Monday, October 28, 2013

Assholes vandalize cemetery

I want to know who the lifeless losers are who keep vandalizing Evergreen Cemetery in Southgate.

There have been numerous reports of late regarding toppled headstones, smashed or stolen urns, and other deliberate destruction in this graveyard. Just recently, some thugs were caught trying to set a live cat on fire in the cemetery.

I suspect it's some spoiled rich kids - who have too much time on their hands because they don't have to work like we do. It's weird how the county never had a disproportionate number of problems like this until the '80s when our slaphappy public officials began rubber-stamping every luxury development.

I hope authorities keep a special eye on pampered twerps in the area, so we can get to the bottom of the hooliganism that has afflicted Evergreen.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "My Dog Chewed Bubble Gum"

Tim describes the canine chomping of a zesty viand...

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Louisville schools defy protection order

If I was the judge in this case, I'd be sending some people to jail for contempt of court.

A couple years back, a 6th-grade student in the Jefferson County (Louisville) Public Schools was harassed by schoolmates during school. He was homeschooled for 7th grade, and now he's returned to school for 8th grade. The moment he came back to school, the harassment started back up again.

This prompted his mother to seek a protection order to keep the assailants away. But the school district thinks they shouldn't have to comply. School officials complained that the order was "unprecedented."

"Unprecedented"? Maybe the order never would have been needed if the school had cracked down on the aggressors 2 years ago.

If it's impractical for the school to keep the assailants away from the victim, then the school has a constitutional duty to expel the attackers and refer their case to juvenile court. Their "rights" be damned, as far as I'm concerned. You don't have a right to come to school and assault other kids.


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Minor Tea Party tirade in Bellevue

You know it pays to monitor the Tea Party when they pick a fight with the Bellevue Neighborhood Association, of all people.

You'd think the Tea Party would adore the BNA, because several years ago, the BNA encouraged the city's failed "rental conversion" program (a gentrification land grab). But now the Tea Party has the nonstory about the Nativity scene in Nagel Park to exploit.

I went to the BNA's public meeting tonight. I heard through the dingleberryvine that the Tea Party (which has hardly any members in Bellevue) planned to stack the event and shout down the BNA. Well, that turned out to be a bluff. Most folks at the meeting apparently weren't Tea Party followers, since they got through it without making a spectacle of themselves. But there were a couple of minor harangues that were of note.

A man in the audience spoke up and said something about the IRS probing the Tea Party. Unless I misunderstood him, his credibility was out the window when he said that. Then he said the Constitution isn't supposed to protect separation of church and state. That's another debunked Tea Party talking point.

Later, another man raised his hand and repeated the bogus claim that the Constitution doesn't safeguard separation of church and state. Everyone rolled their eyes, and he angrily stormed out.

What's even more hilarious is that right after the meeting, somebody on Facebook (who doesn't even live in Bellevue) complained that the Tea Party not getting their way is proof that "the devil is real and at work."

The meeting sort of reminded me of the one with Monty Burns in Highland Heights. Anyone else remember that?

Another funny celebrity look-alike

Yesterday at Kroger, I saw a Jimmy the Greek look-alike.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "The Politics Of Farting"

Tim describes why flatulence is a bit like America's two-party political system...

Former House Speaker Tom Foley dies

Former Speaker of the House Tom Foley died today at the age of 84.

The popular Foley was a Democrat from the state of Washington who served as Speaker for 5 years before being defeated for another House term in the media-tinged 1994 "election." Foley was widely considered a champion of civil liberties and other causes benefiting working-class constituents - unlike the DLC, the Republican wing of the Democratic Party that started calling the shots in the '90s.

It's hard to believe residents of Foley's district allowed him to be replaced in his House seat by a bungling clown who attacked him for actually serving the public. It's also hard to believe the American public allowed him to be replaced as Speaker by a man who seems almost synonymous with modern congressional incompetence: Newt Gingrich.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Time to ban school drug testing

La Salle High School - an all-boys Catholic school outside Cincinnati - has decided to become the first school in the area to require all students to take a drug test.

This is preposterous, of course, and it's time our lawmakers muster the gumption to fight it. Not like I expect them to, but the point stands.

