SPF '1984'

America today is so clearly a command state that it's almost impossible not to mistake it for George Orwell's '1984'.

Yankee Stadium in New York is doing its part to assist America's excruciating swirl down the toilet of tyranny. The ballpark opted a month ago to ban sunscreen lotion, calling it a terrorist weapon.

Under this ban, security personnel have begun searching fans for contraband sunblock and throwing away any they find. The ban was in effect even over the past weekend when temperatures in New York reached almost 100° F and the UV index topped a dangerous 9 out of 10. The stadium managed to fill several trash bags with bottles of sunscreen.

The claim that the policy is an attempt to protect the stadium from terrorism is of course a lie. If security personnel would open the bottles of lotion, sniff it, and squeeze out a few dollops, they'd be able to see it wasn't an explosive liquid.

What's really behind this? Well, it just so happens that once you get inside the stadium, you can buy sunscreen. It costs $5 for a tiny 1-ounce bottle of very weak sunscreen that probably costs only $1 at the supermarket.

So the ban of sunblock is really a scam to force people to buy it from the stadium at a heavy markup.

Dr. Babar Rao of the Skin and Cancer Center of New York called the sunscreen ban "very dangerous" and "especially bad for children", for the lotion must be reapplied every 2 hours (while the average baseball game lasts 3 or 4 hours).

If a spectator gets sunburned because of Yankee Stadium's fartpipery, they ought to sue 'em to court. Maybe we ought to all stop going to professional sporting events. That'll hit the wealthy team owners' pocketbooks like there's no tomorrow.

And they will cry!