Monday, August 29, 2016

Do you sleep anymore?

(There's a song you don't hear much these days!)

This blog was founded to champion progressive populism like there's no tomorrow. And without progressive populism, there really is no tomorrow! I'm a real populist working-class kind of guy. But we also delve into other topics, such as flatulence, comical bubble gum commercials, and medical plaints such as common colds. Now I have another medical concern that isn't nearly as aggravating as that yet, but it's become quite nuisancey.

How in the Wide, Wide World Of Warcraft does a person sleep on their back?

This appears to be the only safe way for me to sleep, and I can't do it. In fact, the Interdoro says only 14% of people can do so naturally.

Sleeping on my right side was the coziest position for me - until acid reflux disease started to cause me to regularly wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air with my throat burning. I can't keep doing this because it will eat away at my esophagus. This position also aggravates the crushing feeling in my upper body, a permanent symptom of the vitamin deficiency I had.

So I switched to the left side, and it began aggravating my TMJ disorder - which is one of these ailments that almost 100% of people have. TMJ disorder is awesome. I can't click my jaw on command - I need to learn how - but if you're around me long enough, you may be entertained by a click or two reverberating about the room. Pretty cool, huh? I can live with it, because it can be loads of fun, but I just don't want it to get any worse - even though you think that'll be even funnier.

So I switched to sleeping face-down. And lo! Now it turns out I'm not supposed to do that either, since it jams your jaw into your face.

This leaves sleeping on my back as the only "option." Hey, I thought this was a free country. We're supposed to have choices. Did we lose a - wait, we did.

But seriously now. I can't do it. That takes skill. Besides that, sleeping on your back might make you swallow your gum. Sleeping in a cozy position is magical. Without it, every night is ruined.

What's a mere mortal to do? Stink?