Friday, September 30, 2016

Bubbl-Eez bubble gum, Bubbl-Eez bubble gum... (Bubble Gum Weekend)

You've got to see this!

Sometime around 1988, there apparently was a brand of bubble gum called Bubbl-Eez. I don't remember it. At all. Never chewed it, never bubbled with it, never stuck it in a schoolbook, nothing.

But the music in the commersh was unforgettable...

That was posted on YouTube by the guy who composed the music, sang, and played all the instruments in the commersh. Small world, huh?

According to the ad, Bubbl-Eez was a "super-soft" beegee that was easy to chew and bubble with. I guess it was the bubble gum to chew during a flare-up of TMJ disorder. Also, the commersh showed an astronaut floating around in space and bubbling.

I don't think they make this gum anymore. I wonder if they ever did, since I never saw it. Nonetheless, the next time you're riding around in the car with a relationship partner or family member, and they ask what's for lunch or dinner, answer them by singing, "Bubbl-Eez bubble gum, Bubbl-Eez bubble gum..." Then they'll know you're cool.

Get your anti-Bevin gear here!

A wise man once said, "It ain't a store!" Actually, this is a store! (That's an inside joke. It cost me lots of money just to hear it. So laugh.)

I know you want some goodies to trenchantly ridicule the New Hampshire Forehead - who rules Kentucky with an iron fist. Now, by popular demand, I have a CafePress shop that sells clothing and other gear depicting Matt Bevin with the words "This is a fascist" emblazoned across his enormous, Bert-like forehead.

You or your relationship partner will sure look sexy wearing one of our anti-Bevin shirts or caps. Or maybe not, since our gear has Bevin's stupid face on it. That's why we also offer other high-quality gear, including small stickers, travel mugs, and even mousepads.

So if you want some amazing anti-Bevin swag, point your pooper here...

Kentucky GOPer makes bigoted Facebook posts

Meet Dan Johnson, a Republican candidate for Kentucky House just outside Louisville.

A strange peep that Dan Johnson is. He's a bishop at his church, and he posted a sign there reading, "Jesus and this church are not politically correct." Now he's being called out for bigoted posts on his Facebook page.

Johnson's page includes racist pictures regarding the Obama family, including a photo of a chimpanzee that Johnson labels as a baby picture of the President. Johnson also calls on states to outlaw Islam, which he calls a "criminal syndicate." And he told the media that the Confederate flag is under attack because it represents "constitutionalists."

Dan Johnson's excuse for all this ridiculousness? "I want to be myself," he said. By that logic, I guess that means I have a right to be elected in Campbell County as a vocal alt-left candidate. If the alt-right is great enough to win The Media's support in taking over the Kentucky House, the alt-left is at least great enough for a county office.


Nevada court defunds private school handout

Good news, good news, Boss!

In recent years, the people of Nevada became saddled with what is probably the most generous and wasteful private school handout program in America. It gave parents of kids in private schools up to $5,000 a year. Just because. It's been described as a "reverse Robin Hood" program.

Now the Nevada Supreme Court has correctly ruled 4 to 2 that the funding mechanism for this program violates the Nevada Constitution by using funds that are supposed to be allocated for public schools.

The real question is: Where did they find 2 justices who are partisan enough to support funding these handouts?


Thursday, September 29, 2016

Psych ward accused of goading kids into acting up

Before you or your children receive treatment from any field of medicine, know the facts first. And let me be frank: The entire field of psychiatry is quackery.

The psychiatric unit of Westchester Medical Center in Valhalla, New York, is awash in scandal. A doctor who trained there has filed a whistleblower lawsuit claiming that young people who were held there were provoked into acting up - then drugged, restrained, and locked up longer just so the facility could receive more Medicaid money. When the doctor tried to stop this Medicaid fraud, the facility retaliated against him.

There was racism going on too. The psych ward reportedly practiced racial discrimination against some of the teens by neglecting their complaints.

I've seen firsthand how psychiatric prisons provoke kids into acting up just so they have an excuse to hold them longer - so those who deny it need to shut up now.


Wednesday, September 28, 2016

My state rep is now unopposed

Can you believe that a local Democrat is actually running unopposed? Granted, he's a very, very, very conservative Democrat, but unopposed he is. Usually, it's the Republicans who force you to vote for them by running unopposed.

