans tried to throw out votes from the district's few predominantly African-American precincts.

Meanwhile, central cities defy the Republicans' Citizens United-fueled gains elsewhere. The cities are certainly more self-sufficient than the outer suburbs, for it's the suburbs where more folks feel like they need to be told how to vote by the Tea Parties, talk radio, and conservative websites like Facebook.

These days, America's pioneers are in the cities!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Happy World Toilet Day!"

Today isn't just a city holiday.

It isn't just a township holiday.

It isn't just a county holiday.

It isn't just a state holiday.

It isn't just a national holiday.

Why, it's a world holiday! It's...WORLD TOILET DAY! November 19 of each year has been established as World Toilet Day. Coincidentally, this follows Plop Day, which had already been established as November 18.

And 'Lawn Chair Quarterback' is in a toilety mood as it should be! In our latest 'LCQ' episode, we celebrate this important feast, explain its true meaning, and fill the world with toilety cheer:

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Irony of the decade: Mad Dog Bush gets Presidential Medal of Freedom

No, I'm not making this up.

The elder Bush will receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom - America's highest civilian honor - at a ceremony early next year.


The Bush regime locked me up without a trial for 4 months when I was 17 because of my political views, and he gets a freedom medal?

I guess expecting not to be imprisoned without due process isn't "freedomy freedom." In Mad Dog's world, "freedom" meant allowing workers to be underpaid, and supporting foreign dictatorships.

Hey, if America is going to normalize fascism, why not go all out? Why doesn't Congress just repaint the Liberty Bell to look like that teacup that's on all the local Tea Party signs? (I'm talking about the signs displayed by all 3 Tea Party followers in Cincinnati.)

I take it very seriously when people who violated my rights are given awards for freedom. We're supposed to be at war against the extreme right - not encouraging them.

Prosecutor refuses to go after abusive principal

I think it's time to resort to Second Amendment remedies when we see stories like this.

In Shelby County, Indiana, an elementary school principal was caught on video brutalizing an 8-year-old student. She grabbed the boy by his shirt, violently shook him, pushed him into a school bus seat, and slapped him across the leg.

Then - get this - a local prosecutor refused to pursue charges against the principal. The bullshit excuse was that it's apparently legal for schools to batter kids in Indiana.

This story is so outrageous that it pretty much stands on its own outrage and doesn't need much additional commentary.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I solved the deficit!

Well, folks, it just took me only 5 minutes to do what no Republican administration has done in decades.

The New York Times has a fun little puzzle on its website that lets you balance the federal budget! And I finished this puzz within minutes:

Using that puzzle, I quickly solved America's budget deficit. In fact, I raised over 80% more money than is needed to erase the deficit by 2015. And a majority of it wasn't even from tax increases! And most of the tax increases I did support were on corporations, not people.

In eliminating the deficit, I proposed NO national sales tax and NO increase in the Social Security age or Medicare age.

If fiscal conservatives are about having the government live within its means, I'd be the most conservative blogger around, judging by this puzzle. It's sort of like how conservatives claim to be for less government, yet they support expanding the War on Drugs, while I support ending this failed endeavor.

Kermit invents voting machine ('Sesame Street' Wednesday)

I've profiled this segment before, but I think it might be necessary after every election.

In a 'Sesame Street' sketch from 1969, Kermit the Frog showed off his "what happens next" machine. It's a device on which every single thing goes wrong.

It seems to work about as well as voting machines these days do:

What happens next? How about repealing Citizens United?

Arizona lawmakers' death panels

Death panels? Republican legislators in Arizona have now created just that.

The GOP-led Arizona legislature has just decreed that almost 100 low-income patients who need organ transplants just to live (and who had already been approved for the transplants) now won't be getting them. Lawmakers slashed the money for these procedures from the state budget.

Clearly, legislators don't know what necessary means. These transplants were necessary. Without them, the patients die.

Arizona has money for bailouts of rich private schools, so I'm sure it can come up with money for organ transplants for the working poor. For lawmakers to say they couldn't come up with the money for the transplants is a filthy lie. A filthy lie from filthy legislators.

What about the rich who need transplants? They can already pay for theirs. The poor cannot. Arizona is deciding who lives just because of their economic class.

Arizona lawmakers need to be put on trial for crimes against humanity.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Public school expels lesbians

Oh, the stupid. It burns.

