Friday, February 28, 2014

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "The Halls Of Medicine"

Tim reminisces about a hilarious cough drop advertising campaign...

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Some people say...

There are people out there who say climate change isn't real. I can't imagine they actually believe it, but they say it every chance they get.

There are people who say the world is only 6,000 years old - despite piles of proof to the contrary.

There are people who say the media has a liberal bias.

There are people who say Saddam Hussein still had weapons of mass destruction in the run-up to the Iraq War.

There are people who say Hitler was a leftist.

There are people who blame Obama for a recession that started a dozen years before he became President. These same people used to say the recession wasn't real back before Obama took office.

There are people who say genetically modified foods are safe.

There are people who say aspartame is safer than sugar.

There are people who say nuclear power is safe.

There are people who say the violent crime rate declined in the 1990s and 2000s.

There are people who say banning Sudafed will wipe out meth labs.

There are people who say marijuana is more dangerous than alcohol and cigarettes.

There are people who say unemployment is less severe in so-called "right-to-work" states.

There are people who say Reagan ended the Cold War.

There are people who - to this very day - say Michael Dukakis actually did enact the prison furlough program William Horton abused.

There are people who say school uniforms will improve student safety.

There are people who say the 2000 "election" wasn't stolen.

There are people who say gas cost more under Jimmy Carter than it does now.

There are people who say the Tea Party is popular.

There are people who say Occupy Wall Street supporters defecated on a police car - even after it was proven that the photo was in a completely different precinct from where Occupy Wall Street was taking place.

There are people who say Palestinians celebrated in the streets after the 9/11 attacks - even though the footage in question was from a festival years earlier.

There are people who say the IRS targeted the Tea Party.

There are people who say the Obama administration covered up events surrounding the Benghazi attack.

There are people who say the Bill of Rights was never intended to be binding on the states.

There are people who say America has high taxes compared to the rest of the industrialized world.

There are people who say the legislative branch of government is supposed to be more powerful than the other branches.

There are people who say the worst private school is better than the best public school.

There are people who say media consolidation has made radio better.

There are people who say there's more Republicans than Democrats among the general public.

There are people who say the DLC improved the Democrats' electoral prospects.

There are people who say separation of church and state isn't found in the Constitution.

There are people who say the Affordable Care Act doesn't let folks keep their doctor.

There are people who say increasing the minimum wage kills jobs.

There are people who say violent TV shows and video games lead to real-life violence.

There are people who say the poor caused their own poverty.

There are people who claim the Canadian health care system needlessly delays surgery while the U.S. system before the ACA did not.

There are people who say the stock market is an accurate indicator of Americans' economic well-being.

There are people who say the poor pay less in taxes than the rich.

There are people who say the Constitution isn't supposed to apply at school.

There are people who say Singapore is one of the freest countries in the world.

There are people who say Obama is trying to take people's guns away.

There are people who are wrong about everything.

Kentucky may abolish Daylight Saving Time

Daylight Saving Time is almost useless for the majority of Kentucky that inexplicably rests within the Eastern Time Zone. For this region, the drawbacks of this annual ritual outweigh the scarce benefits.

Now a remedy may be finally in sight. State Rep. Kevin Sinnette (D-Ashland) has introduced a bill that would opt Kentucky out of Daylight Wasting Time. He said the time change squanders energy by encouraging folks to run air conditioners later in the evening. He also said farmers and people with sleep disorders would benefit if Kentucky pulled out of Daylight Saving Time.

The time change travails worsened in the mid-2000s when the Bush regime extended Daylight Saving Time to please the energy industry.

It's time for Kentucky to mature, take charge, and fix this mess.


Monday, February 24, 2014

GOP bill would ban gays from NFL

Oh, the stupid. It burns.

