Sunday, September 21, 2014

People plopped stuff at Ploptoberfest

Sometimes you really can have too much of a good thing - even ploppings.

I went to the Saturday installment of Cincinnati's Oktoberfest - which I call Ploptoberfest, as you know. I call it that because people always put things in the toilets in the portable outhouses. It's been going on for years.

This time, we got more than we bargained for. Early in the day, I noticed someone had put a pair of underpants in a toilet. It's unclear whether they were poopy. Later, I noticed someone had thrown a stick of underarm antiperspirant in a toilet. People actually talked about that plopping. I heard a man mention it while emerging from that outhouse. Later still, I saw that someone had put what looked like part of a broken toy squirt gun in a toilet.

All these ploppings were hilarious, of course, but the resulting messes in the portable restrooms forced me to leave Ploptoberfest early. The restrooms were filthy, and this was the most crowded Ploptoberfest I've ever seen - so the lines for the restrooms became way too long. I think some of the outhouses had to be taken out of service due to ploppings. And I really had to go. I'm talking about a deuce, folks. There was no way in hell I was going to use a restroom that was in such disrepair for that - especially with the line that would expand outside. So I decided to embark (arf arf!) on the 20-minute ride home just so I could enjoy a clean johndola. In brief (ahem), the ploppings were apparently so pervasive that they caused the huge restroom lines that defined the festival.

There was other mischief too. To the surprise of nobody, I saw some guy stealing one of the life-sized cardboard cutouts of the Samuel Adams beer man. He was seen walking away from Fountain Square carrying the cutout.

The only celebrity look-alike I saw was one of the most uproarious I've seen in a while. I saw a Phil Collins look-alike who was wearing a Payne Stewart hat just like Phil Collins used to do.

Also, I saw 2 people who were in such a festive mood that they bubbled.

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