After this story, I don't care to hear another peep from right-wing commenters accusing me of bigotry after I call them out for their own bullshit prejudices. But this story is about not only bigotry but also cheap elitism.

At Del City High School - a public school in Del City, Oklahoma - a student was expelled because she is a lesbian.

No, I'm not making this up.

Her girlfriend had previously quit school but had tried to return. However, the school wouldn't allow her to come back, because of her sexual orientation. It turns out that the school also tried pressuring an earlier student into dropping out for the same reason.

The school district's defense? The school system issued a statement saying, "It is the policy of the Mid-Del Public School District not to discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or age in its programs, services, and activities." They're using their antidiscrimination policy to defend discrimination? Seriously???

I heard a rumor about 15 years ago that a public school in my area expelled students if they got pregnant. If this was true, then I'm almost SURE it was the only public school in America with such a policy in my lifetime. Del City's expulsion of lesbians is sort of like that, and it's just as illegal.

The school's philosophy is that it thinks its own views should take priority over everybody else's - just because the school is so big and powerful and all. That's elitism.


Monday, November 15, 2010

Teabagger cops fired over infractions

Never hire Tea Party cultists for any occupation. (If you read this blog, you're probably not in charge of hiring and firing, but the point stands.) This story proves teabaggers can't even do their jobs right. They're worse than Grover of 'Sesame Street' at his waiter job.

Be content to just let teabaggers keep their jobs of being professional operatives who travel around the country to participate in stupid right-wing rallies.

In West Tawakoni, Texas, a police chief and sergeant who happen to be Tea Party activists are being fired because of a series of major infractions. The chief allegedly misused city vehicles, screamed at another city employee in front of other people, lied to federal agents during an investigation, and drove drunk. The sergeant was fired for - among other things - allegedly performing sloppy police work such as not properly keeping evidence.

Of course, local teabaggers are saying the cops were fired because of their Tea Party involvement. But that's a lie. Still, they've contacted every media outlet in their Rolodex, and the media has been happy to soothe their delusions. Now they're trying to have the mayor fired because he fired the chief and sergeant. I guess the Lipton Losers have never heard of elections.

The teagaggers have a revisionist narrative. They deliberately set themselves up for trouble so the media has a story to tell that makes them look like victims. It's a form of yellow journalism.

I for one am sick of sorryasses like these being in power, abusing the power they have, and crying about what "victims" they are when they get caught. They're like the bully in school who tattles when somebody fights back.

The irony here is that the Tea Party liars falsely claim the cops were fired because of their Tea Party involvement - even though people all over the country have been promoted precisely because of involvement in Tea Parties or other right-wing causes. America has a spoils system that rewards right-wing politics and blacklists dissidents from employment.

So shut your damn mouths, teagaggers.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Let's Moon Mitch McConnell!"

Mitch McConnell. A weird one indeed.

How did Kentucky manage to elect this right-wing clod to the Senate - for 5 terms, no less?

I'll never forget the time McConnell sent me a letter purportedly replying to one I sent him about John Ashcroft's nomination. Problem with this was that I had never sent McConnell a letter, because I knew he doesn't give a shit. What do you think McConnell is? A senator?

This proves McConnell or some other Senate big shot was keeping a list of dissidents' addresses and mailed me by mistake. This wasn't much of a surprise to me, because I already knew what the Republican police state was all about, thanks to the teen confinement struggle and the bogus "trespassing" arrest. They're thugs through and through.

I know you've always wanted to moon ol' Mitch the Glitch. One hundred percent of people who have ever lived have had this lifelong aspiration.

Now 'Lawn Chair Quarterback' finally gives you this once-in-a-lifetime chance!

So drop your drawers and moon Mitch! Not Mitch Miller, not Mitch Malloy, but Mitch McConnell!

Corruptus in extremis

I've noticed something funny about American politics lately. Not ha-ha funny but weird funny.

The American public seems to have a much, much higher tolerance for corruption among public officials than they used to.

Seriously, the stuff politicians - particularly Republicans - get away with now would have done them in at the polls 25 years ago. Granted, the public has a lot less tolerance for Eliot Spitzer-style scandals - if the offender is not a Republican. But they have a lot more tolerance for actual political corruption and major lawbreaking.

Yes, the media has made corruption "cool."

There's general agreement that Bush was by far the most corrupt administration in American history. But where's the indictments? Even some of Reagan's officials had the boom lowered on them. But anybody connected with the Bush regime seems off-limits to prosecutors.