I think there should be laws to limit workplace drug testing. If workers are drug-tested, it should have to be negotiated through their union first. Similarly, I believe drug testing in schools should be outlawed - even in private schools. Every once in a while, we read about some private school prying into students' sex lives - an intrusion that would be illegal if an employer did it. So why not hold schools to the same standards as employers? If we oppose workplace drug tests, it's only fair to also oppose school drug tests. Drug tests are an infringement upon personal privacy that fails to benefit the school community.

A recent study even found that drug tests were ineffective at reducing teens' drug use.

If the Tea Party is for "limited government", why haven't they been at the forefront of halting needless drug testing? Because the Tea Party lies. Never trust them.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Student punished for driving friend home from party

The right-wing "zero tolerance" thought police is at it again - this time in North Andover, Massachusetts.

Recently, a senior at North Andover High School got a call from a friend at a party who was too drunk to drive home. So she showed up to drive the friend home. Cops were called to the party, but quickly determined that the driver was neither drinking nor possessing alcohol.

Somehow, her school learned of the incident and punished her for it by suspending her from the volleyball team - even though the party was away from school grounds and was not part of a school activity, and police had already determined she was innocent of any wrongdoing anyway.

Her parents then sued the school, but inexplicably, the judge ruled that the court didn't have any jurisdiction.

Well, I rule that the school doesn't have any jurisdiction. They had no right punishing an innocent student for something that had nothing to do with school in the first place. The school needs to fuck off.

Incidentally, the Freeper brigade is out in full force to defend the school. I criticized the school on a news site, and one right-winger replied, "Caution: Dyslexic moron posting above." Another said to me, "you are without a doubt the biggest idiot in this story get bent liberal troll." Hey tealet, shut any governments down lately?


Another bunker blast wafted

Last night at an important family gathering, an SBD trouser sneeze hovered as we were getting ready to leave.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Roadmeet comes to Cincinnati!

A local meet-up of road enthusiasts took place today at the same time as the Occupy-fueled March Against Monsanto, so I couldn't attend both. I believe the roadmeet was announced first, so I attended it - although March Against Monsanto drew a sizeable turnout (which of course was ignored by The Media).

Today's roadmeet was the first real gathering of Roads Scholars to come to Cincinnati. I'm not counting the 2 so-called roadmeets in the mid-2000s where the location was kept under wraps just for spite. Today's event was different, and it drew 15 fans.

We met at Fuckhead Mountain Grill in Bellevue, and we carpooled for a motorcade that pibbed all over town. We went out to Highland Heights, over to Devou Park, up to Lockland, and everywhere in-betwixt!

Two SBD bunker blasts were detected during the roadmeet. One was at the Devou Park overlook. Another was in a cemetery as we tried viewing a highway project.

During our stop at Olden View Park, we got skeeped at for parking at a parking lot that was "reserved" for some swanky apartment building.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Lost!"

Tim describes the proper way to react when things become lost...

Have no fear, the October ish is here!

The October ish of The Last Word was delayed by an Illness Log-justifying plague, but now it's pub at long last! Best all, The Last Word is now FREE! Just like it was for its first 20 years!

F-R-E-E!!! (Cheap!)

The latest ish talks about...

• A downright uproarious trip to Colorado!

• The burpoo and other new additions to the New Language!

• Did the Phantom Pooper enroll at Yale?

• Hilarious Dungeons & Dragons memories!

• The Tea Party makes up its own laws - again!

So if you're in a Last Word mood like you should be, peep, weep, and oggle-beep...

Thursday, October 10, 2013

War on Halloween tarnishes Ohio school

The Taliban is alive and well at Maryland Elementary School in Bexley, Ohio.

Bowing to right-wing pressure lodged by dominionist parents, the school has announced plans to cancel Halloween festivities. At least one student cried upon hearing the news.

The backlash though has been significant. About 140 people have signed a petition to restore Halloween. But the Grinches Who Stole Halloween seem undeterred.

Silly me for thinking America had separation of church and state.


Mississippi station isn't even trying anymore

It's bad enough when The Media is stovepiping right-wing drug warrior propaganda, but now they're not even trying to hide it anymore.