My Kentucky House district is represented by State Rep. Dennis Keene. The Democratic incumbent faced a challenge by 24-year-old Republican Matt Teaford. A Republican had no chance to win, because this district was formed by carving out the river cities and university areas (to protect the alt-right Joe Fischer).

Teaford was sued because some local residents believe he actually lives in Ohio and is therefore ineligible to serve in public office in Kentucky. The suit also names the Campbell County Board of Elections, which allegedly let Teaford appear on the ballot despite him being ineligible. The lawsuit also says Teaford hasn't filed proper reports with the Kentucky Registry of Election Finance.

After this suit was filed, Teaford withdrew from the election. He issued a statement calling the presidential election a "circus act" and blasting both major parties. He said his own party is full of "religious demagogues" who "lie to the faces of their constituents." That much is true.

The Republicans' right-wing demagoguery only drives home the point that they're unfit for public office - especially to gain full control of Kentucky government like The Media thinks they've been owed for at least the past 30 years.


Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Howard Dean thinks Trump was coked up

I watched the debate last night. I didn't watch it alone. And trust me, there was lots of laughter in the room.

I know it's disappointing that third parties couldn't participate, and that the Democratic establishment scuttled Bernie Sanders's candidacy, but that doesn't excuse Donald Trump's ridiculous performance. Trump was such an embarrassment that Howard Dean - who built the Democrats' successful 50-state strategy of the late 2000s - posted that Trump is a "coke user."

Yes, I noticed Trump's constant sniffling too and thought the same thing. I had a school principal who sniffled like that, and I suspected he was a cocaine addict. Trump's sniffle didn't sound like that of someone with allergies, a respiratory infection, or just a plain old booger. It sounded like cocaine. His overall behavior at the debate only drives home this point.

Remember, former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean is also Dr. Howard Dean. He is a physician. I bet Dean is more qualified to diagnose something like this than most people are. Dean went to medical school, and most of the right-wing pundits on Fox News did not.

The sad part is that it wouldn't be surprising if the Republicans nominated a cocaine addict for President, since it's already happened in this century.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

A stand against hate in Bellevue

If you put a pro-Ku Klux Klan sign in your yard, you shouldn't expect it to last.

But someone in Bellevue did the closest thing to it: They posted a Donald Trump campaign sign in their yard. To date, this is the only Trump sign I know of posted anywhere in Bellevue. I've seen this disgraceful sign for weeks on the way to the supermarket and the hardware store.

If you're enough of an intolerant bigot to support Trump, get out of my city. It's that simple.

The alt-right wants trouble, and now they got it. Last night, a group of people - believed to be teenage females - ripped the Trump sign plumb down. Good for them. Glad to know today's kids are smart.

Almost instantly, an urgent bulletin went out asking folks to identify the teens. (Still think there's no political pressure?) But even if I knew who the teens were, I wouldn't turn them in. I fully support their stand against hate.

America's cities in 2016 are not the place for gutter bigots - and we can't afford for bigotry to be mainstreamed again. The alt-right needs to get out of the way - or be taken out of the way.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

My fact-finding mish continues, and I'm taking the long way home through Mitchell, South Dakota. And something uproarious happened at a Ruby Tuesday restaurant here!

Suffice it to say, there was a bunker blast. People's faces got farted in, and deservedly so. This was unmistakably one of the best episodes of public flatulence I've seen in decades! I plan to write more about it in the next edition of The Last Word, but I'll need some time to hone the wit needed for this story.

Also, on Monday, I saw a Sting look-alike at the Theodore Roosevelt National Park visitors center.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

A person rooed in North Dakota

Right now, I'm in Jamestown, North Dakota - hometown of former American Top 40 host Shadoe Stevens - on my way to Theodore Roosevelt National Park. I just downed din-din at a restaurant with mediocre food, pee-like soda, and terrible service. Someone apparently protested the poor quality of this eatery by stinking up the place with a hilarious silent-but-deadly bunker blast. The scent loomed by the entrance and experts believe it may have tainted the gumball machine.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

What ever happened to income inequality?

Why isn't income inequality one of the top issues in the presidential race? I guess it's the same reason there aren't any other issues: The Media is too busy praising Donald Trump. That doesn't make it right to ignore income inequality - which was a major issue in this year's primary.