How is it that a war criminal who was forced out of the Army just got "elected" to Congress, and Congress actually seats him? How is it that a corporate crook just got "elected" governor of one of America's biggest states?

Serious lawbreaking by politicians is outrageous regardless of the offender's party. The Republicans are by far the worst offenders though, and are above media scrutiny. I think this weak coverage actually teaches voters to believe the culture of corruption isn't as bad as it really is.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Pelosi blasts Cat Food Commission

The Cat Food Commission has just come out with its long-feared recommendations. The basic thrust of these recommendations is this: The committee urges lawmakers to slash Social Security and completely defund public broadcasting in order to give big corporations a massive tax cut. I call it the "killing Big Bird for bailouts" plan.

But Nancy Pelosi has finally opted to grow a backbone.

A statement from Pelosi declares in part, "This proposal is simply unacceptable."

Finally! If Pelosi had showed this sort of uncompromising attitude back in 2007 - which is what the Democrats have a voter mandate to do - we'd all be in much better shape now. Maybe she's finally figuring out that you can't compromise with crazy.

A little too late, I know. But if the Democrats had this much gumption when dealing with Citizens United, Pelosi would still be Speaker for the next 2 years.

According to rumor, Congress was supposed to adopt the Cat Food Commission's recommendations regardless of what they are. Funny, I can't find the law that says this. Hopefully, the Democrats will stand firm by not adopting them.

Because if they do adopt them, the party might as well just go out of business.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

GOP tries cutting nonexistent jobs program

The Republicans are so blinded by their own meanness and bad intentions that they don't even know which government programs still exist and which ones don't.

They attack welfare recipients for not finding jobs, but now they want to abolish a program that provided jobs for people on welfare. Problem is, this program doesn't exist anymore.

The Republican Study Committee - led by fascist Rep. Tom Price (R-Georgia) - is recommending abolishing a fund created by the 2009 stimulus package that financed hundreds of thousands jobs for welfare recipients. These jobs were immediately filled because America's poor were so desperate to fill them.

But this was only a temporary program. It has already expired, and so have the jobs it created.

In other words, the Republicans are fighting a program that doesn't even exist! GOP leaders are that delusional that they see programs that aren't really there.

What's next? Are they going to abolish AFDC again?

What's sad is that the Republicans are actually going to use cutting a nonexistent program as "proof" of their fiscal restraint.


When celebrities endorse child abuse

Where's the radio blacklist over this?

We all remember when the Dixie Chicks were blackballed by the scuzzy radio industry because they disagreed with Bush. But now Pink has endorsed child abuse, and I don't know of a single station that has dropped her because of it.

Pink recently declared in an interview, "I think parents need to beat the crap out of their kids."

Pink's words, not mine.

So child abuse is "cool" now according to the media?

Imagine if you can the media outcry that would have resulted if Pink had said, "I think kids who are harassed at school need to beat the crap out of the kids who harass them." That would likely be the end of her career. You'd see Jack Thompson (the disbarred Florida lawyer) picketing every station that dared to keep playing her.

I am absolutely astounded that Pink's endorsement of child abuse has buzzed under the radar with no criticism. But why should I be surprised? Child abuse has been normalized by the media and self-righteous right-wing activists. "Values voters" (the teabaggers of the 2000s) was often simply shorthand for beating kids. That movement gave cover to celebrities and anybody else to make outrageous proclamations like that of Pink and not be called out on it.

Instead of receiving the criticism she deserves, Pink instead joins Metallica on the list of recording artists who receive more positive media exposure following their idiotic statements or actions. In Metallica's case, however, it was because the band tried having the original version of Napster shut down.

Taliban Dan was the meanest man I ever knew... ('Sesame Street' Wednesday)

Congratulations to 'Sesame Street' for its 41st birthday. We can all take comfort in the fact that - unlike in the mid-'90s - there's a Senate to stop the House's upcoming war against public broadcasting.

Back in the mid-'70s, Johnny Cash appeared on the ol' Ses and sang a song that foreshadowed the eventual rise of Taliban Dan Webster:

That song could easily be about Taliban Dan Webster, couldn't it? Taliban Dan is a nasty man, after all. The line about how he'd "try real good to make things go wrong" is particularly fitting.

Oscar the Grouch is quite impressed by ol' Dan though.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Texas lawmakers want to abolish Medicaid

Man, it's a mean world out there in Teabaggia.

