I just wouldn't be me if I couldn't violate some Allowed Clouds!
Every Labor Day weekend, Riverfest breezes into Cincinnati and neighboring Covington and Newport, Kentucky. I call it Rip-off-fest: It seems that practically nothing is allowed - partly because of the desire for control, but much of it thanks to sheer greed. The so-called festival has become mighty tame.
In the past decade or so, it's become forbidden to bring any beverages (even water or soda) into the festival. Surely you can get soft drinks or wawa at the fest, but at a massive markup.
This rule is so rigid that authorities have forced parents of infants to dump out milk from their baby's bottle.
Since about mid-decade, Rip-off-fest has even stationed military police at the city limits in an effort to make sure nobody walks in with wa. Around the same time, police began searching purses and backpacks for contraband water and other refreshments. (The searches are illegal, but hey, who in BushAmerica is counting?)
The list of Allowed Clouds for Riverfest is long. Umbrellas appear to be banned too. In an effort to appear "family-friendly", the event is also now reportedly completely alcohol-free, despite the availability of alcohol well into the '90s.
Last night for the Riverfest fireworks, I couldn't resist violating the totalitarian Allowed Cloud against bringing in sodie-pop. So I grabbed a nearly-full Pepsi bottle out of my fridge. Not a "vleering Pepsi bottle" as that radio ad used to say (I couldn't get the bottle to "vleer"), but just a Pepsi bottle. I donned jeans with deep pockets and stowed the soda flask safely therein.
I strolled down to Newport and walked right past the city cops and military police, with the Pepsi bottle still in my pocket.
Never got caught. Indeed, I brang along the Eyewitness Cam to document this "crime":
(http://i35.tinypic.com/1zcg4r4.jpg)
Soda was rotting my teeth, so my dentist long ago ordered me not to consume it. But I've completely ignored that Allowed Cloud ever since it was issued.
As for bringing Pepsi to Riverfest, what would've been the charge if I was caught? I can't find anything in the Kentucky or Ohio penal code about bringing soft drinks to festivals, so they'd have to pull something out of their ass if they were going to take me to jail.
(Source: http://news.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080828/ENT/808290310)
Monday, September 1, 2008
Be young, have fun, violate an Allowed Cloud!
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Ha !!! That is fantastic!
ReplyDeleteI didn't go to the fest'. I had to work and I would rather work than go to a waste of time event and spend two hours in traffic trying to get away from the river.
All of that trouble so we can be bilked out of our money by the local fest bringers while being held to unreasonable fest rules & regulations. I haven't been to the fest' for years and I will never go to this event again. It seems like a conditioning method to prepare people for a police state.
You know they're going to highly regret that law the first time someone collapses from a heat stroke during one of their festivals.
ReplyDeleteBut that's awesome that you broke the allowed cloud! Keep up the good work, my friend.
I wanted to go to the fireworks but I had work until 6pm that day, and then had nobody to go with. Oh well, last year's fireworks where disappointing. We can always break an allowed cloud later by setting off our own fireworks after it rains.