I'll be fucking damned if I'm gonna let income inequality be ignored like it's 1997 when the alt-right just told me to shut the fuck up every time I mentioned it.

This also won't be a rerun of 2014. It's gonna be more like 2011 on steroids. I've got people. People who follow through - unlike 2014. They don't like it.

Incidentally, I had laid a trap before Occupy started that would have done significant embarrassment to the alt-right cause. Maybe they were on to me - or maybe not. The trap wasn't sprung, so maybe they were, but then again, I don't think they're that smart. I can always set this trap again if they want to play hardball.

Construction trucks noising up Bellevue again


Earlier this summer, Bellevue finally pledged to crack down on the noisy construction trucks for the unasked-for Manhattan Harbor project that was rubber-stamped. Of all the construction firms that have trucks for this project, I notice only one company that drives too fast, squeaks their brakes, and disobeys red lights. Bellevue's crackdown was very effective for months.

But today, the noise and reckless driving started back up again.

Imagine if you have an amazing relationship partner who is the very personification of humor, love, and intelligence. Imagine her removing her gym shoes and socks as she surfs the channels on your TV. Then comes the noise to ruin the moment. It really puts a damper on her day.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Camp Washington! Northside! Newport! It's a great place to fart, I mean start!

Last month, the Peace Bike and I Scholared again in the 'Nati. The heat made it miserable, and I didn't find any earth-shattering developments. I don't even think anyone bubbled. A tragedy indeed.

Anybip, you can point your pooper here for the latest Scholaring photos...

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

America needs stronger laws on inciting hate crimes

The time has come for the United States to join the civilized world by passing tough but fair laws against inciting hate crimes - like the laws of our northern neighbor Canada.

It's a fair topic for debate. I wouldn't support any laws that didn't have broad protections for free speech. Free speech works. But just as a liberal democracy protects free speech, it should also take the initiative against the calls to violence that threaten Americans all because of their race, religion, sexual orientation, or (the big one lately) economic class. Australia, Canada, France, Germany, India, the Netherlands, South Africa, and the U.K. already have similar laws. Most of those countries are far from being among the world's worst dictatorships.

It's not a matter of hurt feelings. The real issue the outright incitement to actual hate crimes - a form of terrorism. The threat shouldn't have to be imminent or even likely in order to be legally punishable. Incitement is incitement.

These laws would not be unconstitutional by any means. The Constitution of Canada has free speech protections as wide as the First Amendment. (Some say it's wider, citing Canada's protection of picketing, though in fact the U.S. is supposed to protect picketing too.) But in Canada, the idea of challenging the laws against incitement is considered laughable.

I'm looking at you, Facebook. Facepoo is classism central. Every right-wing classist meme on Facebook is an incitement to hate crimes. Every single solitary one. We don't need to beat around the bush about this.

In a more sensible world, we could expect Facebook to police itself by deleting these memes. Unfortunately, Facepoo is more inclined to delete users who argue against these memes. Facebook needs to act, or the law must.

Monday, September 12, 2016

I maked another Facepoo funny

Some alt-right Facebook page posted a stale meme comparing food stamp recipients to animals. So I posted this response...

"The real animal is whoever came up with this meme. Hopefully they'll be hunted down and shot."

Hate to brag, but that's a good one!

Bevin threatens to overthrow government if Clinton wins


Just wow.

As a supporter of Jill Stein, I know the Stein camp is mature and levelheaded. I don't know of any Stein backers who are threatening to overthrow the government if Hillary Clinton wins the election. I've said before that our side needs to keep being the adults in the room. If Clinton wins, we can cope, and we wish no personal harm upon the Democratic nominee.

Matt Bevin, on the other hand, can't cope.

Kentucky's alt-right leader - a Donald Trump supporter - attended the Values Voter Summit, where he received an award for "Christian statesmanship." The Forehead also gave a speech threatening violent overthrow of the United States government if Clinton wins.

After ranting about the usual alt-right grievances, Bevin fell into a total meltdown. "I will tell you this: I do think it would be possible, but at what price?" he said after being asked if he thought the country would survive a Clinton presidency. "At what price? The roots of the tree of liberty are watered by what? The blood of who? The tyrants to be sure, but who else? The patriots."