The land barons are gonna show us poor people who's boss, and if that means abolishing Medicaid, then by golly, that's what they're gonna do.

Republican legislators in Texas now plan to pull their state out of the popular Medicaid and CHIP. In other words, a state wants to bar its citizenry from benefiting from a federal program.

Sometimes when lawmakers slash spending, they can honestly claim that it was because there was no money in the budget for it. In this case, however, Medicaid and CHIP are being threatened because of sheer meanness - not because abolishing it will save money. In fact, it won't save money - because who gets stuck with the bills when patients who can't pay end up having to go the emergency room because they can't see any other doctor?

Besides, Texas (or any other state) doesn't even have the legal option to pull out of Medicaid or CHIP! These are federal programs, and the American public is legally entitled to their benefits. They paid for it, after all.

I work hard and live on a very low income, and Medicaid recently saved my life. The political barons know Medicaid saves lives - but they don't care. America used to have standards. Until less than 20 years ago, teabagger tirades were largely confined to isolated circles of crybabies who would soothe among themselves their own delusions of privilege. But in recent years, character has become a dirty word.

Denying Medicaid to an entire state (with nothing to replace it) is murder by proxy.

Right-wing lawmakers try to play God, but they are whiners with no ideas or solutions - just arrogant appeals to entitlement. But they don't know just how badly it's about to crash down for them like it did for Pathway Family Center.

And that will be a day full of laughs.


Lipton Lugnuts channel Taliban

After last Tuesday's Tea Party jailbreak, it took less than 24 hours for the movement's leaders to shift from economic engineering to social engineering.

They spent 2 years claiming (falsely) to be for limited government, but Tea Party cofounder Mark Meckler now says not so fast. At a press conference last week, Meckler said Tea Party followers in Congress now "need to lift up conservative culture, family values, and wholesome things by supporting conservative musicians, writers, artists, and producers."

In just a day, the Tea Parties went from attacking government to praising it as an arbiter of political thought by demanding a bailout for right-wing writers and artists.

The Tea Parties are a movement of snobs. Their values don't prevail in the marketplace of ideas, so they have to fleece the taxpayers to prop them up. Similarly, their values don't prevail at the polls anymore unless they get the Citizens United ruling to flood their campaigns with foreign corporate dough.

Call it wingnut welfare, if you will. They claim to be for the "free market", but they demand bailouts like this that would seem to defy market principles.

All this of course is funded by taxation without representation. Impoverished inner cities are paying disproportionately high taxes to fund a movement by rich exurbs - while the cities are badly underrepresented in Congress.

My message for urbanites from Bellevue to Boston is: I live in the city, and you do too. And you have brains. Take back what is rightfully yours. Don't let the teabaggers live off your tax dollars. If you have to stand up for yourself when somebody's giving you a hard time, so be it. America is yours, and don't let the exurban property barons decide what goes on in your town.

Join me in fighting back and in taking back what belongs to the cities.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

More careers I'm proud to have ruined

Our successful attempt to close the fascist Pathway Family Center has been the high water mark of our efforts - so far. But it overshadowed another apparent success story that should give the Republicans pause before they raise the price of poker.

It appears - by all available evidence - that I got a local school principal fired not long ago by exposing his abuse. I had attended his school earlier, and he was arrogant, incompetent, dishonest, and controlling. He was positively one of the worst human beings who I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with in person.

Official reports say he merely retired, but I strongly suspect this was a forced retirement. Much of my book 'The Fight That Never Ends' was devoted to his antics, and your career doesn't survive something like that when there's enough people around to corroborate what's in the book.

When this apparent firing occurred, it dawned on me that I may have done the same to another abusive school administrator. I had thought he voluntarily retired, but then I started having my doubts - especially because he wasn't even old enough to retire.

Both of these men will someday die in obscurity - while a record of their abuse lives on.

This proves one thing: When E.F. Bandit talks, people listen. If you're not from this area, you don't know the extent of it. But Pathway Family Center knows, and they're not laughing right now.

The takedown of PFC and these 2 school administrators is a perfect illustration of this maxim that has been attributed to Mohandas Gandhi: First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

The right to govern rests only with those who respect constitutional liberties. To deny it is to deny nature.

PFC is R.I.P., but what about the GOP?

Anybody else here remember Pathway Family Center?

PFC was a teen "rehab" cult that I became familiar with in 2007 when I was invited to a roadside protest against its Cincinnati area location. PFC also had 3 other locations - in Indiana and Michigan.

