Someone wanna tell me how this didn't pass any constitutional test? (more Freeper Madness)

It's another uproarious episode of 'Wingnuts Complain About The Darndest Things'!

When I saw a harangue on right-wing agitation site Free Republic headlined "Someone wanna tell me how this passed any Constitutional test?", I could only guess what they were complaining about.

I knew it wasn't about something that was actually unconstitutional, like the Sudafed logs or Congress's requirement that libraries censor Web access. This is the land of the Freepers we're talking about.

Sure enough, I was right. The Freak Rethuglic brain trust (as it were) was bellowing about a government program that assists low-income families with their phone service. In my area, this program provides a discount on regular phone bills. In others, it seems to cover cell phones.

The Freepers complain, "Does anyone know the article and section of the Constitution that allows the government to collect taxes to hand out free cell phones?"

Um. Where's the article and section of the Constitution that prohibit the government from doing so?

Still waiting.

The government gave hundreds of billions of dollars to the banking industry (which then used the money to buy new jets for CEO's), so how can it be barred from providing communications assistance for the poor?

Wait, I think I found that clause. It's right after the section that says Bush can preempt state lawsuits against negligent drug companies. Oops, that section doesn't exist either.

Is there anything else that's not in the Constitution that conservatives hallucinate about?