Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Pollsters shouldn't poll over Labor Day weekend

I study opinion polls as if with the eye of an automatic toilet flusher, but one thing is a truism: Polls should not be conducted over Labor Day weekend.

It doesn't matter if it's a presidential poll or a survey about some other issue. Just don't do it. Some Americans don't mind answering calls from pollsters, but when you've got a long weekend to see the one you love, odds are you're not going to answer the phone if you don't recognize the number on your cellphone screen.

You may be lucky enough to have a relationship partner who is the very personification of humor, love, and intelligence. Imagine her sitting at the table in your home office, laughing uncontrollably at the idiocy of the commercials on your TV screen, holding aloft a flimsy slice of leftover pizza as she prepares to gnaw away at it with her oval mouth - when your phone rings, and it's a number you don't recognize, which further investigation proves to be a pollster. It sort of ruins the moment. And people don't like that. Well, maybe some people. Not most cool people.

Live young. Be crazy. Ignore the pollsters. If the Evil Empire wins, grow the guts to show 'em who's boss.