I guess this story is an indication that the Republican Party has given up on "rebranding" itself so people don't think they're a bunch of zillionaire bigots. Jack Burkman - a powerful Republican lobbyist in Washington - says his lobbying firm is now drafting a bill that would ban gays from playing football in the NFL. Burkman issued a statement that reads, "If the NFL has no morals and no values, then Congress must find values for it."

I swear I am not making this up. This is not an article from the Onion.

Just another day in the life of the "limited government" GOP.


Friday, February 21, 2014

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "See My Vest...See My Vest..."

"See my vest...See my vest...Made from real gorilla chest..." Tim talks about a special item he buyed for the upcoming St. Louis roadmeet...

Thursday, February 20, 2014

All the right roads in all the right faces

I'm all caught up on uploading my recent Roads Scholaring photos, and there's 2 new sets from Cincinnati!

First, there's last month's minor event downtown...

But if you really wanna peep and beep, there's the Peace Bike excursion on Tuesday that covered everything from West End to Northside. It has new ramps, new roads, the paths of closed ramps, and aging sines...

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

St. Louis trip etched in stone

This is a stern warning to all of humanity.

I am planning an outing to the St. Louis roadmeet on Saturday, March 15. Because that's what cool people do - regardless of political views. Then again, most cool people do share my devotion to progressive populism, so the point may be moot. This is not officially a vacation trip. In order to be classed as a mish, it has to be longer, or there has to be real lodging - not sporadic snoozes on the bus or at bus terminals.

Yes, I'm taking a bus. I will leave early Saturday morning and get home Sunday morning. This cannot be changed. I repeat, THIS CANNOT BE CHANGED. That's because I buyed a nonrefundable ticket. Granted, it only costs tens of dollars, not hundreds - but for me, that's big bucks. I shan't let it be wosted.

I've checked the long-range forecast, and I doubt Greyhound will cancel over weather. But I am reiterating this for the sake of readers: MY TICKET IS NONREFUNDABLE, SO MY PLANS CAN'T BE CHANGED. I MEAN IT! If any of my close family members are reading this, please tell the rest of my close family members as soon as possible, in case I don't get a chance.

If it turns out that's the day my Cousin Filbert who I haven't seen since 1976 has his wedding, then tough toilets. And if I was Cousin Filbert, I'd say the same. I don't think there's any conceivable situation that can keep me from this roadmeet.

Except one: personal illness. Mine, not yours. Quarantine measures will be very stiff in the run-up to the roadmeet.

The upcoming event has been described as the roadmeet to end all roadmeets. If I miss it, you WILL hear about it until the end of time. If I can't go, I will make sure to bring it up at every family event for the foreseeable future.

I think we can all agree that ever since what occurred in 6th grade, I have walked through fire (as Bad Company would say). The least I deserve is to attend this roadmeet unimpeded. If you think I'm being dramatic, then you don't know how much I suffered. You just don't know. I'm unspoiled, hard-working, and easy to please, so I've only been to a few roadmeets, and I don't plan on going to many others. But the upcoming event in St. Louis is a different animal altogether.

Arkansas! Louisiana! Mississippi! It's a great place to start!

My most recent fact-finding mission - 3 months back - explored the Mid-South, and it yielded 146 Roads Scholaring photos and videos.

I divided them into 6 parts, and you're gonna bip every one of 'em, so point your pooper here...

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Kentucky still holds out against REAL ID fascism

Every 4 years - when I have to renew my driver's license - I always get to report on whether or not Kentucky has begun complying with REAL ID. REAL IDiot is a right-wing law enacted by Bush and backed by the fascist Heritage Foundation that tries forcing states to erect a needless amount of red tape just to get a photo ID - red tape that's impossible for many Americans to meet. It's convenient that I get to report on it right before each congressional midterm.

This morning, I renewed my ID, but I was worried sick that I'd need a birth certificate now - though I never needed one before just to renew it. The reason I was so worried was that I'm taking a bus to the St. Louis roadmeet next month, and Greyhound doesn't accept expired ID's - plus I was worried that a family member had lost my birth certificate and I wouldn't be able to get it replaced in time. But no bother! The woman at the DMV today said no birth certificate was needed - much to the chagrin of the REAL ID thought police.