Who else's blood? Bevin went on to say, "It may be that of those in this room. It might be that of our children and grandchildren. I have 9 children. It breaks my heart to think that it might be their blood that is needed to redeem something, to reclaim something, that we through our apathy and our indifference have given away."

Bury your beezer in a book, Bevs. Bury it.


Sunday, September 11, 2016

Trump uses charity money to buy painting of self

The Republicans actually nominated this wasteful egotist for President? Let that sink in for a moment.

Donald's Trump "charity" - the Trump Foundation - is a fraud. He hasn't even donated to it himself in years - and he spends most of the money raised by this scam on his own pursuits.

Not only did Trump illegally use funds from this "charity" for political purposes, but he also used $20,000 from this scam to buy a life-size painting of himself. Apparently, the painting ended up at a golf course he owns.

Trump also spent $12,000 from this "charity" to buy a football helmet autographed by Tim Tebow.

He needs to bury his beezer in a book (as an intelligent person once said).


Covington has a Ploptoberfest too

After the streetcar debacle ruined Cincinnati's Ploptoberfest - because you're not allowed having fun in Cincinnati when the streetcar is more important - we coolsters are setting our sights on Covington's Ploptoberfest from now on.

We goed to Covington's Ploptoberfest today. It wasn't particularly exciting - except we were impressed to discover that the event mimics Cincinnati's Ploptoberfest in the amount of ploppage. It's kind of surprising, because it's otherwise not nearly as big of an event.

When I used one of the portable restrooms there, I discovered someone had tossed a light bulb into the toilet. I have no idea how they accomplished this, since it seems like the light bulb would have gotten broken at some point while being smuggled into the john. Later, in a different portable outhouse, I noticed another plopping. Usually, putting a Dr Pepper bottle in the toilet isn't all that creative, but this time, it was a Dr Pepper bottle full of cotton balls.

Ploptoberfest also afforded me a fine opportunity to test to see how long it takes to consume a big, chewy pretzel during a TMJ flare-up.

Also, although Ploptoberfest wasn't the most exciting event, we did see a woman who was in such a festive mood that she bubbled.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Trump thug attacks babies in Brooklyn

Meet Emirjeta Xhelili, 32, of Brooklyn. She's a staunch supporter of Donald Trump. On one of her social media accounts, Xhelili declared, "America is the ark of Noah. Trump's gonna win."

Yesterday, Xhelili committed a Trump-inspired hate crime in her home borough. According to authorities, when Xhelili saw 2 Muslim women pushing babies in strollers, she assaulted both the women and the infants. Prosecutors say Xhelili punched the 2 women in the face, kicked them, and tried knocking over the strollers with the babies in them. All the while, Xhelili kept yelling, "Get the fuck out of here!"

Yet we're not allowed to bring down the hammer on the alt-right, because it might hurt their fee-fees.


Friday, September 9, 2016

Local GOP voter fraud case found

I want to know why a Republican voter is registered at an address in Campbell County where he does not live. I also want to know why he's also registered at an address in Clermont County where he does not live (after Ohio illegally purged real voters from the rolls). One man - registered in 2 different states at 2 different addresses where he doesn't live.

I have people who know how to find out this stuff, you know. We're not stupid.

The 'American Top 40' bubble gum blowing contest (Bubble Gum Weekend)

It's another Snuffleupagus moment, so hang on to your face!

Many of you know I loved American Top 40 during its original Casey Kasem run and into the Shadoe Stevens era. But did you know the AT40 kick-ass crew was once associated with a bubble gum blowing contest?

For years, I've been insisting that this really happened, and everyone thought I was making it up. But once again, YouTube saves the day!

The contest flourished in 1988 around the time Shadoe took over AT40. Bubble Yum kept running a promotion during AT40 inviting listeners to send in photos of themselves bubbling - and presumably letting the bubble burst on their face, since that's one of the nicest characteristics of beegee. Best photos would win a prize. Proof that this contest really existed? Well, here's an AT40 show from that era (with the songs in the countdown removed for copyright purposes). Fast forward to 4:05 for the ridiculousness...

Believe me now? Why would I make up something like that?