Within about 10 months, we had driven PFC out of Cincinnati. Within another 10 months, we had shut down the rest of its locations too.

A powerful, very wealthy cult that recruited in school districts all over the Midwest and received bailout after bailout from corporations and state and local governments was completely vanquished because a handful of us put pressure on it.

And remember what I did when the Tea Party assholes came to town? I don't mean the Wilder rally a year ago that these spineless cowards ducked out of because I threatened to show up. I'm talking about the Covington event this past April - where I heckled their "silent" march that blocked traffic on 4th Street. (When I heckled them, they started chanting, "Someone said the word." Some "silent" march.) The Tea Parties haven't been back to the immediate area since.

We defeated PFC and scared away the Tea Parties because we are the forces of good, and they are the forces of evil. We have nature and science behind us. That Pathway is gone is nature's way of saying what's intended and what isn't. As a teen confinement center, PFC's demise proves that science intends for our young people to receive loving guidance, not abuse.

Those on the extreme right who fight us are fighting a higher power. We are naturally endowed with the duty to bring sheer horror to those whose goal is to intentionally make things go wrong.

I've learned over the years to be prepared for the worst when dealing with assholes like this. But I never even imagined - not by a longshot - that what happened Tuesday would happen. When Citizens United enabled corporations to buy elections, I didn't know that meant they could pay off election officials too. After my rights were violated in my youth, I take my right to vote and to be represented too seriously to have it stolen.

Tea Party whack-a-doodles nationally think they're smarter than the Pathway fraudsters. They hoisted high the flag of entitlement, and it appeared to pay off for them in the end.

Luckily, I'm better prepared than I thought I was - and this time, they stepped in it. (Incidentally, a Tea Party referendum was rejected by Campbell County voters. Draw any conclusion you want from that.) It's boiling over.

For starts, there's a little thing called Wikipedia. I'm making sure the truth is told there.

Also, I'm prepared to guarantee you that I can make the Green Party the dominant party in an entire Cincinnati neighborhood. Not just a subdivision, but a neighborhood - as defined by the city. In doing so, I can make the other parties small enough to drown in the toilet.

I can probably do that just in the course of this week. The only thing preventing that is that I'm not about to legally change my place of residence.

Last night, it dawned on me that I've got a much easier hand to play than the aforementioned efforts. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but suffice it to say, they've walked right into this one. Still, I'm under no illusions that this will be easy either. But I'm willing to stand up and take the abuse I'm about to take in order to make sure the other side gets what's coming and safeguard my rights in the long run. I'm not stupid, and if I'm careful, I can knock a major cavity that won't soon be forgotten into the careers of some people in very high places. I have a brain, and I'm going to use it.

If anybody wants to physically fight me, they can enjoy a brick hitting them in the head. I am not afraid to die for the cause. If I die, I die a martyr.

PFC may be R.I.P., but if the GOP doesn't join them in the grave, the U.S.A. may be S.O.L., so let's give them a K.O. in the OT.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Election coverage looms

Tonight, this blog might be able to offer some of the most detailed election coverage that it's had in its history. That's assuming I can avoid browser lock this year. I don't expect to see any results until 7 PM though.

The major indicator of what tonight will be like comes from the fact that Democratic areas nationwide have seen unusually high turnout. So if the Republicans retake Congress, somebody (not the Democrats) is going to have a lot of explaining to do. Not like I expect the pop-up media to try to get answers.

I'm warning you in advance that I may have to disable commenting here because of the spam that's likely in store. Some individuals seem to have these 2 bodily functions as their only activities:

1) Whining (when they lose).

2) Gloating (when they win).

Frankly, nobody who reads this blog wants to wallow in a right-wing complain-a-thon when they can get that plenty of other places. This blog is one of my main sources of income, and I can't afford to have people scared away.

I also want to minimize spam from people who think they know everything about politics but don't. I don't care for my blog to be flooded with 70 comments a minute saying obvious things like, "omg lisa murkowski losed tennessee!"

Every time I've had to disable commenting, somebody always later attacks this policy as "communist." Nope, it isn't "communist." It's business. And it's my blog, and if I want it clear of spam and right-wing grumbling, that's my choice.

In any event, I don't expect to have time to do anything tonight except look at election returns. That's part of my job.

So may the worst candidate lose! (Ooh, a curse!)

Important: we're headin' into the homestretch!