Luckily, Kentucky still stands out as "noncompliant" with REAL ID. However, I'm furious that so many other states have apparently caved. If REAL IDiot kept me from going to St. Louis - and ended up wasting tens of dollars of my hard-earned money, since it's a nonrefundable ticket - there would have been unshirted hell to pay.

Submission is treason. So Kentucky should go a step further than merely not complying with REAL ID. There should be a state law imposing stiff criminal penalties for public officials if they attempt to comply. The law should also prohibit airports within the state from requiring that a traveler's ID comply with REAL ID.

These days, an ID isn't just a driver's license. It's a license just to exist. With the expansion of Soviet-style devices, any business or peace officer can now just demand that you show your ID at any time. I've seen people arrested for not carrying their ID. "Papers, please" is the rule in modern America.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Outrage at Tennessee auto plant

Interference by right-wing politicians and anti-worker think tanks has yielded its intended effect at a Volkswagen plant in Chattanooga.

This week, workers at this factory voted on whether to unionize under the United Auto Workers, which would have led to the establishment of the first works council at any workplace in the whole country. But the election was marred by outside interference, and union supporters narrowly lost.

Tea Party Sen. Bob Corker defended his own efforts to stick his nose into the situation. The misnamed Center for Worker Freedom handed out right-wing propaganda to autoworkers. State Sen. Bo Watson threatened Volkswagen management if they allowed workers to unionize. The fascist National Right to Work Legal Defense Foundation also meddled in the election.

There'll be other chances to unionize that plant. In the meantime, there should be tougher laws against outside manipulation of union votes.


9th Circuit stunner: school uniforms ruled unconstitutional

And boom goes the bubble gum.

A federal court has just issued a surprise ruling affirming that requiring uniforms in public schools is unconstitutional. Even more surprising, it's the 9th Circuit, which - despite its liberal reputation - has been hostile to students' interests before.

Parents at Roy Gomm Elementary School in Reno, Nevada, had sued over uniforms. But today, the panel of judges ruled 3 to 0 that the uniform policy violates students' free speech rights. The opinion was written by Judge Jacqueline Nguyen, an Obama appointee.

The ruling may be surprising - but it's fair, and it's constitutionally proper. Nothing less should have been accepted. I've only discussed a zillion times before how school uniforms are unconstitutional.


Lawn Chair Quarterback: "My New Kentucky Home"

My recent Last Word edition talked about how to whittle a 51st state out of Kentucky that the Republicans would be virtually guaranteed to lose. My latest 'LCQ' does one better by using Dave's Redistricting to form a "cool state" from Kentucky that not only includes most of northern Kentucky, but also would have gone almost 2-to-1 for Obama...

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Comcast to take over Time Warner

Brace yourselves. The Walmart of the cable TV industry is about to fill your living room.

Comcast - America's largest cable company, which is widely criticized for shitty service and favoring right-wing channels - is about to take over Time Warner - the 2nd-largest. The $45,000,000,000 transaction is of course expected to be rubber-stamped by regulators.

When you buy something at the store, you have to pay sales tax. Comcast of course doesn't have to pay a cent in taxes when it buys a competitor.

This comes after Comcast's purchase of NBC was rubber-stamped - a purchase that raised questions about conflict of interest.

We just got done talking on Facebook about how the Northern Kentucky Cable Board delayed MTV coming to town because it might offend the Moral Majoritarians who thought it was their right to decide what we could watch. But you can bet your bippus the local cable board won't block the Comcast/Time Warner deal.


...Because nothing says workers' rights like school uniforms!

You can't make this stuff up, people.

An elementary school in a Texas suburb is using an Adopt-a-School grant from the AFL-CIO to make a Big Statement about school uniforms.