Mississippi is the home of WDAM-TV in Hattiesburg and WLOX-TV in Biloxi - both owned by the right-wing Raycom syndicate, which also infamously owns Cincinnati's Channel 19. Now these stations are going around claiming that Mississippi's law that makes over-the-counter allergy drugs available by prescription only has nearly eliminated meth labs - an out-and-out lie.

An article posted Tuesday by WDAM says, "The decrease of almost 90 percent is the result of a 2010 law banning the over-the-counter sale of pseudoephedrine." They didn't even qualify this statement by saying, "Supporters say." They just went ahead and posted it in a paragraph of its own - as if it's a hard fact.

If meth labs in Mississippi have declined by 90% in the past 4 years, it clearly isn't because of this law, because they've declined by even more nationwide. Meth is a stale relic of the Bush era, and meth labs were already declining in Mississippi when the state passed the law. But the prevalence of meth labs has actually increased in Oregon, the only other state with this law.

Even if WDAM's claim was actually true, it still doesn't justify the law. Part of the magic of a free society is that we maximize individual freedom and minimize punishing the innocent over the misbehavior of a few.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't have laws - but it does mean we shouldn't have stupid laws. Sooner or later, somebody is going to burn to death because they couldn't smell the smoke in their house because they were unable to get Sudafed to unclog their sinuses. When that happens, it's more blood on the discredited drug warriors' hands. And WDAM has taken the side of the drug warriors - not the public who they're supposed to serve.

I'm an opinion blogger, but I haven't behaved any less like a journalist than those in The Media who parrot official lies. I studied mass media in college, and some news outlets just don't understand the way journalism is supposed to work. Reporters are supposed to ask incisive questions - not magnify propaganda.

Monday, October 7, 2013


My Illness Log isn't meant for minor things like finding a lone boogly-wooglum in your nose, but it damn sure is meant for stuff like this.

Starting on the final day of my Colorado trip, I felt like I was run over by a lawn mower. I suspected everything from mononucleosis to a bladder infection to E. coli, but I finally settled on a diagnosis: It was severe dehydration caused by hemorrhoid-induced blood loss. I was out of commission until the following Thursday when I figured it out and buyed some hydrocortisone oinkment to alleviate the erupting pile.

So now I've improved from feeling like shit to merely feeling like crap. Blood loss like that takes a long time to recover from, and I didn't know how bad it was until it was well in progress. This experience has delayed my Last Word that I planned to release a week ago.

This Saturday is the first real roadmeet in Cincinnati, and I plan to attend. But my system is very weak and I'm wide open to catching whatever illnesses are being laughed about by the local media this week. So if I catch something and am prevented from attending the roadmeet, you'll never hear the end of it.

The world is on notice. I shouldn't have to keep explaining this, but people don't listen.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

It's official: Obamacare helps me

Those who insisted I'd lose my doctor under the Affordable Care Act can pipe down now.

I was disappointed in the 2010 health care law. Even the President wanted better. Indeedity-doodledy, most Americans want single payer instead.

But the ACA is the law. And I knew it couldn't possibly be any worse than what we had before. I also knew I'd have to test the right-wing media's thesis that Obamacare would be society's ultimate ruin.

I am a citizen of Kentucky, the state that's unexpectedly at the forefront of adopting Obamacare. I logged on the federal Obamacare website. No glitches there. It directed me to Kentucky's website. No sign of any trouble there either.

The long and short of it is, I don't have to change doctors because of Obamacare. And health care coverage won't be costing me any more than it otherwise would have - and it might cost me less. Without exception, everybody I know has had the same experience - or better, since most have already found that they'll be paying a lot less.

Maybe it's better for Kentucky residents because Kentucky is among the states that's actually adopting the Affordable Care Act instead of pulling out and trying to obstruct it.

I still think single payer would be much better, but the Tea Party says no, so we don't have it.

I've had problems getting my health care sorted out over the past couple years - namely, HMO's trying to change my doctor without asking me first. But that wasn't because of Obamacare. That was because fascist former Gov. Ernie "Hery Bert" Fletcher had farmed out Kentucky's public health care services to greedy HMO's. I set my HMO's straight though by hounding them until they agreed not to change my doctor. If anyone out there is telling people they can't keep their doc, it's HMO's - not Obama. Number of people who will have to switch doctors because of Obamacare: 0.