As Casey Kasem might say: We're headin' into the homestretch! The election is today, people.

In all honesty, I can't wait for the election to be over, simply because the Republicans have become so over-the-top idiotic that it strains belief that nobody has issued the knockout punch that the GOP so richly deserves. This shit gets old.

There's still a few questions as to exactly how the long-soiled Republican brand will fare today. But based on raw logic instead of polls, the fact that the GOP has so many weird candidates this time should keep the party at bay. I'm skeptical of pollsters' likely voter screens because they're hired by media outlets that have a narrative to tell. The fact that most pollsters won't release any details of what they think a likely voter is tells me a lot - A LOT - about what may go down today, and I don't think it's looking grand for Republicans.

The fact that a Newsweek poll shows Democrats with a 10% lead in House races nationally among folks who've already voted tells me more than I need to know on that front. I truly believe that other pollsters are in cahoots with a media that is purchased and paid for by corporations who (following Citizens United) no longer have to disclose campaign expenditures and are paying the media for positive coverage for Republicans. There's just no other explanation.

Plus, everybody I know - and I mean everybody - says they're voting Democratic. The Republicans haven't gained any new support since the last midterm. So I stand by my prediction: 56-44 and 233-202.

If the GOP wins back Congress, that means the election is rigged. Period. End of story. The Republicans have a history of election fraud.

But if they knew what I know, I don't think they'd want to push their luck this time. If you think I'm bluffing, ask Pathway Family Center what I did to them.

The $64,000,000,000,000 question that I know you've had lately is: What's the future of this blog if the Evil Empire raises the price of poker? Simply put, they don't get to decide what the law here is, and I actually have a very good track record at stating my case. When put up against them, I am the law, as far as I'm concerned.

But in the 17 years since I started The Last Word, I've learned that if I want something done, I have to do it myself. Talk doesn't cut it. You have to take action. I think there's going to be a bit of litigation coming up, depending on what happens today.

Society must be built on the consent of the governed. The right to govern is held only by representatives of the people. This right is naturally ordained. Those who would impose their own doctrinaire funhouse mirror view of the law are fighting nature and fighting the public. It is the duty of all of us to hold the Evil Empire accountable.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Phonegate '10!

In 2002, Republicans in New Hampshire rigged the election by disrupting Democrats' get-out-the-vote efforts by jamming party offices' phone lines with hang-up phone calls.

Now they're doing almost the exact same thing: At 11 Democratic party offices all over New Hampshire, phone service has been mysteriously lost for the past 5 hours.

Didn't the Republicans learn shit from being prosecuted for what they did in 2002? Of course not. After all, I don't think a single one of the Republicans who was convicted for that was punished, because some beezobozz Republican judge threw out their convictions.


Election protection!

Here's a website where you can report whatever troubles or anything suspicious you might encounter at the polls:

Or you can call 1-866-OUR-VOTE.

Other websites have had county-by-county breakdowns of voter suppression in past years. Unfortunately, the media never followed up on these incidents (surprise, surprise).

Incidentally, the abominable Katie Stine has long had a habit of placing "challengers" in polling places to intimidate voters. If that happens to me, the "challengers" get clocked. End of story.

ABC's new hatchet man caught making bogus recording

Here's another good reason not to trust the media gasbags' narrative about tomorrow's election: ABC has hired discredited right-wing propagandist Andrew Breitbart (who seems to be the personal babysitter of anti-ACORN fraudster James O'Keefe) as its election analyst.

That alone is prima facie evidence that the media is actively trying to build a narrative about the election results. I find it interesting that this narrative gained height right after the Citizens United ruling. (Translation: I think this bias is a payoff.)

Make no mistake: ABC now stands for Andrew Breitbart Channel.

Now Breitbart has released an audio clip that he claims is of reporters at KTVA-TV, the CBS affiliate in Anchorage, Alaska, conspiring to destroy right-wing Senate candidate Joe Miller. But now this clip has been unmasked as bogus.

The audio is of the reporters, but their conversation was edited by Breitbart - after they were secretly recorded by Miller's campaign manager.

In other words, ABC hired an analyst who helps a political campaign with its dirty work by deceptively editing phone conversations.

Well, folks, this is one of the networks that's paying for all these polls - which bear no resemblance to any public sentiment you see in real life. (Honestly, do you actually see any NEW support for Republicans on the ground?)

Breitbart's clip being exposed as deception doesn't deter the Far Rightists. Now they want a criminal investigation of KTVA.