People chewed so much bubble gum in 1988. It's actually surprising Michael Dukakis didn't let loose with a big bubble during a debate. Yet I don't know anyone - and I mean anyone - who entered that contest. Nobody! Granted, this was before digital cameras, so people didn't want to squander film. Plus, it was in the dreaded Dusty Lenscap era, so people probably just assumed Kmart would lose or ruin their bubble photos, so why even bother? And then there's the ever-present fear that the photos would be lost or destroyed in the mail.

That AT40 episode also included ads for 2 other brands of beegee. Unfortunately, the other ads were for sugarless brands or varieties, meaning sugar was replaced with cancer-causing chemicals.

A note about that AT40 installment that has nothing to do with bubble gum: "Fallen Angel" by Poison was in the countdown that week, and that song was responsible for a misheard lyric. The opening line in the song is, "She stepped off the bus out into the city streets." I used to think the song went, "Algebra books out in the city streets." I got the image of spoiled brats at my high school at the time stealing my school books, tearing them up, and throwing them into the street - which was a common occurrence then.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Trump makes stupid rape comment

This happened.

Back in 2013, Donald Trump had this to say on his Twitter feed: "26,000 unreported sexual assults [sic] in the military-only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?"

Everyone forgot about it, because who gave a shit about Trump in 2013? But tonight, the floundering presidential candidate doubled down on the statement during a segment on NBC. Trump said of his earlier text blast, "It is a correct tweet. There are many people that think that's absolutely correct."

What an idiot.


Alabama Tea Party activist busted for selling meth

If you read this blog, I don't need to tell you the Tea Party sells heroin. I also don't need to tell you a Tea Party leader in northern Kentucky was busted several months ago for illegally selling opiates.

A couple weeks ago, the Tea Party was again caught financing itself with the drug trade. John Fisher Jr. is a Tea Party leader in Alabama. He has railed extensively against people he calls drug abusers and has criticized the government for not stepping up the failed War on Drugs. But now Fisher has been arrested for being one of the ringleaders of a meth trafficking ring.

Bye, John.


Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Gary Johnson doesn't understand the economy

Some of you aren't going to vote for a major party for President even if your face not falling off depended on it, but if you vote for a third party, try to make sure it isn't Gary Johnson. No doubt the Libertarian candidate has a few ideas that may tempt you to vote for him - such as foreign policy and marijuana legalization - but they're outweighed by his mind-numbing negatives.

Johnson had an unfortunate economic record as Governor of New Mexico. He championed failed austerity and "free market" policies, ushered in the rise of privatized prisons, and tried to foist an unpopular school voucher program on the state's people. He took a particularly hard line on welfare "reform" in an era when the right-wing media tried to make it look "cool" to attack the poor just out of meanness. Plus, Johnson obstructed minimum wage increases and collective bargaining. He even supports a federal sales tax that rivals the hated FairTax in its laughability.

The New Mexico Supreme Court ordered Johnson to halt welfare "reform" because he implemented it without legislative approval. Johnson ignored this order and was held in contempt.

Voting third party? Since Jill Stein made the ballot in Kentucky, I am - but it won't be for Gary Johnson.

Kentucky GOPer charged with rape

Billy Joe Miles is a big Republican businessman from Owensboro who once served as chair of the University of Kentucky Board of Trustees. His daughter is alt-right State Rep. Suzanne Miles.

Now the 76-year-old Billy Joe Miles is being charged with rape, sodomy, and bribing a witness. The indictment says that in July, he "engaged in sexual intercourse with another person by forcible compulsion."

This is just the latest in a series of major scandals to rock the Kentucky GOP lately.

Pollsters shouldn't poll over Labor Day weekend

I study opinion polls as if with the eye of an automatic toilet flusher, but one thing is a truism: Polls should not be conducted over Labor Day weekend.

It doesn't matter if it's a presidential poll or a survey about some other issue. Just don't do it. Some Americans don't mind answering calls from pollsters, but when you've got a long weekend to see the one you love, odds are you're not going to answer the phone if you don't recognize the number on your cellphone screen.

You may be lucky enough to have a relationship partner who is the very personification of humor, love, and intelligence. Imagine her sitting at the table in your home office, laughing uncontrollably at the idiocy of the commercials on your TV screen, holding aloft a flimsy slice of leftover pizza as she prepares to gnaw away at it with her oval mouth - when your phone rings, and it's a number you don't recognize, which further investigation proves to be a pollster. It sort of ruins the moment. And people don't like that. Well, maybe some people. Not most cool people.