The Media needs to stop bumping its bloody gums about how awful it is that Americans now get better health care.

Tea Party lies about Nativity scene

Only the Tea Party can make hay over something as uncontroversial as this.

Nagel Park here in Bellevue has been the site of a Nativity scene during the holiday season. Placement of it is governed by a nonprofit group - not City Council. This year, this nonprofit has decided to plant a Christmas tree in Nagel Park and move the Nativity scene to a church on Fairfield Avenue. The main reason for moving the Nativity is that many more people will see it if it's on Fairfield.

Now that there's 2 Christmas displays instead of just one, you'd think nobody would complain that Christians are being persecuted. But that assumes there's no such thing as the Tea Party, which exploits this nonstory to whip up support for itself.

Out-of-town Tea Party followers are going around claiming that the Nativity scene was moved because atheists and Muslims complained. That is a lie. Nobody complained. The reason nobody complained is that it wasn't the city that sponsored the Nativity in the first place.

Team Tyranny (the Tea Party) is trying to tell Bellevue residents how to react to the Nativity being moved. They keep clogging local message forums with reams of bullshit about Muslims, atheists, the ACLU, and "leftists" on City Council. They keep ordering local residents to vote out City Council - even though City Council had nothing to do with the "controversy." Tea Party cultists have even tried to encourage folks to chop down the new Christmas tree at Nagel Park in protest.

I repeat what I posted in one of the Facebook pages: "Bellevue is no place for bigotry. If the Tea Party wants to use this saga as an excuse to gin up violence against atheists and Muslims, then the Tea Party needs to leave the county." I for one will stand firm and fight. If you physically harm my friends, watch out, because I don't fight with my hands tied behind my back like some people expect me to do.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Lawn Chair Quarterback: "Speak & Spell Is Cool"

Tim shares memories of a 1970s educational toy...

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

A constitutional amendment against government shutdowns?

For decades, the unpopular Balanced Budget Amendment has been something of a Holy Grail among the right-wing punditocracy. Recently, a secret campaign to underhandedly pass a beefed-up version of this amendment fell flat. But I think it underscores the need for a different constitutional amendment: one to prevent government shutdowns.

A shutdown occurs when the government doesn't have funding approved for its operations. The U.S. government shutdown that began today is the third major one since 1995. Before 1995, there were 9 minor shutdowns since 1981. All of these blackouts were 100% the fault of the Republicans. Every last one of them.

How do we stop this crap from hap? I think we need a constitutional amendment. Under my amendment, if our public officials can't agree on funding the government, Congress must take a pay cut. Plus, a tax increase on corporations and cuts in military spending would automatically kick in. The amount would be sufficient to fund the government during what would otherwise be a shutdown.

Under my proposal, the Tea Party doesn't get to destroy the economy like it thinks has the right to do.

GOP shuts down government; Obamacare survives anyway

It's another day of fail in conservaworld.

Congressional Republicans apparently thought shutting down the government would kill the Affordable Care Act. Well, now they've shut it down, but Obamacare bounces along as scheduled.

What are Tea Party Republicans going to say to supporters who counted on them to make Obamacare grind to a halt? It may not matter, because it's clear we're not dealing with grownups anyway. If the health care law had been beaten back, they had practically a whole book full of other outrageous demands they could have tried to move ahead with in addition to that.

How did these babyish idiots get to control so much of what the government does? News stories often refer to "Tea Party lawmakers", but the Tea Party should have never become powerful enough to have its own legislators. This is the only time in modern American history that a movement so out of step with reality has openly claimed so many lawmakers.

This happened because the Tea Party was treated as a mainstream movement by right-wing media outlets like Fox News. Without this media support, the Tea Party wouldn't be any bigger than the average klavern. It might not even exist at all.

But they couldn't kill Obamacare. It's here to stay - at least until something stronger like single payer replaces it.

The real story here may be that - for once - President Obama and the Democrats didn't cave in the government shutdown fight. They stood firm, and the Affordable Care Act has survived. Feels great, doesn't it?