Thursday, April 22, 2010

How the Tea Party tore my rotator cuff

If I was as irresponsible as the Tea Party whack-a-doodles are, I could sue them right now for tearing my rotator cuff.

But I won't, because I accept responsibility for my own actions - like a grown man, not like the little crybabies they are.

Yesterday evening, it occurred to me that they're probably going to take a swing at me sooner or later. After I completely humiliated the Tea Parties last week, their tempers have got to be running short by now - especially considering their weak coping skills.

So I figured I better get in shape so I could defend myself.

I started practicing my defensive jabs by punching the air to represent an imaginary assailant. I had a bottle in my right hand, and I took a swing with my left.

I could feel my left rotator cuff ripping. That was the end of that self-defense lesson.

I looked up torn rotator cuffs on Wikipedia. The good news is that the likelihood of this injury increases with age - and the Tea Parties don't seem to be attracting many folks younger than me. So if they start a fight, they'll likely tear their arm out of their socket even before their fist lands.

I don't go around beating up the elderly. That's not what I stand for. But if a 45-year-old man takes a swing at me, I will defend myself, even though I have an advantage of 9 years.

If the Tea Party thugs start a fight, it could end very badly for them. They are on notice. And if I lose the physical altercation, they will be sued if they injure me. And their movement cannot afford the bad publicity, even if they can afford the legal costs.

You have been warned, Nastea Nazis.

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