Live young. Be crazy. Ignore the pollsters. If the Evil Empire wins, grow the guts to show 'em who's boss.

When did the Tea Party take over Occupy?

You know you've been reading Occupy's Facebook pages too long when they start accusing "the left" of being anti-Semitic. That's the sort of bogus allegation made by the Tea Party - not by Occupy.

I just unliked Occupy Vancouver because of this libel against "the left."

This ranks right up there with the right-wing conspiracy kooks taking over other Occupy pages like Occupy Aspen. Occupy should have established a rule right from the giddy-up that says you can't help run their Facebook pages if you're an idiot.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

I violated an Allowed Cloud in front of the sheriff

Tonight, we goed to Rip-off-fest to see the fireworks, and - like I always do - I smuggled in a bottle of soda in the roomy pockets of my trousers.

I was a bit more daring this time. After we got past the totalitarian checkpoint, I obnoxiously whipped out my bottle of Mountain Dew and held it aloft, preparing to pour it onto my twisted incisors. Right then, 3 uniformed law enforcement officers were approaching. When we walked past the lawmen, I noticed one of them was the Campbell County Sheriff. Not a sheriff's deputy, not a city cop, but the sheriff himself. I recognized him from his campaign photos.

You see, Rip-off-fest has a right-wing fiat against people bringing beverages (even soft drinks) into the festival. But that rule is stupid, so I ignore it. The sheriff apparently thinks it's stupid too, because he didn't say anything about me guzzling soda right in front of him. I guess he's not a Tea Party guy like the previous sheriff was.

Also, we saw 2 people who were in such a festive mood that they bubbled. On one of these majestic occasions, a person did a Wright brothers - also known as Bazookacidal tendencies. We were due for one of these, because I think the last time I saw someone successfully pull off a Wright brothers in public was in 2002 or 2003.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Third lawmaker reveals Bevin threats

It never ends with the New Hampshire Forehead, does it?

As 2 Democrats in the Kentucky House have come forward saying Matt Bevin tried to coerce them into becoming Republicans, a third legislator now backs up the story and says he was targeted too. Rep. Fitz Steele (D-Hazard) says he was actually present at the meeting where Bevin tried to bully Rep. Kevin Sinnette (D-Ashland). This despite the fact that Bevin denies the meeting even happened.

Steele angrily told a news source, "The meeting happened and I was there." Like the other lawmakers, Steele refused to switch parties. After this occurred, voters in Steele's district received robocalls lying about his voting record - which is actually more pro-coal than that of national Democrats.

My mind boggled so much at this story I couldn't even finish this entry for hours.


Friday, September 2, 2016

You're never too old for 'Sesame Street'

There's certain things I always mention on this blog every time I see someone performing such activities in public. Passing gas, for example. One such activity is if I see an adult wearing a Sesame Street shirt. I don't mean a shirt with a Sesame Street character's face filling the whole shirt, since those are quite common. I mean a shirt that only references Sesame Street - not any of its characters.

And today it happened.

There's a small festival going on in the alley next to my building. It has a live bluegrass band, an RV containing a little art gallery, and other amenities. Earlier I was out there, and I saw something that made my jaw hit the ground. I saw a woman who was about 60 years old wearing a green t-shirt, and when I saw what the shirt said, I had to do a double-take. Why, the shirt had the Sesame Street sign emblazoned across it. It didn't have any of the lovable Muppet characters. Just the sign.

That's right, Sesamoids. An adult wore a Sesame Street t-shirt in public.

I can't believe they even make a shirt like that in adult sizes!

I wasn't embarrassed to don my oversized, aqua "ATTACK!" shirt from a thrift store in college, but the line has to be drawn somewhere.

Local county becomes America's biggest prison state

The Cincinnati media is ignoring the fact that a county in greater Cincinnati has become America's biggest prison state - leaving the New York Times to report it.

Dearborn County, Indiana, now sends more people to prison per capita than any other county in the United States. Even in raw numbers, this mostly rural county sends more people to prison than the major cities of San Francisco and Durham, North Carolina, combined. One out of every 10 adults in Dearborn County is behind bars or on probation.