As a civil libertarian and economic populist, I have a firm record of opposing school uniforms. But, surprisingly, I'm not against using grants to buy uniforms - as long as uniforms are not compulsory. After all, mandatory uniforms in public schools are unconstitutional.

All this is lost on school officials. When they got the grant, they told students that a uniform requirement would teach them about labor and civil rights struggles of the past. They also said uniforms would instill the meaning of living in a society free of discrimination.

Ending discrimination is a good goal. Yet mandatory uniforms discriminate against students on the basis of clothing style.

Plus, America has a major historical example of uniforms being used to discriminate. Over a century ago, the federal government forced Native American children to attend boarding schools that required them to wear uniforms, forbade them from speaking their native languages, and forced them to change their religion.

Texas could be doing something that really helps workers, such as repealing the far-right "right-to-work" law, but instead they're acting like making schoolchildren wear uniforms somehow advances workers' rights.

I think for myself. I don't let schools tell me what to think.

Ritalin damages penises

Here's a story from 2 months ago that was completely covered up by the lying media - so it's just now being discovered.

According to the FDA, Ritalin and other ADHD poisons cause painful and long-lasting erections - a condition called priapism. This condition can permanently damage the penis.

As a result of the potential to be a penis ruiner, the FDA has directed makers of these drugs to carry warning labels about it.


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

GOP wire fraud scandal explained

The Last Word made a brief reference to the Republican Party being involved in a wire fraud scandal, and many of you probably don't even know what we're talking about, since The Media has hardly covered it. So - in the immortal words of Alice Cooper - let me explain!

The Republican Party - not just a lone GOPer, but the national party apparatus itself - is now setting up websites in the names of political opponents. The websites appear to have fundraising buttons for Democratic candidates, but when you click on the button, your money actually goes to the Republicans. For instance, the GOP set up a website under that features a button that appears to raise money for Arizona Democrat Ann Kirkpatrick. It even has a photo of the congresswoman's smiling face. But when you donate, the money actually goes to the National Republican Congressional Committee.

The GOP has at least 16 websites like this under the names of different candidates.

This is wire fraud.

In fact, there's at least one verified instance of a person thinking one of these websites was real and donating to it - only to find out later it was a fraudulent GOP decoy.

If the Democrats had done something like this, that would be the end of the Democratic Party. Guaranteed. And if the Greens had done it, it would not only be the end of the Greens, but think of the laughter and humiliation that would also ensue.

Why isn't this scandal bringing the attention - or the criminal charges - it deserves?

Have no fear, the February ish is here!

To help combat the ongoing case of the stupids that the Far Right foists upon the world, the February ish of The Last Word is now pub, and it's a beaut like all the rest.

In the latest edition, we talk about the following amazing topics...

• How to fight right-wing Facebook friends.

• America's worst court show?

• WePay woes.

• USB mouse idiocy.

• How to carve a 51st state out of Kentucky.

• Toothpastephobia!

It's free like pee, so point your pooper here...

Friday, February 7, 2014

A restaurant to avoid on your next storm-chasing trip

The Evil Empire really needs to get less stupid material.

In Enid, Oklahoma, there's a restaurant and bar that rivals that Republican-themed pub we had around here in the category of sheer fartpipery. It's called Gary's Chicaros, and it's run by one Gary James.

James - who bears a strong resemblance to my high school principal - is now under fire because of his hatred of various demographic groups. This right-wing bigot told a TV station, "I've been in business 44 years, I think I can spot a freak or a faggot." Then he smiled.

Facebook commenters now charge that James refuses to serve blacks, Hispanics, and the disabled. A former customer claims it's been going on for decades. Plus, while he tends his restaurant, James wears a t-shirt that threatens violence against Muslims, members of the Democratic Party, and others.

May his business license fall into the toilet.


Lawn Chair Quarterback: "G! Gum!"

Tim reminisces about a hilarious high school battle cry...