Meanwhile, after bloggers called out ABC for its right-wing bias that was evident when it hired Breitbart, ABC now says Breitbart won't appear on screen. Upon hearing this news, Breitbart has now lashed out at ABC and has tried to make himself out as some great free speech martyr.


Sunday, October 31, 2010

John Roberts may face impeachment

Please! Tell me this isn't a dream!

Rep. Peter DeFazio - an Oregon Democrat who is cruising to reelection - is investigating possible impeachment of Chief Justice John Roberts.

The impetus for this impeachment drive is Roberts's vote on the fascist Citizens United ruling. During his confirmation hearings, Roberts pledged he would not practice judicial activism. He lied. And this perjury is the basis of DeFazio's probe.

In the likely event that the Democrats retain the House, I'd love to see what excuses the DLC will come up with not to impeach Roberts. Will it be the same excuses they used not to impeach Bush, even after the Democrats promised to do so?

Plus, there's a difference between impeachment and removal. The almost certainly insurmountable part of this effort would be getting the Senate to remove Roberts. But that doesn't change the facts of the case: Roberts committed perjury and is violating his oath of office by intentionally legislating from the bench.

It also doesn't change the fact that Roberts was appointed by a rogue regime. Because Bush stole the election twice, Roberts's appointment should be declared null and void.


Taliban Dan thug assaults dissenter

In Orlando, Taliban Dan Webster is the Republican challenger against incumbent Democratic congressman Alan Grayson. Grayson is a generally effective lawmaker but is one of the most electorally vulnerable incumbents, because the media hates his guts.

Now Taliban Dan has taken a page from the playbook of Rand "Stompy" Paul.

A man showed up at a Taliban Dan rally displaying a Grayson sign. When Taliban Dan began speaking, Republican big shot Bruce O'Donoghue promptly jumped off the stage and physically attacked Grayson's supporter. O'Donoghue crumpled the Grayson sign and appeared to be trying to take a swing at the man.

Once again, this assault was caught on video (so the teabaggers can't lie about it like they do about everything else):

If O'Donoghue assaulted me like that, I would have broken his fucking jaw.

Ironically, Taliban Dan was speaking of how "positive" his campaign is while this altercation was going on.

Why are establishment candidates like Taliban Dan and Ku Klux Rand even serious contenders? That's because this really isn't even an election. It's an auction. The Citizens United ruling dumped gabillions of corporate dollars (much of it from foreign corporations or even dictatorships) into right-wing campaigns.

(Also, does anybody else think Taliban Dan looks sort of like Newt Gingrich?)

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Op-ed exposes private school "civility gap"

A brief but interesting opinion piece by Charles Blow of the New York Times was published yesterday:

Blow's article discusses the "civility gap" that plagues private schools - which is the same thing I've been trying to tell people about for the past 20 years, but nobody would listen.

Blow says private school students "are literally the chosen ones" and that "this sort of thinking has a way of weaving itself into the fibers of a family and into the thinking of the children." In other words, it's a sense of entitlement and privilege.

I noticed this too back in my day, but everybody had such thick skulls that they wouldn't believe me when I said bullying and classism were worse in private schools. When I was forced to attend a suburban private high school, some of my schoolmates were the offspring of people who pretty much ran the community - and by golly, they were going to make sure I knew who was "better." They were the Tea Party movement before the Tea Party movement was "cool."

Maybe this article will finally bring more daylight to one of the most ignored phenomena in America today: the "civility gap."

Prediction: 56-44 and 233-202

This is the first election cycle in which I have the resources to make an educated prediction of what the partisan breakdown of Congress will be after the election. That Internet is powerful stuff, you understand.

I am predicting - with fairly good accuracy - that the Senate will end up with 56 Democrats (counting 2 independents who caucus with the Democrats) and 44 Republicans. I'm also predicting that the House will end up with 233 Democrats and 202 Republicans. That's give or take a few, of course, but I don't think it's far off at all.

Early voting has been more Democratic than it was in 2006 (the previous midterm), a year that also ended up with the GOP trailing 233 to 202. Checking individual races, I think that's a realistic guess for 2010. This guess may actually be just a tad generous to the Republicans - because EVERY FUCKING PERSON who I meet is voting Democratic. Also, if early voting is any indication, the feared enthusiasm gap is nearly vanquished.