Corrections reform has helped reduce crime elsewhere, but Dearborn County is mired in 1995!

It doesn't help matters that Dearborn County is awash in heroin - thanks in part to outdated policing and corrections practices, not to mention the Tea Party's involvement in the drug trade. Indeed, rural counties have lagged while urban counties have progressed. Rural areas still favor the "lock 'em up" methods of 20 years ago. Dearborn County's elected prosecutor Aaron Negangard even gloated, "I am proud of the fact that we send more people to jail than other counties."

He's proud of that?

There's actually an element of entrapment. Drug penalties are less severe in Cincinnati, so Cincinnati authorities actually try to steer drug suspects to Dearborn County just so they get punished more harshly. Dearborn County even spent almost $12 million in taxpayer funds to double the size of its jail.

Don't tell me that this "lock 'em up" approach keeps our neighborhoods safe from heroin. After what I was forced to tolerate last year, I know that's a lie.


Bob Costas bubbled a bubbunk (Bubble Gum Weekend)

A bubbunk is a gum bubble that makes a fart sound.

Did you know that legendary sportscaster Bob Costas bubbled a bubbunk for all of YouTube to peep, weep, and oggle-beep? Indeed he did!

Recently, the diminutive Missourian helped conduct a bubble gum blowing contest in which Olympic athletes competed with each other to see who could bubble the biggest. Mr. Costas himself bragged of his own bubbling capabilities. But as you can see, all Bob could muster was a bubbunk...

Remember when Suzy Chaffee did commercials for ChapStick and called herself Suzy ChapStick? If she was in that video, it would be funny if she called herself Suzy Bubbunk.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Charter schools are not public

Let me be clear: There is no such thing as a "public charter school." The Media needs to stop manipulating public opinion by using that phrase.

Charter schools are not truly public. These schools can decide which students to admit and don't have to follow the usual regulations that apply to public schools. They are publicly funded but operate like private schools. Kind of like the Campbell County Schools used to be.

A school can be public, private, or charter. It can't be "public charter."

Charter schools are not public any more than a wasp is a bee. They are fucking charter.

Toothache or TMJ disorder? You be the judge!

Fellow TMJers unite!

What populist blog would be complete without details of my latest medical plaints? Not this one! Lately, I've been suffering from what is either my worst toothache ever or my worst TMJ disorder flare-up ever. It's utterly ambiguous what it is.

One hundred percent of people who have ever lived suffer from TMJ disorder. Seriously. I don't think I know any adult who isn't a TMJer. Not a big deal at all to me anymore. But I've had TMJ disorder since I was about 11 or 12, and I got madder than hell the first time I suffered from it. I didn't understand it yet, and I didn't know it had a name for years afterward. Against the advice of every "professional" website on the subject, I don't change my food intake because of it.

Lately, my jaw on the lower left has been stiffening and then returning to its relaxed state with a satisfying crack that amazes friends and fam. Again, not a big deal. I get lots of laughs for it. TMJ flare-ups like this do occur. I'd rather it stay like this forever than suffer a common cold ever again. But yesterday, I began suffering a toothache at the same spot as the jaw crackage. It's a major one too. I thought it was the worst since that bad one in the summer of 2003, but it's actually even worse than that. Of course, even this isn't as bad as a cold. Not by a longshot. I've had some awesome toothaches in my time, but none have been as bad as even a "mild" cold.

Let's face it: A cold doesn't let you crack your jaw like TMJ disorder does. I won't stand for a cold. I'll tolerate a lot of other ailments that everyone else thinks are worse - unless it signals a far more serious condition. It's the '70s America I know and love.

I've thrown in the towel on learning how to sleep on my back to keep my TMJ disorder from worsening. It can't be done.

I still plan on visiting the dentist in a few weeks. Maybe the troublesome chomper will become medical waste. Because of lax laws on toxic waste disposal, one of my lower left teeth may someday be washing up on the shoreline of a waterway near you.

Important pep talk

I've already announced my intent to vote for Jill Stein, but let's make one thing perfectly clear.

If I see anything in my newsfeeds consisting of articles from right-wing conspiracy websites attacking Hillary Clinton for unfounded reasons, it's off my newsfeed. Gone.

We're the adults in the room.

This is not the Tea Party. This is The Online Lunchpail.