Anybody who hoped the Republicans would suddenly lurch back to life this year after they lost last time and subsequently out-crazied themselves is in for some serious egg on their face. The math just doesn't add up for them retaking Congress. In earlier years, I was sweating bullets at this point, but this time I'm pretty confident. I've checked polls for every district in which polls have been released, and frankly, the GOP is out of luck.

I hate to do it but...

I have no choice but to vote for a Republican (an incumbent, no less) in one race this year. No, seriously.

I am forced to vote Republican for Campbell County Judge-Executive - because the Democrat is endorsed by the Northern Kentucky Tea Party.

That's what the local Democratic Party has come down to - namely, accepting support from a fascist movement like the Tea Parties. This election features a conservative Republican being challenged by a so-called Democrat running even further to the right.

If the Democrat's Tea Party support had been exposed earlier by the media, I would have run as a Green. But the local media doesn't do its job any better than the Campbell County Democratic Party does.

What's astonishing is that anybody in Campbell County would even want a Tea Party endorsement, because the Tea Parties are pretty much considered a joke here. You should see some of the comments people have posted on local news websites about what passes for Campbell County's Tea Party movement.

Unfortunately, however, Campbell County still doesn't have a two-party system, when you've got Democrats trying to out-crazy the Republicans. If you support the Tea Parties, forget my vote. And I guarantee my endorsement carries more weight in Campbell County than the Tea Parties' do, judging by the fact that the Lipton Losers canceled a rally all because I threatened to show up and humiliate them.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Laughing Gas"

On Tuesday, I had several teeth pulled. To accomplish this, the surgeon's crew provided laughing gas - also known as nitrous oxide.

Laughing gas is called laughing gas because it makes people laugh. But it's not a toy, and you shouldn't be playing around with it. I once read that laughing gas was discovered by accident by some scientist who inhaled it and noticed that he became unusually jolly as a result. He probably started laughing every time somebody mentioned 'Sesame Street', because after all, 'Sesame Street' is funny.

When I was being given the laughing gas, I did indeed start laughing. I began thinking about Republicans losing elections, which made me laugh. So I had those teeth pulled with a smile on my face!

If the GOP does indeed lose this coming Tuesday, I will laugh even more than I did when I got the laughing gas. It couldn't happen to a more deserving party.

In the meantime, our latest 'LCQ' episode talks about laughing gas and its use in dentistry:

Right-wing school board member wants gays to commit suicide

Some smartass keeps calling me a bigot in the comment section of this blog because I called him out on the fact that he supports politicians who hate gays. It's the right-wingers' latest strategy: Call somebody a bigot because they call out a conservative for their bigotry. (Kind of like when the Tea Party thought police called their critics racist for pointing out the Tea Parties' racism.)

Naturally, he hasn't condemned the moron in this story.

In the Midland school district in Arkansas, right-wing school board member Clint McCance declared on Facebook that gay students should commit suicide. McCance's post reads:

"Seriously they want me to wear purple because five queers killed themselves. The only way im wearin it for them is if they all commit suicide. I cant believe the people of this world have gotten this stupid. We are honoring the fact that they sinned and killed thereselves [sic] because of their sin. REALLY PEOPLE."

Later, when somebody challenged McCance's remark, McCance replied:

"No because being a fag doesn't give you the right to ruin the rest of our lives. If you get easily offended by being called a fag then dont tell anyone you are a fag. Keep that shit to yourself. I dont care how people decide to live their lives. They dont bother me if they keep it to thereselves [sic]. It pisses me off though that we make a special purple fag day for them. I like that fags cant procreate. I also enjoy the fact that they often give each other aids and die. If you arent against it, you might as well be for it."

Afterward, McCance said:

"I would disown my kids they were gay. They will not be welcome at my home or in my vicinity. I will absolutely run them off. Of course my kids will know better. My kids will have solid christian beliefs. See it infects everyone."

Right-wing bigots serving on American school boards isn't exactly new. But what's striking lately is that now right-wingers aren't even hiding their fascism. They make comments like this out in the open and expect to be rewarded for it.

It's actually a form of cheap elitism. Clint McCance thinks his views should carry more weight than others' just because he has a powerful position in his town. According to McCance, commoners be damned.

I wonder how long it will be before McCance demands a public apology from his critics. It's a bit like how Rand "Stompy" Paul's goons keep demanding an apology from the woman whose head they repeatedly stomped on. (The way Stompy's thugs act reminds me of all that "outraged by the outrage" business.)